Darkest Desires

CHAPTER 5: BREATHE

The anger in his eyes was so vivid and raw almost palatable, so much so that I felt my own pulse quicken. In spite of the fact that for the first time it wasn't directed to me but to Stephen.

Stephen and Ethan had both barged into my room and while I received suspicious glances from Stephen who I still had no idea as to what he was doing in my house in the first place, Ethan on the other hand was practically burning a hole through Stephen.

I could feel it in my gut that they had a rather eventful encounter. Which led me back to wonder why Stephen was standing in my room? Looking like I betrayed him.

Because we both know who did what to who.

"what are you doing here Stephen?" my tone was harsher than intended but it was too late to fix that, this entire situation was already in a disarray. Stephen showing up was making things worse.

"I wanted to talk to you, I didn't think you'd have company" he gritted his teeth as he spoke the last words, glaring in Ethans' direction. Ethan was propped up against the wall arms folded. He kept his gaze on Stephen everything about his stare despite not being directed to me made me feel like buckling inside.

"we have nothing to talk about Stephen, now if you both don't mind I need to dress up" I groaned in exasperation. Did he really think he'd come here to explain himself and I wouldn't give him a hard time.

"come on Elena, you know we do" he walked closer to where I was standing, his hands almost reaching out to me and I saw Ethan push himself off the wall.

That wasn't a good thing, so I took a few steps back to create the distance that was obviously needed.

"actually Stephen I don't. You need to leave, Melanie must be concerned" I muttered dismissively, I wanted him gone, I didn't want to be near him nor did I need an explanation from him. He made his choice and I clearly wasn't it, he betrayed me and betrayal is the only truth that sticks.

"Elena if we could-

"She said you need to leave" Ethan cut in stepping in front of Stephen, that menacing gaze was still in his eyes, it nearly made my heart leap into my throat.

The memory of him punching Damien wondered into my head, and I felt my stomach twist and a chill run through my skin. Hopefully he wouldn't punch Stephen, for once I actually wanted his help because I wanted Stephen gone but I didn't need him fighting my battles.

"are you serious right now?" Stephen scoffed, staring at me questioningly whatever his thoughts were they seemed to be completely off, seemingly because he pointed to me and Ethan as if questioning Ethan's true reasons for being with me tonight. I could care less what he thought I wanted him out. Sorry Lily him and I are just never going to be the same.

"Leave" Ethan grunted and nodded towards the door, Stephen took one last glance at me.

"I'll be back for you Elena" he whispered towards me, before groaning and walking out of the room.

When I heard the door slam closed down stairs I finally felt my heart ride down in position. Since when did I have so much boy drama in my life? I wasn't looking forward to him coming back for me and if I knew Stephen I knew it was going to be soon.

I was almost about to thank Ethan but he spoke.

"was that your ex?" he arced an eyebrow in question. Ethan had seen me with Stephen before, during summer before he'd go for his camps we'd bump into each other one way or another. He'd just give us his nonchalant gaze and walk off, leaving me with the usual feeling of uneasiness. I guess he probably thought Stephen and I were a couple cause of how close we always seemed.

I nearly gagged on the thoughts

"no he's not, he was my friend"

"was?"

"yes was, now if you don't mind I have to dress up" I flippantly dismissed him, he had already given me a time limit and all this talk about Stephen wasn't doing my stomach and mind any good.

I wasn't interested in telling Ethan about my rather eventful love life that was in turn a pity sight. So for now I needed him out of my room.

"you have two minutes virgin" the door slammed before I could even interject, he couldn't be serious, right?

***

Well he was serious, I had just finished pulling up my jeans when he barged into the room, no announcement what so ever he just told me to get my shoes on and we were out of the door. I didn't even get a chance to brush my hair, I ended up tying my mass of short curly black hair in a ponytail.

Once we were in his car, an awkward silence was stretching between us. I knew he didn't want to talk cause he just went mute on me. Even though I was preoccupied staring at the interior of the magnificent luxury car that he owned, the gut wrenching anxiety was too strong to ignore.

I found it hard to keep up with his moods, even though they didn't seem like many they were quite unbearable especially if walking away wasn't an option. To top if off I was being driven to an unknown destination. I was deeming this day my worst day of the week, I knew many more were bound to come.

"can you at least tell me where we are going?"

I gripped.

I wish Lily were here I wouldn't have ended up with Mr. Impassive over here.

