The Omega Queen

11. Rain

The never-ending pain in my chest prevents me from thinking or breathing or… functioning. I want this agony to end. I want to close my eyes forever. I want for one moment to forget what he had done to me. Each night, I relive the moment Jordan rejected me. My pleas to be heard are never listened to. Jordan always turns his back on me, leaving me alone in the shadows, where the monsters lurk.

I step inside the shower and turn on the cold water. I feel so dirty…. The scent of the guards still clings to my skin, and I want—need—to remove it. Grabbing the soap, I start to wash myself, scrubbing my body hard to the point of pain. But no matter how much soap or water I use, I can still scent them… and it makes me gag.

I close my eyes and slide down along the cold tiled wall until I am crouched down, and I hug my legs with my arms, letting the water—now freezing—cascade down my back.

I see him on top of me, his weight pinning me to the ground, the guards hitting me as he…. Then that white wolf that had always appeared in my head each time I needed him saves me again. He saves me from being… hit and stabbed. After killing those that had harmed me, the white wolf guides me to where I will be later found by… Caleb. It is not the first time my mind has conjured up the white wolf. When the nightmares started, he appeared also. He might be the only thing that is keeping me from going crazy. Safia retreated deep inside my head after Jordan’s rejection, leaving me alone to face my demons. To remember everything that was done to me. Not only by Alpha Ben but by other pack members as well.

Safia’s love for Titan was so intense it broke her to know she would never be with her mate. Her pain vibrates through me, adding to my own.

If I had tried harder to tell Jordan the truth… then he would not have rejected me.

My eyes open, not wanting to remember anymore. I wish Caleb would have never found me. Or he could have been like any other rogue and put me out of my misery. Instead, he forces me to live when all I want is for my misery to end.

The water keeps pouring down on me, and once again, I scrub every inch of my body. But no matter how much I wash myself, I can still feel their scents on my skin….

I want to get in bed, sleep and then wake up and realize everything was just a horrible nightmare and that I am still in Crescent Moon Pack and Jordan still loves me.

Tears run down my face, mixing with the water.

The bathroom door suddenly opens, and a moment later, the scent of dark chocolate and cherries wraps around me, making it easier for me to breathe.

“I so hope you are not showering with cold water,” Caleb groans as he walks over to the towel rack.

In my rush to wash myself, I did not pull the curtain around the shower. I try to hide my body from his sight, but the water suddenly stops, and a towel is draped over my back before Caleb picks me up.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t look at me!” I hiss as I try to cover myself with the towel.

Caleb rushes to get out of the bathroom and puts me on the bed, and turning his back to me, he says, “I am sorry for touching you, knowing how much you hate it. I would not have done it, but you are shaking so badly I doubt you can walk.”

It is only now that I realize how hard I am trembling.

“How long have you been sitting in the shower?” Caleb wants to know.

I frown. “I don’t know. Minutes? I could still feel their scent on my skin, and I wanted to wash it off, but no matter how much I scrubbed, it refused to go away,” I whisper.

If I weren’t looking at him, I might have missed the way his shoulders stiffened for a moment. “I know….” His tone cracks for a moment. After clearing his throat, he asks, “When was the last time you ate?”

I look down at my bony hands, which are clutching the towel tightly around me. “I don’t know.”

“When was the last time you were outside?”

The day Hector said I was well enough to be moved to my new room. “I don’t remember,” I lie.

Caleb disappears inside the walk-in closet, and a few seconds later, he comes out with a pair of leggings, a T-shirt, and a cardigan and puts them next to me.

“You are done moping around,” Caleb says like he has made the decision for me. “The weather is nice, birds are chirping outside; meanwhile, you are withering away in here.”

“I don’t care,” I let him know.

“Well, I do.”

I look up at him. “Why do you care? You could have left me to die.” Without Safia, I can’t tell what his facial expression is, but I can feel Caleb’s scent changing.

“You don’t understand,” he scoffs. And I don’t want to understand.

“I am tired,” I suddenly say, hoping that Caleb will leave me alone and I can crawl back into bed and sleep. This is the longest I have spoken in days.

“You can sleep after the picnic,” Caleb says.

Suddenly my heart stops. “Picnic?”

“Kassandra thinks it is a good idea—” Caleb stops speaking as my eyes fill with tears.

“I hate picnics. And I hate you and your stupid pack! I wish you would have never found me!” I snarl, full of anger.

Caleb exhales loudly. It might not be the first time I said cruel things to him.

“I understand your anger, I do, Red—”

“Rain. My name is Rain!” I yell. “And leave me alone already!”

