The Queen of Nothingness

Goodbye

"Who are you?"

A light shining as bright as the sun almost blinded me. Her face was unclear but I could tell that her complexion was of the snow, pure and white. Her orbs glowed along with the luminosity. Golden irises, I presumed. Then there's her wings. Soft and smooth, like a pillow I wanted to lay down on. It's large and wide as the sky. I might have had exaggerated a bit much.

She smiled at me. Her radiance was cleansing and peaceful to my soul. It was as though I was already home after days being lost inside the dark forest. She chimed in, "I am Rafaela, an angel sent here to grant you a gift."

My eyes were fixed on her, wanting to listen more. I could not glance away from the brilliance, dawning upon me. The holiness of the golden aura coated her with divine warmth, emotions of love imbued in her heart and fused to mine.

My lips parted halfway but my mind was in bafflement of what to say. I forgot due to this angel who appeared before me. I had heard stories of angels giving presents though I never expected her to come just when I became trapped in the dark.

Rafaela continued, "The gods allowed me to grant you the power to light up all that's dark, and light up those who are stuck like how you are chained to shadows of the forest."

The greens of my orbs dilated and astonishment embraced my soul, filling with luxurious hope of being someone amazing. But this ability would only allow everyone to have their sights on me and I alone for this power was not easy to obtain. Thus the spotlight would grow brighter.

Before I knew it, my stomach churned. And it wasn't the only a blessing that Rafaela gave me. It was also a curse that would restrain me under the spotlight I dare not receive.

"But to use it, you must have balance between light and dark. Good and bad. Hope and despair. Peace and war. Don't let one side take over your whole persona."

"Then I reject."

I shook my head, frowning. Having balance might not be so easy as counting one to three as I had seen from my dead uncle who was murdered for his power, fame, fortune and glory. I knew him well enough like a second father to me. He was admirable, taught me things about the world and others that weren't learned by my siblings.

King Xan of Ashcroft was the greatest king known in the whole wide world. But the spotlight shone upon him enabled doom and demise to ambush him.

He died when I was six yet I remembered who he was vividly. And the day of his death was the day I turned down all of the focused attention on me. The day I promised myself not to be like him and become the shadow lingering in the dark.

The angel, however, didn't consider my decision. "No you cannot." Thus, Rafaela conjured up the heavens to stir the magic I solely despised to my veins. "I am sorry, Chiara Violets, but this is the decree order by the archangels and I have no say in it."

The angels were only messengers but the high ranking winged divine species were the true granters of the enchanting powers, bringing death one step closer to catch up with the possessor of the power.

My dreams were never happy, pinkish and unicorn-friendly. Nightmares often visited me afrer my eyes shut tight and pull me down to the wonders of the dark I longed for. It was too much, however. It brought about the guilt and bad memories within me.

It was the thing called balance. Hard to maintain and easy to break.

I awoke after a nap to preserve my energy for the night. Swords and metal armors clanked below my window, guarding the outside if ever I had a plan to run away. Outside the door was Caster and another knight who deserved power. Magic knights, as they were called, those who wielded a weapon and ability to protect the empire just as they refused to be a King whose crown could be bestowed upon by the heavens above.

"Where are you going, little miss?" Silvery and sweet, a little tone of pleasantry swam around her throat. The familiar voice spoke behind me while I quickly packed pocket money for my leave.

Bottle green eyes glowed in curiosity around the corner of my dark room. Her brownish hair, long and mellow, were tied up into a high ponytail with a red ribbon, forcing all the colors to come to light.

"Mom," I breathed at her arrival I had not heard. The door would creak whenever it was opened and most likely, my mother would never enter a room through the windows. No matter how courageous her heart was, she was still the Queen of the first empire in the world.

"Is it guiltiness again?" Her smile was motherly but sad, embellished in affection. "Don't worry, I won't tell your father."

I had often been devoured by the burden of the heart and thoughts. Probably, it was called by the lack of balance in my veins.

Light and dark were metaphorically the other version of good and bad. I was blessed with an amount of goodness no one alive would have. Most thought that the bad side wasn't necessary. As a matter of fact, it was. I remembered Rafaela the angel trying to convince me that day to accept the inevitable gift fate had planned out for me.

She had stated, "Too much goodness will cause naivety that would harm one's self. Too much badness will cause a monster to be unleashed that would cause destruction of humanity. Humans aren't humans without both living in their system. So, retain the balance, kind child. Don't let either one of it swallow you up."

Whenever I was beginning to absorb the evil personality I hide, the ability on my fingers would spark like fireworks and if ever I was too much, it would explode just like the last time I lost control.

It was several months after I had been compelled into submitting to the will of the gods. Young and fragility were words one would describe me. Especially the teachers of Praecantatio who had once taught me of control that I had difficulty in processing.

There was a girl back then, a year older than me although most of them were actually the same age as my brother. I was an exception since I deserved the divine light though I can never forget who that girl was and what she did to me that misfortune day, causing me to be banished from the academy. Even though I was out of control for a few days, they never took me in.