"you'll know when we get there" he replied, with his usual none expressive demeanour.

I knew being around him was going to be far worse than I was anticipating.

"tell me something virgin?" I mentally rolled my eyes at the mention of virgin, something in my gut was telling me that name would never cease from his mouth even if I stopped being a virgin.

"what?" I stared at him from the corner of my eye and leaned against the window, drowning out the traffic of the early evening.

"you and that guy Stephen, what happened?" I was appalled by his question. Why would he be interested in knowing? And what deluded part of him makes him think I'm going to say anything.

"I don't think it's any of your business" I rebuffed him and kept my gaze on the road.

"you're right it isn't, but I'm sure your mother would be delighted to know they are boys sneaking into her house when she's not around"

I whipped my head so quick I heard my own neck creak. Does he really mean that? Once again he was threatening me and gut instinct was telling me to not take it lightly.

"you're threatening me?"

"yes, it's normally a quicker way to trigger response" I could practically see the ghost of a smile linger on his firmly set lips. My anger and annoyance were already on the rise and if it wasn't for the fact that I don't envy bodily harm I would have jumped out of the car and ran back home.

"you're an asshole" I quipped, my voice actually sounding firm, despite my heart beat accelerating. His face went from nonchalant to a smug expression, and before I knew it he was pulling out his phone and putting it against his ear. Dread ran deep through my entire system. Oh s**t.

"yes, good evening Mrs. Jones. No everything is fine although I did find Elena -

" okay fine I'll tell you" my breathing had escalated, the words barely passed through my lips. I was stupid for not keeping my mouth shut, when was I going to learn.

"I found her quite well... Yes... Have a goodnight"

He cut the call, shoving his phone back into his pocket. My heart was beating heavy, and I took in a steadying breath, of course it did little to calm my nerves.

"start talking" he refocused his eyes on the road, the bland expression returning.

That something that had woken up and made him this way was definitely sick in some way. Something had definitely gone sour inside him.

"Stephen and I were friends, but something happened a few months ago and now I can't stand him"

"my question was what happened virgin?"

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't eager on telling him about my first failed relationship, I'd rather watch grass grow than tell him.

"I really don't understand why this matters to you?"

"it doesn't matter but you and Stephen were close I was just wondering what went south"

"friendships get destroyed all the time" I scoffed.

"yeah but you two were more than friends" I gaped at him and saw the smirk curve in his cheek, how would he possibly know that?

"no" I remarked and folded my arms, this wasn't supposed to be known to him, why was he so adamant? I couldn't risk not telling, he already had my mother wrapped around his finger and she was being used as a pawn in his game.

"Elena" he urged threateningly, his hand almost reaching to his pocket.

"yes yes we were more than friends, I loved him or at least I think I did. But after our last encounter he forgot what he had and found a girlfriend. I hated him for that and I hated myself more because I let him into my heart"

I felt the raw anguish cling to my heart again, it was that breath ceasing heart ache I dreaded so much, I could feel a fraction of it return to torment me.

I found myself staring at my lap trying to blink away the tears that had welled up.

"was your heart the only thing you let him into?" there was a certain tone to his words that made me think he knew something.

"what do you mean?" I narrowed my eyes towards him questioningly.

"I saw you that night he was at your house, I saw how you two were kissing how he had his hands on you, gripping your ass and you enjoying every minute of it"

"What?" it was an inaudible whisper that was laced with astonishment, I could almost taste the disgust in his tone.

His eyes gave me a brief stare and I saw the amount of disdain that was lingering in them. It was like back in that classroom a year ago, how he'd talked about me like I was disgusting and it made me feel hurt. That's what his stare felt like.

"that day I actually came to apologize about what I said, but you just proved me right. Who would have thought the virgin was going to be making face with a 19 year old senior" he shook his head mockingly and returned his gaze on the road.

He came to apologize? That was the first thought that popped in my head. He actually wanted to apologize maybe the humanity wasn't lost in him. But no this Ethan wasn't the one in the parking lot that day, this one had something dark brewing inside him, I could almost taste it myself. Goosebumps appeared on my skin by the thought.

"so that night proved you right? Because I kissed a guy? That doesn't make any sense" I voiced out exasperated.

"maybe you didn't just kiss him virgin, maybe you f****d him"

Oh and the twisted deductions continue, why the hell does it matter anyway it's my body and even if I did which I didn't he had no right to meddle.

