Darkest Desires

CHAPTER 4: MEMORY LANE

One year ago.

During summer.

"you know I can teach you how to swim" Stephen suggested while he smiled warmly. Of course aside from my mother he was the only one who kept insisting on teaching me how to swim, but I couldn't, just being around water this size made me remember my father and I hadn't gotten over his death because I still missed him not a day went by when I didn't think about him.

I was willing to wait till I was emotionally ready to finally learn how to swim.

"I'm good Stephen, I'm going to wait till I'm ready" I replied, trying to ignore the swirl of nerves that were erupting in my stomach. I was starting to admit to myself that maybe I had developed a little crush on Lilys' cousin, of course Lily was having a blast teasing me about it, it just happened over the few months we spent together the other summer, I had to admit I was definitely feeling something and part of me felt like he was too.

Stephen was always here for the summer and made it his mission to make sure Lily and I had a fun time, initially I considered him as the big brother I never had but then it all started changing when I hit seventeen.

He was a welcome distraction seeing as I had just escaped the threats of Ethan, I felt like I could still feel his breath on me. I shook off the feeling instantly, I loathed the emotions he had managed to evoke from me but he was gone anyway, well for now. I refocused my attention on Stephen someone who actually didn't make me feel unusual.

"I'll wait for when you're ready, okay, I'm heading back in the water" he blew out a breath and gave me another smirk before getting off the beach towel and running off.

I couldn't resist the temptation of watching him run back to the water, he had amazing physiques how his muscles hardened with each move was always something I couldn't resist watching. I finally realized I was holding my breath and I dragged in some much needed air into my lungs.

"okay freckles quit checking out the doofus" I hadn't heard Lily approach me until she uttered the words. She popped up from behind me and stationed herself under the umbrella, the sun was definitely showing us how hot she could get.

"first off don't call me freckles, secondly can you blame me" I gestured my hands in his direction for emphasis.

"first off he's gross, secondly why don't you tell him you like him?"

"he's a senior Lily there's probably some hot girl he's got his eyes set on, plus I may have courage but definitely not that much."

Lily rolled her eyes, face palming herself which was usually my thing.

"you're the hot girl he's got his eyes set on dumb ass, you're seriously that blind huh?"

"just drop it, I don't even think I'm ready for a boyfriend" I don't think I was ready for anything that was remotely related to a relationship.

"well you gotta start somewhere and there's no time like the present"

"speaking of which, you know Tobias likes you" I piped and stared at her coyly.

"seriously Elena this fist will be deep in your throat if you don't drop that" she flushed pink, her eyes were practically shooting daggers at me as she balled up a fist.

I got up from the ground and started making a run for it, Lily was already catching up she was a runner which always made me wonder why she never tried out for the track team.

I loved the summer because of how carefree I felt, plus I got to spend it with Lily and of course the guy I was crushing on.

Later

My mom was working late as usual, I dreaded the fact that she had to work so much, but I knew one thing for sure she loved her job and I figured it was a welcome distraction so she wouldn't think about my father. It was an escape I figured.

I flipped through pages of my novel, damning myself for not using a book mark. When I finally reached the page my phone buzzed, I was ready to throw it under the pillow and ignore whoever it was, but then I figured it might be Lily or my mother it's not like I had anyone else who texted me this late, my thoughts were clearly off because it was Stephen who had texted me, I felt my heart leap into my throat when I read the text.

*hey I'm outside, mind opening up?*

I took in a steady breath trying to labor my breathing, what did he want at this time of day? It was almost past eight thirty. I crept downstairs and massed up the courage to open the door I had no idea why I was shaking like a leaf but heck why was he here?

"hey" I whispered trying to ignore the awkward shift in the air, he was standing on my porch dressed in a grey hoodie and shorts.

His sharp blue eyes scanned me and I saw amusement linger in his eyes, the tip of his mouth was twitching to smile and I finally realized I came to answer the door completely ignoring the fact that I was in my little blue sleeping shorts.

