The Promise Ring (Dear Jann Series 1)

Chapter 2: Sweet Revenge

I didn’t know when I started walking but I can feel my feet doing so. Tears were streaming down my face but I was not feeling anything. It was like my feet and eyes have their mind and did what they were supposed to do. I can still hear him saying those words, “We are over”. It keeps on echoing in my ear and every time it does, my mind keeps on getting so blank. I heard someone calling my name. But where was it coming from, I don’t see anybody around me. I was hypnotized into another dimension and all that I could feel was my feet walking and my eyes crying. 

“Jann, what happened to you?” Like a cold soothing water, I heard my mom ask me. 

I looked at her and answered. Wait, what was my answer? I don’t know. I can’t hear my voice or did I even answer my mom? I just saw my mom’s face with so much concern and full of questions. She said something else but I didn’t hear anything. What was happening to me? Am I losing my sense of hearing? I saw she signaled for me to go to my room. I looked at her worried face. I wanted so much to tell her about what happened but I can’t find my voice. Everything around me was so quiet and only my cry was the only sound that I could hear. She pointed me to my room and I just went there.

Once the door was closed, my eyes automatically started crying again and I simply couldn't stop it. I found my pillow and I cried more. That very moment, I wanted my room to just open and swallow me whole or I wished my room was like a spaceship. A spaceship that could take me away from Earth. Maybe in outer space, I can find all the answers that I wanted to hear.

"Jann, someone is here to see you. Get yourself together dear" I heard my mom called from my room's door. 

I tried so hard to get myself together before I went out of my room. My eyes were a bit swollen now because of crying. I tried to rub it off as if doing so would make it go away. Knowing that I can not do anything about it, I just left it be and went out to see who was there to see me. 

I was a bit surprised to see that it was almost dark outside. Where did the time go? Had I been crying that long? The last thing I knew, the sun was so high and now, like all are sympathizing with my feelings. Everything was dark and gloomy. Why does everything have to be like this? Why can't they pretend to be happy so it can make my feelings a little lighter?

"Jann..." he said.

I looked at him with a bit of surprise then everything started to get blurry again. Before I knew it, he hugged me and I was crying again. I wonder when will my eyes stop crying? He was stroking my hair and whispering that everything will be fine. He said more but I can't understand it anymore because all I could hear was my sobbing. A few moments more, I got the courage to look at him and asked.

"Where did I go wrong? What happened to us?" I sobbed like a child sobbing to her parents.

He doesn't have an answer to all my questions and all he can do is to look at me lovingly. Lovingly? Why was he looking at me like that? I barely know him and yet, there was something in his eyes that soothes me. Like his eyes are saying that I needed to move on and that he was just there. He hugged me tighter in response to my questions. I can feel him kissing my head while stroking my hair to calm me down again. 

I can feel the sincerity in every stroke of my hair. It made me relax and stopped crying. But I didn't want to let go of his arms around me so I hugged him tighter. I can feel him hugging me tighter too. I can almost hear his heartbeat. The beating was so steady and I can feel my heartbeat beating at the same time as his. I just love the feeling of my head on his chest and him stroking my hair. Maybe if I close my eyes, I can feel Markus’ arms around me instead of him. Maybe if I try harder and open my eyes, I can see that it was Markus all the time who was hugging me and stroking my hair. Saying that he was sorry and that he can't live without me. I don't know how long I was savoring his heartbeat but my fantasy stopped when he spoke.

"I am here, Jann. I will never leave you" he said.

And just like some hands slapping me, I opened my eyes and looked at him. I can't help but stare on his face. When did he have those caring eyes on me? How can he look at me with so much love? Or was it just my imagination. I straightened up myself and wiped my face with the back of my palm and looked at him again.

"Marvin, I'm sorry. I didn't know what came to me. I was.." he stopped what I was saying by putting his index finger on my lips.

"Don't apologize. I should be the one apologizing for what my stupid best friend did to you" he said.

"Please don't say that. Maybe I just did something to upset him. Maybe I..."

"It wasn't your fault. It was all his. He is just a jerk!"

"Don't say that. I..."

"No!" he almost yelled at me. He stopped himself and looked at me with that look again. He held my hand and said. "He is a jerk. I can't believe he fooled and hurt you this bad. I wanted so much to punch him in his face."