"and if I did, so then what? That proves that I'm a hypocrite?"

"yes! - he suddenly yelled- you yourself said you were going to wait so then what happened to the waiting?!" his nose was flaring and the rage in his eyes was not misplaced.

"how do you know that?" suspicion suddenly wafted through me.

How the hell did he know something I had only ever told Lily? Lily wasn't a loud mouth, so how the hell did he know? It might have not been considered a secret to myself but I only told one person so to some extent it did feel like it should have been kept as a secret, something wasn't right.

Lily couldn't betray me, we never did that to each other, we told each other practically everything and kept everything to ourselves.

I kept eyeing him, trying not to will my thoughts into thinking my own best friend betrayed me. She couldn't have.

"because I have my ways"

"that was private Ethan just tell me how you know" I insisted harshly.

He closed his eyes for a moment and when he reopened them, they seemed humane again the glint of fire had disappeared.

"Tobias told me"

"what do you mean? How could Tobias possibly know that?"

It wasn't like Lily to just divulge information I highly doubt she told Tobias anything, they only started seeing each other a few days ago. It couldn't be true.

The car finally came to a stop making me lose my train of thought when my eyes gazed at the medium sized modern house in awe.

Did he seriously mean his house? It looked like a nice home for a bachelor which I guess he was, I just thought it wasn't appropriate for him to live alone yet.

"get out of the car, I'm not a romantic" My trance of staring at the house was cut short by his emotionless words. Well no s**t.

He climbed out of the car and didn't hesitate to start walking into the lavish bachelor pad.

I scrambled in his direction, my thoughts finally getting back on track.

"you still need to answer me" I voiced out as we approached his door. His back was all I was offered while he opened the door and walked in. I had to admit it was very modern, and impeccably clean. I always thought most guys were slobs but this house was changing my thoughts.

It had a modest kitchen that was a dark oak wood theme and had a cinematic living area that even had a fire place below the large screen TV that was mounted on the wall. There was a a glass spiral staircase leading to what I assumed was the bedrooms.

After my eyes had fully taken in the nature of his home they landed back on him.

He was in the kitchen fishing something out of the refrigerator. I slowly took myself to the area and stationed myself on a bar stool.

"can you answer my question now" I stared at him as he peered up holding a jug of what appeared to be pineapple juice, only then did I realize how thirsty I actually was. Annoyance spread through me, I was trying to get answers out of him but now all I wanted to do was beg for a glass of juice. Well not necessarily beg but I was needy for it.

He ignored me as usual and poured two glasses of the drink pushing one in my direction.

"thanks" I quipped and downed the fresh juice, he was partly to blame for my thirst whenever I was around him, I always lost an amount of breath and my throat would just run dry plus all the talking I've had to endure today.

After two glasses of the juice, my stomach felt swamped, okay this is good for now. I was about to keep interrogating him about the secret that clearly wasn't a secret considering two people knew. But he spoke instead.

"tell me -he leaned over the counter top and stared at me, his gaze felt natural for the first time- you know Lily very well huh?"

My brows furrowed, his question was baffling. Of course I knew Lily well, we'd grown up together for the past 9 years we spend every minute we could with each other, she was the sister I never had. Heck I knew her better than myself.

So what in the fudge sticks was he getting at?

"yes I do, she's my best friend" I replied and resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

A smile spread across his features, though it didn't meet his eyes. It was almost mocking and condescending, it made me want to slap it right off his pretty face and maybe knock a few teeth out. But we both know that wouldn't end in my favour.

"so I'm sure you know that her and Tobias had gotten together before" I should have been smarter about the accusation he was throwing but my heart, body and soul weren't ready to face the facts.

"you mean when he kissed her after P.E, yes I know" I folded my arms and glared at him.

What was his aim? I was still trying to wrap my head around a lot of things tonight but Ethan wasn't making it any easier.

"no I mean in tenth grade, when he gave your best friend her first orgasm" he c****d his head to one side.

What!? My body went rigid and I felt my blood run cold. He had to be lying but then what would he gain? There was no way in hell Lily would have kept this from me, much less for this long. Ethan was lying right through his teeth he had to be, he was trying to turn me against my own best friend.

"you're lying! You're a bigger asshole than I thought" for the first time I didn't feel the fear swirl up in my belly, but I felt a deep raw ache assault my heart.