"nice shorts" he teased staring me up and down, I suddenly became so aware of my legs, which was funny considering I was in a swimming suit not so long ago but the scenario made the feel a whole lot different.

"I was getting ready for bed, so why are you here?" I crossed my arms questioningly, even if the anxiety was stiff in my stomach I wasn't going to make him aware of it.

"can I at least come in?"

"sure" I stepped out of the way and watched him tread into my home.

"so what do you want to talk about?" I clutched my myself in a protective manner as he planted himself on my favourite couch, it had the best view and was a single seater.

"I have something to tell you?" that's the moment one of my lungs decided to die out and make breathing a hundred times harder.

"what could you possibly have to say?" it came out as a whisper, barely audible by even myself.

"can you please come closer"

My legs moved on their on accord as I approached his peripheral wondering why the hell it felt like I was under the sun. I finally stood infront of him, part of me was expecting this to be a dream. I probably fell asleep while reading the novel and another part knew it was too real to be made up.

His hands clutched my wrists on either side of my body, heck I was sure my legs were going to give out.

"I like you Elena, a lot" I couldn't believe he had actually muttered the words till my mind kept replaying them in my head. He liked me?!

Lily was right which was rare, but I couldn't believe it. I just stared back at him in utter disbelief. I could feel the heat start to travel through out my body. He finally stood up and looked down at me his eyes glinting with amusement, his lips were still displaying that damned smirk.

Before I knew it, before my senses could register it, his lips landed on mine, and for the first time ever I received my first kiss, a kiss I had thought would be impossible, a kiss I had only dreamt of, his lips were gentle and soft on mine and even though I hadn't ever kissed anyone before it felt perfect. When his hands traveled to my waist and pulled me closer to him I was practically melting, the feeling was unreal.

He pulled away for a brief moment and eyed me curiously.

"I'm guessing you like me too then?" he smiled and I nodded feeling a blush travel up to my cheeks.

He returned to kissing me and making me well acquainted with his tongue.

I didn't want the moment to end and I definitely didn't want to stop feeling the emotions I was being given. But I realized things were getting out of hand when I felt his erection press up against my tummy. I wasn't ready for s*x, despite the people in my class indulging in it I wasn't prepared for any of it. Panic ran through my system and I pulled away from him taking him by surprise, I dragged in a long steadying breath to try and sober myself up from the intoxicating make out.

"did I do something wrong?" he peered at me perplexed.

"no no I just can't, I mean we can't, you know" I was wondering why the hell I was feeling tongue tied I was known for always speaking my mind which wasn't really a good thing but I didn't know why I felt so tongue tied around him.

"you don't want to have s*x?" he questioningly arched an eyebrow.

I nodded hoping he'd understand and respect my decision, it was a known fact that he wasn't a virgin he was one of the most sought after guys I knew, but I was a virgin and I wasn't going to give it up just yet.

" it's fine, I can't force you to have s*x with me. Plus you're still seventeen we can do it when the time is right" he walked closer to me and cupped my cheeks planting a kiss both on my lips and forehead.

When I walked him out that night after our said goodbyes. I knew things would change I just didn't know if it was for the better.

***

I was standing outside the porch with Lily trying to battle the onslaught of anxiety I was experiencing, I was only standing out there with her because she practically begged me to, for some reason she thought I wasn't over Stephen and that maybe seeing him would bring us back to being close somehow.

Lily had some twisted idea about rekindling friendships. My eyes scanned the road in search of the famous car I had become accustomed to seeing.

Regret was already running around free in my system. I should have just stayed inside and said hi from the window, did I really have to face him. I mentally slapped myself for thinking about such a cowardly move, but heck seeing him wasn't going to be easy considering the memory of what we did last summer was still fresh.

I didn't want any association with him, even if he managed to kill the emotions I felt for him when Lily told me that he started dating someone back in his hometown, it still didn't mean I was over the entire situation.

