Luna Victoria

It’s not my fault. Having all three of my pups with me so they wouldn’t get beaten by their drunken father, I made sure everything was clean. Everything was spotless and freshly done since he was watching television while my pups were all trying to be quiet with me. The smell of bleach still lingered on my hands from scrubbing the floors twice. Alek played quietly with Lysander while Jasira colored inside her little coloring book with her tiny tongue poking out in concentration. None of them laughed too loudly. None of them argued. Even at their young age they already understood what kind of mood their father was in simply by the sound of his footsteps. It shattered something inside me that children so young already understood fear better than peace. I thought everything was fine, that we would be allowed to go to bed in peace until he screamed from the living room. “b***h get yourself over here now!” Faustus wasn’t being kind about his demand and I knew our pups didn’t need this kind of attention. The moment his voice echoed through the house, all three of them went silent. Even the crayons stopped moving. I swallowed hard before forcing myself to smile softly at them. “Eat while it’s warm,” I whispered gently while placing their meals in front of them. My body ached as I walked toward the living room. Every step felt heavy. I was still bleeding. Still empty. Still trying to understand how something that had once lived inside me was suddenly gone. Walking towards him he had unbelted himself and I was shocked to see he was asking of this from me. I had just been going through a miscarriage. For a moment I genuinely thought he would remember. That maybe losing the pup would matter enough for him to leave me alone for one night. But Faustus only looked irritated that I had taken too long. He spread his legs wider while staring at me as if my pain was nothing more than an inconvenience to him. And I understood immediately. My body had never belonged to me. Moving to do what he was asking, the sliding glass door of his small house suddenly burst apart. Glass shattered everywhere. The force of it sent me flying sideways until my body slammed harshly against the wall. Pain exploded through my ribs and for a moment my vision blurred. “Get the pups in the horse stables now!” I didn’t need to be asked twice. Fear alone gave me strength my exhausted body no longer had. I stumbled toward my pups while Alek immediately grabbed Jasira’s hand and Lysander rushed toward me with frightened eyes. None of them cried. That hurt worse than my aching body ever could. Children should cry when they are scared. Mine had learned silence kept them alive. “Hurry,” I whispered desperately while gathering them against me. My legs nearly gave out from the pain between them as I forced myself to run. I had barely recovered from losing the pup, but none of that mattered anymore. Only them. Only keeping them alive. We rushed out of the small house and toward the stables. The cold night air burned my lungs while I dragged my weak body through the dirt and mud until we finally slipped inside. The smell of hay and horses surrounded us instantly. I hid with the pups beneath the stacked hay where the horses fed, pulling all three against my chest while trying to quiet my breathing. Alek wrapped his arms around Lysander protectively while Jasira buried her face against my shoulder. Then I heard it. A man’s voice outside. “Surround this estate, he isn’t here alone and we will find his victims soon!” My eyes lifted toward the stable entrance immediately. His voice sounded beautiful. Strong. Controlled. The kind of voice people trusted easily. And suddenly fear twisted violently inside my stomach. Faustus had sounded charming too once. Soft spoken. Protective. Safe. I remembered believing him when he promised me food and warmth years ago. I remembered trusting the gentle smile that eventually became the face of my nightmare. He had never wanted to save me. He had lured me with the intention of trafficking me, with the intention of keeping me trapped beside his games and breeding his bloodline through my body. My throat tightened painfully. I lived in the stables with the horses while my pups lived inside the small house with Faustus. That alone should have proven what kind of creature he truly was. I moved away from the man’s voice and closed my eyes tightly while pulling my pups deeper beneath the hay with me. The rough pieces scratched against my skin and tangled in my hair, but I welcomed the discomfort. If we stayed hidden enough, maybe they wouldn’t find us. Maybe we wouldn’t be separated. We all remained silent beneath the hay, terrified of being caught and divided between strangers who probably wanted to buy us from Faustus. I held onto my pups tightly against my chest, terrified someone would rip them away from me. That Alek would be forced into becoming one of Faustus’ workers. That Lysander would grow into another violent drunk just to survive. That Jasira… My throat tightened painfully at the thought of her ending up exactly like me. Sold. Touched. Owned. The tears finally slipped down my cheeks but my body no longer shook the way it used to. At some point over the years, even fear had become too exhausted to fully leave my body trembling. Now I simply endured it quietly. Silently. Like an animal waiting for the next beating. Alek pressed himself closer against my side while Lysander buried his tiny face into my stomach and Jasira clung weakly to my arm. I kissed the top of her head softly while forcing myself not to break apart in front of them. No sound escaped me. Not even when footsteps entered the stable. Not even when the horses shifted nervously around us. Not even when the hay above us suddenly moved. Panic exploded through me instantly. Before I could stop myself, a low growl ripped violently from my throat as I moved in front of my pups protectively. As it did, the same man with the beautiful voice spoke to me just as heat began burning violently through my insides from the rage of believing he would take my pups away from me. The man dressed in royal armor slowly placed both of his swords onto the ground. I watched carefully as the others began leading the horses out of the stables while leaving the gates wide open. An escape. Or a trap. I no longer knew the difference. My pups stayed hidden behind me while I crouched lower protectively in front of them. Then suddenly everything became dark. Pain tore through my body violently as heat exploded beneath my skin. I didn’t understand what was happening. My body began glowing with flames so bright the stable itself started catching fire around us. The hay ignited first. Then the wooden beams. Smoke quickly filled the air while my pups cried out behind me in fear. The man’s voice suddenly changed into panic. “Victoria! Your pups, they’ll die if you don’t control this power!” My entire body trembled violently. The flames only grew stronger. “Please, my love let me help you!” he begged desperately while slowly stepping closer. “Allow me to save you all and never let a damn fool take you from me ever again!” His words sounded soft. Comforting. Gentle. Just like the promises once made to me before my life became a cage. Faustus had spoken kindly too once. He had smiled while destroying my life piece by piece until I no longer remembered who I had been before him. Trust had only ever brought me pain. And as I stared at the stranger standing inside the burning stable, dressed like royalty and speaking to me as if I mattered, my trust in him remained exactly the same as it had always been toward my abusers. None.