INSOMNIA

Chapter five

Amy wiggled on me as I carried her into the house.

"How are you, Sweetie?" I asked, smiling broadly. I was happy. And then looking at her, I frowned. This would have been the time when her mom would yell at her to let me go, she'd always yell:

"Why don't you leave Daddy alone, can't you see that he is tired."

I really didn't mind. But of course, Amy never thought that I got tired. To her, I was superman to her. I had to be.

"Ya, there we go," I said as I dropped her. She giggled and ran inside. I exhaled, I was really tired. My mother walked in, wiping her hands with a hand towel.

"Good evening ma," I greeted her, she smiled, walked over and hugged me tight. Then she let go and inspected me.

"Look at your face, you are beginning to get dark circles under your eyes. It's been how many weeks and you already look so much older. do you even sleep at all? and look at how skinny you are." She poked at my ribs,

"I'm fine, mother." I said, trying to end the inspection.

"You are a man for heaven's sake, you need to start acting like one."

I walked over to a couch and sat down, I wish Mother wouldn't yell. I felt like a child all over again. What has being a man got to do with this. Since when did one's anatomy determine how emotional they should get?

Sitting down beside me, she softened her tone and said:

"I know how you feel, believe me. When I lost your father, I thought my whole world had ended. I even wanted to take my own life." She paused and sighed. I looked at her, suicide? That was news to me.

She looked up at me, "but you were here, my only consolation. I had you and so I had a reason to live." She rubbed my arm and then stood up. She looked at my daughter who was planted in front of the t.v,

"You have her. That's your reason to live." She went into the kitchen.

I looked at Amy who was watching Spongebob squarepants. I felt peaceful at that moment. I sighed, maybe mother was right. I needed to stop the grieving, it really was affecting me.

I stood up at sat beside Amy in front of the TV.

"Hey princess, wat'ya doing?"–I said playfully. My eyes strained a bit, maybe we were too close to the TV.

Amy smiled, without looking away, "I'm watching cartoons, it's really good. That yellow one is Spongebob and the pink one is patrick' .

"Oh, they seem nice," replied sincerely.

She nodded, "uh-huh, and they are my friends, too".

"William, what will you eat?"–Mom called from the kitchen.

"Don't worry, Mother. I have to go anyways, some other time."

She came out of the steaming kitchen, "Nonsense. Here take this," she handed me a bag packed full with plastic plates of food.

"Thank you, ma." I said, taking the bag. I got on my feet and picked up my jacket.

Mother quickly looked at me, "What are you doing?"

I was confused.

She shook her head, waving the spoon in her hand, "That food is for you when you go home. You will dinner with us."

It was not a suggestion, "Yes mother."