Summer break was starting next week I should have known he'd come early, he was currently taking a gap year and in that very moment I wished he had just stayed away this summer or better yet, gone to college.

"I understand if you're not comfortable seeing him, but I didn't want to leave you alone. Plus he's only coming to say hi" Lily gave me a sheepish smile. Her expression wasn't even close to apologetic, I knew her little head was thinking that we'd all go back to hanging out like it was normal but that wasn't going to be the case.

Heck I didn't even care about him saying hi, fact is I didn't want to see him.

"it's fine Lily" I managed and stared off into the distance, I was just about ready to call it quits and head back into the house. Till I heard the roar of an engine and saw the famous red Aston Martin vantage pull up in the driveway. I loved that car and how it felt riding in it, I remember how excited he was when he's father finally got it for him.

I mentally slapped myself when I realized I was smiling at the memory. My smile completely died out when I saw the long beautifully toned legs step out of the car and a mass of golden locks bounce in the air.

I could feel the air in my lungs get completely knocked out.

She was definitely pretty, blue eyes, golden locks, long sexy legs. Not to mention she was dressed in a mini floral strap dress that showed off her figure, how could I have honestly competed with the Malibu barbie he had brought? Speaking of which why did he bring her here? I glanced over to Lily who gave me a nervous glance and cracked smile.

"speak wench" I whisper shouted, throwing her an annoyed look.

"I promise I had no idea he was bringing her" she chewed her lip nervously which meant she wasn't lying. Which meant I only had myself to be annoyed with for permitting this visit to happen, though my anger towards Stephen would be justified considering he led me on. I wasn't going to be petty but I sure as hell wasn't going to be understanding.

"I'm going inside I don't feel well" I ignored Lilys' plea to make me stay. I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't feeling well I was ill after all. But seeing the sight of her just made me feel a whole lot worse, this summer was already a mess I already had Ethan to deal with but now Stephen was also in the picture. I just wanted it to be over and it hadn't even began.

"Elena wait, I'm sorry I seriously had no idea" Lily apologized, pouting in my direction. She always thought pouting usually got her out of trouble, which now that I think about it is sort of true. Just when I was about to tell her that I wasn't mad another voice spoke.

"had no idea what?" Stephens' deep voice filtered through the house.

He still looked the same but was somehow one hundred times finer, long torso attached to broad shoulders, his blue eyes were still as sharp and focused, his skin was its usual sandy brown, his brown hair was still the same curly mess not to mention he had a beard now.

What was up with guys keeping their beards this summer, not that I was complaining because it made them look a whole lot more attractive. He did appear somewhat more manly, he was wearing a grey vest with black shorts, it was typically what he usually wore.

He threw a half smile in my direction and before he could open his mouth to say anything, miss long legs came prancing through.

I couldn't deny the fact that she was stunning, she had a figure of a Victoria secret model, long tanned legs, beautiful hair, amazing skin that looked like smooth caramel not to mention the big blue eyes were working in her favour. Insecurity tagged at me hard, it was like the time Tobias made me self aware of my freckles.

"hey Lily" she greeted enthusiastically, pacing over to Lily with her arms wide, they both hugged for a brief moment part of me was annoyed that they were actually close but I didn't want to be the bitter person. Lily told me how hard she tried to despise her, but said it wasn't her fault if Stephen had decided to be with her. That was about the most logical thing she had ever said. I hated her for it in that moment.

"hey Melanie, err this is my best friend Elena" lily gestured in my direction.

"oh hi" she waved in my direction with a warm smile. It didn't help that she was being kind, if anything I wanted her to be the villain but that wasn't the case.

"hey" I responded trying to make my smile as genuine as possible, my eyes traveled back to the man still standing by the door way.

"you don't look so good Elena" Stephen's features were suddenly etched with what I assumed was concern.

"gee thanks" I knew he meant I didn't look as healthy and not in the cosmetic type of way but my mouth wanted to cause some trouble.