"let's be honest here Elena, I have nothing to gain by lying" he remarked. Pushing off the counter and coming to approach me, my breathing was shaky and I felt the anger run deep in my bones. The cold mask was back on his face, creating his usual blank unbothered look, his grey eyes devoid again.

"now that you've seen how honest your best friend is with you try to figure out how Tobias knew"

I couldn't believe it, I'm not going to believe it. Lily wasn't that kind of person even if she could, she wouldn't.

I almost thought my head was playing tricks with me when I heard Lily's voice. Maybe my sanity levels were dropping by being around Ethan, but the sound of her laughter was impossibly close to the door. She was here? Why was she here?

The door opened and I watched her walk in with Tobias of course. Her gaze faltered at the sight of me but her smile brightened.

"Elena what are you doing here?" she paced towards me with her giddy nature, she looked amazing in her black slacks and a cute purple crop top, not forgetting her usual combat boots. How could I honestly even think she'd betray me.

"I'm not here on my own will Lily trust me" I grunted.

"well obviously I mean I wouldn't think you'd come here knowing he'd be here" she nodded her head in Ethan's direction in a non discreet manner. I stifled a smile.

"hey freckles" Tobias smiled and I returned it, I was getting accustomed to him being kind to us, I knew Lily was the reason though and even if the pet name was a constant reminder that I had freckles I was going to endure like I had been for the past years.

A smile was spread across Ethans' face at the sight of his best friend. I had almost forgotten that these two were practically inseparable they had been friends for as long as they could remember and their friendship was solid. Lily and I had once dubbed them the terrible twosome because through out most of middle school they were bullies that tormented the other kids, Tobias caused more of the problems and Ethan was his shield. I was the only one who ever dared to put Tobias in his place most times.

They were suddenly engrossed in a discussion that I intentionally muted out. My attention was back to Lily who was blushing every 5 seconds. She really has it bad for Tobias.

"can we go outside or something" she suggested and didn't let me respond as she dragged me out of the house and into the night.

I don't think I had ever seen Lily this giddy before. My thoughts ran back to what Ethan told me, could he possibly be telling the truth I felt awful for even considering it but I wasn't going to be at peace with my thoughts unless I proved him wrong, because he was definitely wrong. Heck he had to be.

"okay Elena you seem off, did Ethan do something? Why are you even here with him anyway?" she looked at me with concerned eyes.

"my mom thought it was a good idea for her boss's son to babysit me" I grunted.

"no don't tell me she's playing matchmaker again?" Lily face palmed herself and I chuckled.

My mom had done this before with a few other guys, I don't know why she thought I needed a boyfriend but that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

"she really just can't give up" I replied, my eyes narrowing upwards.

"but at least you don't seem as bothered by Ethan unlike last time" oh Lily I am bothered, my stomach, my heart they aren't working right I'm just trying to convince myself by pretending that he doesn't affect me.

"I'm not weak remember, I can't allow him to consume me" I muttered trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"yes you can't, plus I wonder what it would be like if we all became friends"

"oh no Lily don't push it, him and I are never going to be anything more than adversaries"

"okay fine but it was worth a shot" she pointed a finger at me smiling.

"yeah but it will never happen not in this life time"

"hey I said the same thing about Tobias now look at us"

"but that's different he likes you and you like him back, it's just a matter of time of time before this facade is over and you get into a relationship"

"shut up" she rolled her eyes and tried to hide her blush. I don't think I had ever seen Lily act this way about any guy but Tobias wasn't just any guy obviously. They just seemed to work so well, it reminded me of how Stephen and I seemingly worked just as well. But he had to go and kill it by shattering my heart. I hoped Tobias wouldn't do the same, he seemed to care about Lily.

"okay something is up with you Elena what is it?" her eyes looked at me with concern.

How could she possibly betray me, Ethan was wrong. I took in a breath to calm my frantic thoughts.

"Ethan told me something, and it has been bothering me, of course I don't believe him, but-

"okay Elena you're not getting to the point which isn't your thing, come on spill"

"did you and Tobias ever hook up? I mean before the whole P.E incident" her face fell and I saw uncertainty cross her features.

Her gaze was failing to meet my own which was unlike her. Come on Lily prove me wrong.

Yell at me for being a bad a friend and almost believing the enemy.

"who told you that?"

"Who else Ethan, I knew he was lying" I mentally slapped myself for being so naive.

"yes we did" she was pinching the bridge of her nose while I was praying my ears were deceiving me.