Lyhn Dardonne, the first daughter of the a captain of the Royal Knights from the neighboring kingdom called Laxarda. A beaut she was but it was only because no one other than me had seen her true colors, waving like a prideful flag of her confidence and courageousness.

Light magic can also heal even the most largest and most painful wounds but the price for it was not to heal completely, turning into a scar, and almost all of the user's energy would be depleted until the salving of divine magic had been endured and finished. I had been in that situation one time yet it wasn't when Lyhn asked me to cure her sister. It was a different day, when I had not yet mixed in guilt of what I had done.

Lyhn politely pleaded to cure her sister who was about to die due to the state that it was incurable by the doctors and medical experts. I was out of fuel back then and if I were to let it shine and dawn upon that person for her disease to dissolve, in exchange, I could've died.

Hence, I refused. Lyhn's sisterly love for Lysa was superior to what I owned for Tina. Exceedingly, I acknowledged that when the warmth of anxiety and bafflement from her tears did not wash away so easily. Eyes soaked in salty water turned the whites to have the shade of red, sore through all the crying.

She begged and kneeled down to me, not because I was a princess nor because of who I am but for the reason that I was the only person who had the chance to save her sister, Lysa, from the tormenting hands pulling her body down, indlicting with hardships and mental bruises, to yank Lysa to her demise.

I had apologized to the Dardonne sisters for something I had no strength to be capable of. But Lyhn wouldn't just accept the fact that her sister would soon be at death's door and I wasn't sufficient to be the pioneer of fate or be the Queen of Light Magic all along. I wasn't, and it had been declared since the second Lysa died.

The sister blamed me for being so useless. Words of hate had been spoken to the daughter of a king. Lyhn would not stop condemning me because I had not been able to save Lysa. She had thundered out once, "The angels must've made a mistake. You are not worthy to hold that divine power!"

Everything she announced and gossiped were true. Declining it was a great weight to my chest as though the lies I would say were heavy and unliftable. At the end of the day, she drowned me in the vast waters of guilt and boundless thoughts, taking my oxygen to breathe and stay in control.

Flickering pointy stars managed to resurface from the tips of my fingers and spread to my palm while I had not bore the hurtful words they had told.

"Murderer!" One had said.

"Unworthy!" Another had proclaimed.

"Liar!" The others had incited.

"Demon!" She who was once my best friend had remonstrated.

Another reason why I never wanted my so-called blessing or how the spotlight would always find me. I couldn't reach people's expectations thus created a storm inside of me that would materialize whenever negativity got the best of me and almost killed half the academy's population. Almost.

Control. It was what I needed and what I had trouble to find. It's something only my family can do and why I should never leave their side.

The royal family of Violets were the breaks to the chaos in my heart, the peace to my war, the hope to my despair, the joy to my sadness, the good to my bad, and the light to my dark. That's why I shouldn't ever be a world away from them or else, the possibility that I would fortuitously emerge blood to rise from an accidental m******e could occur. I cannot allow this to happen but I had to leave, no matter the cost.

"I should. I want to stop whatever all this is and I want to find my brother. Don't you want that too, Mom?" I discarded her foremost question and bluntly expressed what I had in mind.

She was tear-eyed though the sadness had dispersed. A grateful and proud grin approached that made me realize how lucky I was to be her child. "My dear daughter has finally grown up. Whatever could I do with you?"

My feet were faster than my brain. Arms wrapped around my mother and my chin rested on her shoulder. I whispered, "Stay safe, will you?"

"Don't be rash. Think first." She ran her hand through the tied black strands of my hair.

"I know."

"Don't get sad that we cannot be with you."

"I know."

"And most importantly," she exhaled as my mother released me from her squeezing embrace. "Don't ever die. Bring back your brother. Get home safely, and your father and I will do everything in our power to make sure both of you stays alive."

My cheeks glowed when I could not help but feel proud that I was the daughter of a supportive and understanding mother despite all the battles and troubles I would encounter in the near future. Death was one of it. But Mom had a crazy amount of belief in her children.

She excused the guards for the moment, saying that we were onwards the library for something academically important. I expected for new teachings about the world for I to learn from Mom when in fact she was only going to show me something I had never discovered in my entire life I'd been wandering around the castle rooms and halls.

"This will directly lead you to the same standing outside the gate of the maze. Once you get out, find a safe place to hide for the night. Hide your distinct ebony hair into a common color like mine. Don't let anyone know who you are," she wisely instructed.

There were people out there who wanted my power. Who wanted me. They had successfully captured my brother at one shot, then what else of me? Someone average in terms of academics and swordsmanship. Someone who didn't even know what kind of blessing the light demonstrated. Someone who only knew of the empire since the day I was born.

An adoring gaze tightly hold onto my mother. "Mom, thank you." The corners of my eyes crinkled as tears suppressed its flowing. "Don't worry, I'll come back. I'll bring Ro with me."

One last hug was what I received from her before I went to the tunnels and deeply denoted, "Until then, good bye."