Before he even replied to my quip Lily had already began telling him the tale of what transpired last night.

"oh my goodness you won't believe what happened yesterday, remember Natalie, yes that she devil pushed Elena into the pool and-

" - oh my goodness are you okay?" he cut Lily off and walked towards me as if to inspect me, I didn't need him acting like he cared, he certainly didn't care about destroying my emotions plus his girlfriend was around.

"I'm fine, nothing bad happened" I created some distance from him as his scent started to invade my breathing space.

"why did she push you into the pool though?" Melanie asked, appearing by Stephens' side clutching his arm.

Even if there was concern lingering in her words, I knew that move was to show he was hers and no one else's.

Don't worry sweetie, I'm over him.

"because Elena called her boyfriend an asshole" Lily piped. I gave her a shut up look but of course she flippantly ignored it.

"what! Why?" Stephan was the one who questioned me this time. I had no idea why I was standing there being interrogated in my own home but I didn't like it.

"because he is, guys it doesn't matter I'm fine" I dismissed the topic and plopped back on the seat. I suddenly wanted to be left alone, Lily needed to get back home, her mother wasn't around Stephen was going to be her adult supervision, well him and his girlfriend plus she had a date with Tobias.

"well I'm glad you're fine" stephan smiled.

"yeah me too, anyway babe I think it's about time we get going I'm pretty tired"

It wasn't long before I was hugging Lily goodbye, and waving towards the couple in the car, was I mad at Lily for inviting him here? Yes. Was I mad at him for bringing his girlfriend? Yes. Was I mad at myself for being a bit jealous? Of course I was.

I may have not felt anything for him cause those feelings died and were buried long ago but it still irked me having to see the reason he just betrayed what we had and moved on like nothing happened. I already had enough on my plate dealing with these two was just another load to the crap pile.

***

When it came to getting myself clean the shower always won my heart, unless I was in the mood to soothe my muscles then I'd take the tub but the shower was my third home. A place were I felt like all my troubles could be washed away and everything would be drained off and forgotten, seemingly so my cold was soothed and I could actually breathe from both nostrils.

The chill that ran through my skin was the first reaction my body undertook when I saw the figure that was sprawled on my bed, I suddenly wished the cold air would be the reason instead of the guy who had clearly encroached my home, my heart followed next I felt like it would escape through my rib cage.

"sup virgin"

Ethan. It was Ethan, he was laying on my bed, all dressed in black looking like a thief, I was ready to run to my phone and call the cops because he was clearly breaking and entering. I might have not known him very well but heck I didn't think he'd go to such lengths, why was he here?

"what the hell are you doing here?!" I yelled as annoyance flooded through my system, couldn't he terrorize me on Monday instead. After the crap load I've dealt with today I wasn't ready for more.

"trust me this is the last place I wanted to be" he grunted and jumped off the bed making my marshmallow pillows drop to the floor.

I took in his appearance and how oddly large he looked in my room, his entire body had completely changed over the past months in size and length, whenever I was close to him I felt practically dwarfed.

When his grey eyes kept boring into me I became aware that I was only clad in a towel and instant embarrassment started to fill me heck I wanted him out of my room.

"then why are you here?" I asked vehemently, while tugging the towel close to my body, it didn't help that his gaze was fixed on me and that the usual brew of unnamed emotions was bubbling deep in my gut, nothing about what I felt towards him was right.

Something had changed in him or maybe it was there to begin with and I never noticed but it certainly evoked a profound fear towards him.

"would you be surprised if I said your mother actually asked me" his expression was bland as he spoke the words, the words that nearly cut the oxygen supply to my lungs.

My mother? What? why the hell would she ask him to come over of all the people? The person who had it out for my existence based on his own twisted deductions about me.

"I don't believe you"

"to be honest I don't care what you believe virgin. She said she was concerned and asked that I check up on you"

"and you actually agreed?" the anger and surprise were not lost in my words.