“We are not doing this again. You are coming outside, like it or not. If you don’t like picnics, we can do something else.”

“I am tired,” I insist.

“Good thing I am a strong, capable male that can carry you, Red.”

I huff. “If I say yes and go out of the room, will you then leave me alone?”

Caleb’s scent changes, becoming sweeter, letting me know he is happy with the idea of me going outside. “We shall see. I will let you change. Come downstairs when you are done.

Caleb leaves, and I let out a big sigh. I look at the clothes and then at the door. The idea of getting dressed or going for a walk makes me so tired I decide to get under the blanket and sleep.

The nightmare starts as soon as I close my eyes—the guards dragging me out of the Packhouse toward the forest, toward the monsters. I scream and kick as I try to free myself, but they are much stronger than me. As we reach the first line of trees, I see the white wolf, his silver eyes looking menacing as he growls at the guards. And then his scent reaches me….

I wake up screaming.

The door bursts open, and Caleb rushes inside.

“You are safe,” he says over and over again as he sits on the bed. I shake my head. He doesn’t understand. “You are safe,” Caleb insists.

Suddenly, there is not enough air. My lungs feel like they are burning.

“Breathe!” Caleb orders me.

When Jordan had used his Alpha Voice on me, there were times when I was able to ignore his orders, but Caleb, with his soothing tone, has me obeying him no matter how hard I try to resist.

My lungs expand, filling with air, and then I exhale slowly.

“Good Omega,” Caleb says. “Take another deep breath,” he orders me again. I do as he asks. “That’s it.”

I look at the window, yellow, red, and orange leaves are visible from where I am sitting on the bed. They remind me of the time I spent with Jordan by the waterfall, having picnics almost daily.

“This is exactly why I want you out of this room,” Caleb says, and I return my attention to him. “Sitting in bed all day long won’t help the nightmares.”

“What do you know?” I sneer. “Don’t act like you know the kind of pain I am going through when you have never been beaten, raped, or rejected!”

Caleb sighs. “It is true that I haven’t been rejected, but I know what it is to have your heart broken.”

I grip the blanket. “Have you ever been in love?”

“I have loved three males, and each time it ended up with me suffering.”

I blink. “Males?” When I finally understand what he means, I say, “Oh! Oh! You are gay.”

Caleb chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “Well… it’s complicated….”

Suddenly being touched by him doesn’t seem so scary anymore. If he is into males, then he has no intention of…. “I am sorry for snapping at you earlier. I know you mean no harm….”

“I have battled my depression for a long time. So I understand what you are going through quite well.”

I am depressed? I glance at the window once more. “That’s why I feel like crying all the time?”

“And why you are tired. Or feel down.”

I nod because I remember Elly and Dan being depressed after their parents were killed. While I don’t think the pain in my chest is caused by my depression, I am tired of being tired. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

“Then get dressed and join me for a walk. And maybe reconsider joining the picnic. Kassandra and the pups would love for you to join.”

My fingers grip the soft material of the blanket so hard that my knuckles turn white. I don’t know who Kassandra is. “He used to organize picnics for me. Until he rejected me. I can’t—” I whisper, hoping Caleb will understand.

Caleb mutters something under his breath I can’t quite catch. “No picnics then. How about cake? Blade made an—”

“No cake!” I say fast. “Or tuna sandwiches or chocolate bars.”

“I can understand you hating picnics. But cake? Or chocolate? And tuna sandwiches are the best thing in the world! It so happens I am a master chef when it comes to sandwiches. How about I make one for you?”

My eyebrows shoot up. “You like tuna sandwiches?” Then my shoulders drop. “Jordan hated them.”

“Jordan this, Jordan that,” Caleb mutters. “f**k Jordan! He rejected you. And you know what’s the best cure for a broken heart?”

Is he thinking what I am thinking?

“Ice cream!” Caleb and I say at the same time.

Talking to Caleb distracts me from my pain.

“I think I saw an unopened tub of vanilla and caramel ice cream in the freezer. How about we grab it and make a run for it?” Caleb suggests.

“What do you mean by ‘grab it and make a run for it?’” I ask, confused.

“I think Blade wants to serve it as dessert for dinner. So we either steal it or we share it with everyone else during dinner. And it is one tub for the entire Main House.”

While I have been in Black Ruby Rogue Pack for quite some time, I am yet to meet those living here. Except for Lyla, Hector, Caleb, Conon, and Blade, I haven’t spoken to anyone else. I met Blade soon after Caleb found me. He is one of the few Omegas living in the pack.

