KANA

Part V

Today Kana returned from abroad. She gave the news yesterday to pick her up at the airport this morning. I couldn't sleep at night. Can't wait to meet her.

She didn't go a week like she said. It's even been almost two weeks. I almost went crazy waiting to hear from her. And how could she not even call or text in that long? She didn't go to the moon so she couldn't give any news, right?

Well, I'm nothing to her so she has to keep me informed. Same reason why I didn't contact her first. I'm just her bodyguard. No more.

Still, I can't wait to see her again. To see her face, to always be near her. Like it used to be.

I even lost a lot of weight. While I was at home, I often nagged and got angry. My two poor little brothers were my most frequent targets. I would be annoyed when they woke me up in the morning, but I was also annoyed if they didn't wake me up. I would nag just because the neighbor honking the horn in front of the house and saying it was rude. Even took issue with the rest of the shampoo mixed with water. An said that I was possessed by demon.

However, my mood changed when I got a message from Kana. She will come back. I will meet her.

Me and Mang Ramli who picked her up. We waited at the overseas arrivals desk an hour early. Don't want her to be abandoned because we are late to pick her up. Also more because I can't wait to see her soon. I even ignored Mang Ramli's tirade that he thought we were leaving too soon.

"But not so fast as well Non !" Mang Ramli protested for the umpteenth time.

"Sorry, Mang! I was afraid that Kana had been waiting for a long time," And this is also the number of times I'm apologizing.

"But it's not like this, Non !" Mang Ramli kept complaining about the same thing . "Why you loved Non Kana that much?."

I gasped at the last sentence. Is it obvious? Does Mang Ramli know? Could it be that Kana also knows?

Ah! What do I think? Mang Ramli was only joking. As usual.

We waited more than an hour because Kana's plane was delayed. Of course, it was predictable that Mang Ramli was getting more and more jealous. He said he getting hungry from waiting too long. Even though we just had breakfast before going to the airport.

Kana finally emerged from the arrival gate. She looked exactly the same as the last time I saw her. As she walked through the door, then waved at me, as if she never left. As if the last two weeks had never happened at all.

And she looked just as happy as when she left. Of course. She had just met her husband. Then, I suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of Kana spending time with a man. Day and night.

An may be right that I'm possessed by the demon. Not long ago I was excited to meet her, then changed drastically when I saw her wide smile. She is beautiful. Incredibly beautiful. I don't hate her smile. I just hate the reason behind that smile.

"Dara!" Kana jogged, then jumped up to hug me.

I really wasn't ready. This may be her way of expressing her happiness. What I don't understand is, why is she doing this to me? Suddenly leaving me when there was only her in my head, then she never said anything for days. Now she hugged me as if she was also looking forward to this meeting.

Like I said earlier that I wasn't ready. Completely unprepared to not understand myself. How can I control my heart for her, as Ar suggests, if she treats me like this? What does she want from me?

I hugged her back so tight. I looked down and buried my face in her warm neck. Inhaling the scent of the body that I miss so much. Just this time, okay? I don't want to hold back.

"I'm here too, Non !" said Mang Ramli.

Kana took her hand off me, then sneered at the man. "Yes, you are man. I don’t want to hug you!"

That sentence made me realize. Kana doesn't hug me just because she misses me. She did it because I was a woman. Even if Mbak Dedeh were here, I'm sure she would do the same.

"Come on, we are going to the car. My feet are sore." Mang Ramli took Kana's travel bag and helped carry it.

"Come on!" Kana then hugged my arm, and invited me to walk side by side. As she walked, she looked up at me over the corner of my shoulder. "How about you? Did you miss me?"

Of course I miss her. It even got to the point where I felt like I was going crazy for it. But I just answered the question with a cold-sounding lie. "No!"

She put on a sullen face. "I miss you though!"

She can't do this to me right? She probably thought that it was fine to say such things between girls. However, I am different. I like her.

She even opened the door for me, and let me in first. The place next to her. Luckily, Mang Ramli didn't see it because he was busy loading Kana’s bag into the trunk.

"It's good to be back home," She sighed as he slapped her back against the back of the chair. The next second she leaned forward, holding onto the back of Mang Ramli's chair, which was already behind the wheel. "I also brought gifts for the kids."

"Chocolate?" Guess Mang Ramli to which Kana nodded.

"I brought chocolates for you too!" This time Kana spoke to me.

"Hmm!" My response is cold.

"And alsooooo ..." She reached into her handbag then took something out of it. "Special gift!"

She handed me a flower. A red tulip with a pink ribbon tied in a clear plastic wrapper. This is my first time receiving flowers from someone, for whatever reason?

Mang Ramli cleared his throat while peeking at us from the rearview mirror. I could see him grinning at me through the movement in his eyes.

"Don't want to? My hands are getting sore!" She swung the flower in front of my face.

"It turns out that it's not only Non Dara who really loves Non Kana. Non Kana also really loves Non Dara," said Mang Ramli. "I've never been given flowers."

The joke made my face feel hot. Maybe now it has turned red. Even when I received the flower with both hands, the blush on my face brightened even more.

