Love Diary of an Introvert

Love Diary of an Introvert entry 8

What should we write?

Of course you've forgotten that it's my f*****g birthday!!!!!

December 17 9am

Hehehehehe!

So literally I'm seventeen on a seventeenth.

When I woke up I got a lot of wishes from my online friends and I was surprised that so much people wished me and you could see the love in their wishes. I was so happy. Well I posted on my story, thanked people that wished me too. My social media was merrier than real life.

After getting downstairs this morning, my mom prayed but it's not the usual way she prays , I mean the joy isn't there like others but what can I do. She went out with Tatiana.

I told her that I don't want to stay home for the birthday, though I don't have money for celebration so I'm just going to my friend’s house. Just wanted to change environment. Not bad right?

Well I wanna get ready so byeeeee.

11:30AM

Am I late? ‘cause I planned on fixing my nails too but I guess I'm still early. My friend makes nails. So we'll be back by evening to tell you how my day went. So, bye again!.

7pm

Let's start from other times before now. After getting to my friend's place she said she wanted to go to the mall to get some clothes for her cousin since it's Christmas soon. So I knew that my nails isn't going to work at that point. I felt disappointed but there wasn't any issues, there's always a coming back here, right?

Well, while she was gone, I watched my Korean drama. Her brothers were home and their stupid dog got me in the kitchen for some minutes, that dog definitely doesn't like me ‘cause the hell would he open the door just to come and scare me in the sitting room. Trust me, I felt my heart in my oesophagus. I could have fainted.

Am I exaggerating?(Hehe)

And while she was gone,I ordered food, it wasn't much but that's just a gift for myself since I wasn't gifted, just money was given to me. I must say I love myself and I'm loving myself.

Well, when she came back, it was late so truly I couldn't fix the nails and trust me my friends is the best at it.

Around 5pm when she got back, we chatted a little, she got me some snacks too. After everything I wanted to get Tatiana and my brother (what's his name again) he's so stubborn that I've forgotten his name.

Since Tatiana wasn't home, there's no way I can keep the ice cream for her not when our refrigerator had given up the ghost.

When we got to the supermarket, I ended up getting two cheese balls,ice cream, sponge case and a sponge for me and something else I can't remember. Eventually I got home late.

My mom wasn't back though. After I arrived, I arranged the house, forced my brother to his part of the house chores and I couldn't cook because I know whatever they cook I'm not going to eat from it.

I think my mom is back. Byeeeeeee again. I want to tell her to pray for me again since she didn't the last time. Here we go

9pm

In all the diary entries I've written, have I ever mentioned how exhausted I was? If I did please put it aside, I'm so down emotionally and physically. It started when my mom said I couldn't call her to ask what was going to be prepared the night and next day. I mean food. She asked me to get some things but they weren't there and that's when I started to walk up and down. I couldn't get it, she called me to come back with insults left and right. I didn't know the prayer I wanted would lead to this. I cried too. My brother tried talking to her that she could have just let today go but she didn't answer him.

When I went online, I started to cry and the reason is because I wonder why my family didn't get to wish me like they would even my father too. My online friends wished me a lot that I started to cry. I don't even know if it's cry of happiness or sadness. But I cried.

I don't even know if I'm in a good mood for delusions.

And I have no idea on what to think of. Or should we continue from the last imagination?

And yes, my brother gave me a drink. Hehe.

I actually write poems too and I notice that it's more on heartbreak and trust me my ex would think I still want him but writing sad poems and listening to sad music is my own way of therapy. I can't be in a sad mood of which I'm willing to cry then listen to a bright and fast music, no it's so durrr. Hehe. I listen to sad music either from my Korean boy band or Tatiana Manaois and the likes. She has a name like my sister. Hehe. I actually listen to Ashley Kutcher, SZA, Asa, Laurence Spencer, Alec Benjamin and so on. And if you listen to their song you'd definitely see it's an heartbreaking song. I listen to a siren song too. I'm weird I know. I love the sound, the voice, everything about siren is so good to me. Should I talk about my boy band in the next entry? Hmmm

Well it's time for delusions. I think I've been saying this “well” since. Hehe.

He asked when I'm going to leave the beach and I'm like I don't even know when and that's because I don't know the way to my house.

“Would you stay at mine?”

“Huh?, stay at yours?” I was startled by what he asked.

“Uhm,I'm just getting to meet you,I don't think I'll be comfortable by that,I don't know the intentions you have towards me”

“It's fine,I'm not forcing you, you can sleep here, I can….” He was interrupted by me

“So you mean, uhm, I should sleep here all alone?, I thought you cared,hehe”

“You didn't let me finish, uhh, uhhh..?”

“Ammy!”

“Sorry about that, Ammy…”

Omg!!!!! No one has ever called my name that way before, it sounded so interesting and sweet. I love my name at this point.

“Can you hear me?”

Was he saying something?

“Uhmm..uhmmm.”

“You don't have to think, I'll call my men now or I've called them so they can help you set a tent here free from insects, harsh weather too and very comfy. Since you don't want to come to mine. And….oh here they are, they'll watch you all night and give you food, just ask them whatever you want and it's done.”

Is this happening?

“Huh, that's so nice of you, I mean thanks so much too, I'm really glad, I thought I'd die of cold here overnight, thanks again.”

“It's fine” he said

They set up the tent, it was big too and filled with various food ,it was comfy. He left saying he had something to take care of overnight. I thanked him again.

Deep down I'm still scared. Hehe. Don't worry you're in a dream, you can't die. Hehe.

Well, even if I die in my dreams, I'd love it.