"Lily what!?" the shock was evident in my voice.

"it happened after the school dance in tenth grade, I was stupid and I let him" I shook my head in disbelief. He couldn't be right, but heck he was, and she kept it from me for so long and there I was thinking we told each other everything. Tears were setting in heavy in my eyes nearly cutting out my vision.

"you let him what?"

"he. He performed oral on me and I let him" the air that left my lungs felt like I got a punch right to the gut.

"and you didn't think to tell me? What happened to telling each other everything. You kept this from me for so long" she stared at me with glassy eyes and confusion maybe anger.

"yeah well I didn't necessarily feel comfortable saying anything-

"how weren't you comfortable, I would have never let you feel uncomfortable but I would have wanted you to be more careful considering you and Tobias weren't even on good terms back then"

"how could I possibly feel comfortable when you're always preaching about how you're saving yourself, not everyone wants to be an untouched virgin" I heard my own heart break further, is that what she thought!? I would have never judged her about it. She knew that!

"I never forced you to be an untouched virgin, who knows maybe you aren't" I regretted the words immediately they left my mouth and watched the shock and disappointment spread through her features, I felt my own tears finally trickle down my cheek.

"this is why Stephen chose someone else, you think you're some Saint huh" she moved a step further away hugging herself, for the first time in my life I watched the only friend I had walk away from me and leave me with a bleeding heart and teary eyes.

I stood there for what felt like an eternity, my nose was runny, my eyes were still pouring tears I was half expecting to wake up from this nightmare. Lily and I didn't fight, we never hurt each other. That statement automatically became refutable, we did hurt each other. She walked away from us, I couldn't believe she even said those things. I never acted like a Saint, at least I didn't think I did.

"Elena!" I jumped at the sound of my name, Ethan was approaching me, confusion was stiff on his features.

"what happened?" he kept staring at me perplexed. Did I even have an answer to that question? I don't know what happened, but something happened.

"she left" I managed, trying to control my breathing.

"I know but what happened between you two?" he held my shoulders, almost shaking me as if trying to will an answer from my mouth.

"you were right Ethan" I wiped away my tears I needed to stop crying, but it hurt so bad inside my chest.

"let's get inside" I unconsciously followed him into the house, my mind still replaying the words Lily said.

*That's why Stephen chose someone else, you think you're some Saint.*

*not every one wants to be an untouched virgin*

"s**t virgin stop with the water works" Ethan grunted once we were inside. He took off his sweat shirt, mumbling something about how hot it was getting.

My eyes suddenly became glued to the sight of his body, he was shirtless he hadn't bothered to wear a shirt underneath. I swallowed and tried to not make it obvious that I was staring at the hard impression of his muscles and the glorious V that disappeared under his pants.

Gawd I needed out of here.

"can I use your bathroom?" I sniffed. I was trying my best to not be caught that I was checking him out and this time it was entirely in that way.

"Up stairs, first door on your right" I didn't hesitate to move my feet and leave his presence.

The bathroom well technically not the bathroom but the en suite in his room, was spacious and had a black theme. There was a sizeable shower and an oval tub, both just as clean as the rest of the house. Did he even use these things?

I stared at myself in the mirror above the sink. My eyes were glassy, red and puffy like they were inflamed, my caramel skin was awfully pallid almost like someone who had all their blood drained out of them and my nose was stuffed I couldn't even use my nostrils to breathe. I looked how I felt, horrible!

My brown eyes seemed impossibly large, my hair looked far worse in a ponytail so I let it fall. My hair wasn't long, I had cut it early this year and it reached my shoulders instead.

I finally took in my full appearance, I had always claimed myself to be average in everything, I wasn't tall nor was I short, I wasn't chubby but also not anywhere near skinny. I didn't have glowing skin, I was usually pale, despite being a brown skinned girl. I wasn't some smart ass, my knowledge was about average. Unless math, I was incredibly good at it. But that was just it, I was just the complete package of average, that came with freckles and now the only person who thought I was extraordinary walked away from me.

"you still crying?" I looked up at the guy who made me feel like a dwarf, Ethan was leaning against the bathroom door still shirtless.

"no" I replied, trying to pass through the door without rubbing against his body, I was successful and tried my best to conceal the fact that him being shirtless did affect me.

My eyes wondered down to the happy trail that started from below his belly button down into his jeans. Gawd this is mad! Why the hell am I standing here ogling