“But if we eat the entire tub of ice cream, then what will everyone have for dessert?”

Caleb ruffles his short black hair. “Blade made apple pie early this morning so they can have that. Maybe you prefer the pie?”

I fidget with the blanket as I make up my mind. “Ice cream sounds amazing. And maybe a walk is not such a bad idea.”

“Good Omega,” Caleb says and reaches out his hand to touch me. I jerk my head away from him, and his hand drops on his knee. “I will let you get changed then. And Red? This time don’t fall asleep again.”

“I won’t,” I say, and Caleb leaves the room.

With the idea that soon I will be eating ice cream—which is absolutely my favorite thing in the world—I get out of bed. A vanity desk sits close to the bed, and I sit in front of the mirror for a moment, looking at the tangled mess my hair has become. Caleb had offered to help me brush it, but the idea of being touched by a male made my skin crawl. Not having the necessary energy to deal with my hair, I put on the clothes Caleb left on the bed for me and, after putting on a pair of Converse, for the first time in weeks, I step out of my room.

Caleb is waiting for me in front of the door. He stands there, facing me, and I can feel his gaze lingering on my face. His scent doesn’t tell me anything about how he is feeling.

How I wish Safia would find a way to pull herself out of her grief. I miss her so much.

“Ready?” he asks, and I nod.

The Main House—as Caleb calls it—is quiet. Maybe the pack members are at the picnic Caleb mentioned, and I don’t have to meet anyone new. Tomorrow, if I am less tired, I might consider it, but for now, Caleb is more than enough. Even talking to him becomes tedious.

We make it to the kitchen without bumping into anyone. Inside, a male—probably Blade—is singing. While I am not good with music, I am sure he missed more than a few notes.

Caleb brings his index finger to his mouth—I think. Understanding what he means, I nod, and Caleb slowly opens the door to the kitchen, and after a quick peek, he tiptoes inside. From the doorframe, I watch how Caleb goes to the freezer and opens it. Blade, who has his back to us, is washing some dishes and singing from the top of his lungs. I am surprised Blade hadn’t caught Caleb’s scent.

Caleb turns to me, and after pointing to the sink, he makes his way there. I am waiting to see what Caleb is up to when he suddenly snatches two spoons put to dry, and he runs to me. Blade stops what he is doing and spins around.

“Let’s go!” Caleb says as he grabs my hand and yanks me after him. Without thinking, my feet move fast, and I find myself running.

“Caleb Black, if you stole the ice cream!” Blade yells behind us. Caleb laughs, and I am pretty sure Blade is cursing at Caleb.

We get out of the Main House, running for the trees that mark the start of the forest, before slowing to a walk. It does not take long for me to start panting, running proving to be more exhausting than I thought. Luckily we find a log and stop. We sit on the log, and Caleb hands me a spoon and then opens the ice cream tub.

“I must say, I have never met an Alpha like you,” I say as I start digging into the ice cream.

“And how am I supposed to be? Grumpy and stern?” I shrug as I taste the ice cream. It is so good I am pretty sure my eyes are rolling at the back of my head like dice. Caleb keeps talking, “I am twenty-four, I am supposed to have fun.”

“You are twenty-four? You are old.” I had no idea talking to Caleb could be so easy. If not for the constant pain in my chest, I might be able to forget for a few moments about the horrors of the night Jordan rejected me.

“I am not,” Caleb retorts.

I shrug, and we finish the ice cream in silence.

“Thank you for the ice cream and for… distracting me,” I say when we are on our way to the Main House. While the weather is indeed nice, I don’t seem to be able to enjoy it.

“Anytime,” Caleb lets me know. “And if you want more ice cream, you only need to ask.”

“You know, this is the first time I am able to really enjoy ice cream.”

“How so?” Caleb asks, curiosity in his tone.

“Things were complicated in the other pack,” I let him know.

“While I want to know everything about your past, I am aware that you are not ready to talk about it. But when you are ready, I would love to listen to your story.”

The idea of telling Caleb about my childhood fills me with shame. I am pretty sure he had loving parents and didn’t grow up slaving around for his pack. “My childhood was pretty boring,” I lie, “but I would love to find out how you came to be a rogue.”

Caleb suddenly stops in his tracks, his scent changing, and I can swear I can feel pain radiating from him.

“I should not stick my nose in your business,” I say as I stop in front of him.

Caleb resumes walking. “My childhood was… hell,” he says as he walks past me.

You are not the only one, I think, as I go after him.