"What are you saying? He is your best friend." I told him.

"He will be the last friend I will have when it comes to you. I should have been there more for you to prevent this," he said.

I wanted to reason some more with him. Why am I being so defensive for Markus anyway? Did he not just dump me? And this guy in front of me was just telling the truth? I suddenly felt weak arguing and trying to protect Markus from whatever accusations that Marvin was telling me. I politely asked him to leave.

"Marvin, sorry, but I feel so tired. I want to be alone for now."

"I understand. Jann, before I go, I want you to know that I am here for you, should you need me," he said.

I didn't answer because I felt like our conversation was getting awkward. I just nodded to him and smiled. After he left, I went back to my room feeling better then I started to think about what happened that day. Only then did I realize how hurt I was. All of Markus’ words were like knives striking my heart. I was still having a lot of questions but still no answer. My mom tried to speak with me about it that night but I politely told her that I will be fine.

As the night was getting deeper, I found myself getting more tired thinking of the things that Markus and I had been through. Every memory that I had with him was starting to be sweet and tiny knives. My eyes wanted to cry again but I forced myself not to. I also tried hard to convince myself that everything will be okay the next day and that none of these happened. But the more I try to convince myself, the more I am starting to hate him. What is happening to us?

Suddenly my thoughts went back to Marvin. When did we even become so close? Markus introduced me to him one time when we were hanging out in his place. I knew there was something else in Marvin's actions that day. As far as I could remember, he was taking care of me more than Markus did. He tried to serve me as much as he could. Simple things like asking if I needed some water or was I comfortable with my seat. How could I not notice those caring gestures that he had for me before? 

There was also a time when Markus came to visit me with Marvin. We were getting to know each other more that day. I find him very nice. I was so happy that Markus has such a very supportive best friend. Then I didn't know more about him since we seldom see each other. Although on some occasions, I see Marvin in a distance from us. He would just give me a smile or a nod. I never really paid much attention to him back then.

And now suddenly he is here today trying to comfort me. What did he mean that Markus was a jerk? He was his best friend. He also said, he should have been there for me? I was starting to think that there was more to what he was telling me. I wonder what it was. I fell asleep thinking.

"Hello, good morning. How are you?" he asked.

Marvin was there again the following day. I just finished having lunch when he came. He said he was just checking on me and wanted to make sure that everything is okay.

"Honestly, I am not really okay. I have so many questions and yet no answer at all." I told him.

"I spoke with Markus about what happened to both of you," he said.

I suddenly have a strong urge to listen to what Markus could have told him. I never asked Marvin to do that but since he did it anyway, I wanted to know if Markus mentioned anything about us. Maybe he mentioned he missed me? Does he still love me? Oh, damn heart. I was still very hopeful.

"Markus was so different, Jann. I don't know what happened to him. I am very disappointed with him. I thought he loved you so much but yesterday when I spoke with him, he acted like he didn’t know you at all. Sorry, but he simply doesn't care whatever happens to you." he said.

I think he said more but I did not hear anything else. Markus doesn't care for me? When did he stop loving me? What happens now? What about our plans? Our "Happily-ever-after”? More questions are building in my head.

"Jann, I can help you forget about him. Just give me the chance. I don't care if people will think that I am a rebound or whatever. You deserve better and Markus never deserves you." he said. He took my hand to his and kissed the back of it. 

"What are you talking about Marvin? He is your best friend. How could you say those?" I told him.

"Huh, best friend" he shrugged and made an eye roll. "He had no right to hurt you like that. I can love you more than he loved you. Just give me a chance. I know you're hurt right now and I understand if you feel like having revenge on him. I am willing to be that revenge." he said sternly while looking at me.

I ran out of words to tell him. He was asking me to hurt back Markus for what he did. Am I that desperate to hurt him back? Why will I hurt him back? I guess I was desperate for answers and I know I am very hurt inside. A big part of me wanted to hurt Markus so bad so he knows how I was feeling that time. I wanted him to know that I was a big loss for him. I wanted him to feel and hopefully realize that he belongs to me. What else could be a better way to hurt him back than knowing that I was dating his best friend?

"I want to hurt him back Marvin," I told him blankly.