"Finally it 's done, Non , you got a younger sister as you wish," continued Mang Ramli again.

"Isn't hse adorable?" Kana pinched my cheek without warning, making me a little surprised. "Look at this blushing face!"

Younger sister. That's what Kana thought of me. Even though it was a privileged position for a bodyguard like me, I didn't appreciate it. I'd prefer it if she didn't think of me at all. Maybe.

This flower means nothing to her. I overreacted. And still, my heart pounded when I received something that meant nothing to her. I already like her. I guess I can't go anywhere else.

Can I handle this? On the one hand I need a job while on the other hand I can't control my feeling for her. Of course this would be bad for me. I will be constantly heartbroken. This married woman in front of me, only considers me as a little sister.

"Go straight home, Non ?" asked Mang Ramli after we left the airport complex. "Or should we eat first? Non Dara is making me hungry."

Mang Ramli had been complaining of hunger since earlier. I know he said the sentence just now because he was joking. I began to recognize the nature of the man. Most of his remarks are not serious.

"I’m sorry Mang.  We just going home. I'm really tired," Kana replied, "We'll just buy food on the road later."

Mang Ramli just nodded obediently and didn't dare to protest. Slightly, I tried glancing to steal glances at her. She was leaning her head against the back of the chair, closing her eyes. She looks tired. Didn't she just go on vacation? What was she doing to be so exhausted?

It felt like beating my brain that was constantly thinking about things that would hurt my heart. I don't have to think about what she does with her husband when they haven't seen each other for a long time. I also don't have to imagine it in my head. Of course, I did both at the same time.

A minute later, she inched closer to me. Then she hooked her arms and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I'll borrow your shoulder for a second, okay?" She asked asking permission after putting on my shoulder first. I only answered with a nod.

I really don't mind. If a little thing like this could ease her tiredness, I wouldn't mind at all. Especially lately I feel her body a little warmer. Not like the usual body warmth. Looks like she has a fever. She might still look so cheerful, but she couldn't hide that exhausted expression. Even her breath was heavy. I'm sure she's not all right.

I touched her forehead. Even warmer. "You have a fever?"

"I think I'm a little ill," She nodded in reply with a low mumble, then pressed her head against my shoulder more. "Missing you makes me feel sick."

It's just bullshit. She will call me at least once if she really misses me. However, I have no right to protest or even feel annoyed. I am nothing to her.

But… didn't she already look unwell before leaving the country? What if for the past few days she was constantly sick? If so, she was more than just being unwell.

"You want to go to the hospital?" I asked her.

She lifted his head slightly while grinning at me. "You're worried about me?"

"Of course," I admitted straight away, "you weren't feeling well when you left, and now you're back with a fever. There's no way I wouldn't be worried about you!"

Kana smiled and then sat up straight again. "It's good to hear your nagging."

At first glance I heard Mang Ramli clear his throat behind the wheel, and I could see his gaze in the rearview mirror as if he was making fun of me. I don't know why I feel insulted by that look. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just showing my concern for Kana. Isn't that normal?

"It's not like I keep getting sick," Kana continued again, "But I admit that I'm a bit tired. I just need a little rest, no need to go to the hospital."

I didn't say anything else. Even paying attention to what I think is normal is enough to make me look disgusting in other people's eyes. Ar right. I should be able to control myself and know the limits I shouldn't cross. I wish I could be more professional and know how to position myself without getting carried away.

However, wasn't Kana the first one to cross that line? By hugging me as soon as she came. By saying that she misses me. By buying me flowers. By leaning on my shoulder. Kana who crosses existing boundaries. Not me.

Then why did I get that look from Mang Ramli? Was it because Kana was his boss that he didn't dare? Or is it because I seem to enjoy it when Kana acts over the line for a normal person?

" Non ?" Mang Ramli still looked at me with the same mocking look . "Put on your seat belt, don't just sit on it!"

Ah! Seatbelt. It's true that I haven't worn my seat belt properly. This was the source of Mang Ramli's mocking gaze. I was too presumptuous of him. He 's not judging me, but I'm not wearing my seatbelt.

"You should worry about yourself first before anyone else, " Kana reached for the seat belt from my side, then helped me put it on. I gasped and was shocked because what she did was so sudden. Though I could just about to put it on.

“I… can do it myself,” I stammered as I fixed the seatbelt that was already on. Stupidly I even thought that she was going to kiss me earlier. The contents of my head turned out to be really dirty.

"But I put it on you!" Kana said it like it was a big thing to be proud of. She even smirked at me. "Doesn't your heart flutter about it?"

"Stupid!" I pushed her gently so she wouldn't get too close to me. "It's hot here! Stay away!"

"Eh? You just cursed me?" Kana tried to glare at me with her tired eyes.

"She just made fun of you, Non !" Mang Ramli also heated up and laughed.

"I'll punish you as soon as we get home," Kana folded her arms across her chest and turned her face out the window. "You have to remember that I'm not a forgiving person!"

She wasn't serious about the punishment, was she? I'm not even serious about it. I was stupid because I fell off guard and forgot that Kana was still my boss. Now I can only hope it's not a harsh punishment to serve. And hopefully, she doesn't cut my salary either.