Why would he even want to come near me? It was clear enough he despised me so why the hell was he here on my mothers' commands?

"get dressed you're coming with me" he ignored my question, I might have seen a flicker of annoyance in his eyes before they returned to being hollow grey voids.

"I'm not going anywhere with you" I retorted, scoffing. He was definitely mad if he thought I'd go anywhere with him, I might have been afraid of him but maybe if I didn't show it he'd actually believe it and leave me alone.

"don't test me virgin, I'm just doing your mother a favour" I ignored the fact that he was addressing me by virgin as usual, and was wondering how my mother could do this. I needed to call her, he could be lying after all.

But he had no reason to lie to me. Did he?

"I'm calling her" I paced over to my all white Catalina desk and dialed her number, Ethan was leaning against the bathroom door smiling smugly in my direction.

I felt a sudden heat ride over my skin and tried to mute out the thoughts that the only thing that separated me from being seen in my birthday suit by him was a measly towel that barely reached my knees.

"hey sweetie" my mom's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"mom what's going on, did you send err Ethan here?" I was trying to placate my anger and conceal my contempt but I'm sure it slipped.

"yes I did, he's father aka my boss is throwing a fare well party for one of my colleagues I figured I was going to be home late so he'd keep you company"

"you didn't think to ask me first?"

"I didn't think it would be a problem, I thought you two were friends"

"well you thought wrong mom" I snapped at her, but the woman left me no choice. I knew my mom's intention wasn't for someone to keep me company this was her playing match maker for some reason she had always wanted me to get a boyfriend and by the looks of it Ethan had fallen prey to it.

"well I'm sorry but what's done is done plus it would be rude to kick him out so just handle it" handle it?! She had no idea what she was saying and before any dissent could leave my mouth she hang up on me.

"you don't have to stay you can leave" I voiced out, placing my phone back on the desk top.

I didn't need him here especially knowing that nothing between us was in the right lane.

"you have ten minutes to get ready, I'll be downstairs waiting and don't make me come get you virgin" he completely ignored me and walked out of the room before I could even have a say. Did he seriously think he had control over me? Don't make me come get you.

The words replayed in my head, they did certainly sound threatening and half of me was ready to get my ass dressed but heck he had no right to come in my house and give commands.

I groaned in frustration and flopped backwards on the bed. The frustration of dealing with Ethan was already tenfold not forgetting I had another pair of trouble to deal with this summer.

I could feel it in my gut that this summer wasn't going to be anything short of surprising. Ethan was in my home, son of my mothers' boss and the only guy who seemed to to think I was some she devil who acted and pretended around people, not forgetting the skank herself Natalie would also be in the picture. I pondered for a moment of how she'd react if she found out Ethan was in my house and had seen me in a towel. If she nearly got me killed after I called him an asshole I'd surely be doomed for certain death if she found out about this.

Then we had Stephen and his Malibu barbie girlfriend, they seemed so perfect for each other even though part of me dreaded the idea of them being together, I just had to remind myself I no longer felt anything for him. Tobias and Lily seemed to be the only good thing going this summer.

But I realized it also meant Lily and I weren't going to spend as much time together, which felt awfully unsettling considering the fact that Lily and I had spent ninety-nine percent of our time together her being gone didn't sit well with me and I felt a pang of hurt fill in deep in my gut. Anyway as long as Lily was happy then I was happy heck I still couldn't believe they finally got together, after so many years of torment and brain melting arguments.

The indistinct sound of male voices dragged me out of the cornucopia of thoughts. I jack knifed from the bed when the hushed voices suddenly became loud shouts, I knew Ethan was still here but when I realized who the other male voice was, I nearly broke into a cold sweat.

The door suddenly flew open, I jumped at the sight of Ethan and Stephen nearly at each other's throats.

Stephen's stare went from angry to suspicion probably because Ethan was down stairs and I was upstairs only wrapped in a cloth.

But heck what the hell was he doing here?