To Die for... Truth

TWO

TWO

CLUTCHING THE URN TO her chest, Tess dropped her weight against the front door to close it. The wall clock in the kitchen ticked. Even in the hall, she could hear it. The solitary sound. Ticking. The seconds of her life dwindling away.

The stairs straight ahead led to rooms she shared with her mother.

Had shared.

They didn’t share anything anymore. Never would again.

It took every ounce of energy to draw her next breath.

The only world Tess knew was the one her mom created.

What was her world without its creator?

They didn’t need anyone else.

Except now she was alone.

Alone.

News of the car accident had stopped her world on its axis. From two to just one, Tess had been halved. Her life was half gone.

What to do next? Her well of inner strength was parched; her knees ached to buckle. It was a test. Collapsing into her grief would be the easy option. Easy didn’t mean right.

Giving up in that pivotal moment meant never getting back up again.

It was a choice. Every step she took was a choice, every decision. Tess wouldn’t fall down, she’d stand tall. Even when it was hard, they had to keep going, like Anne taught her.

Pushing away from the door, Tess strode to the stairs, beset by a new determination. Her mom had said “soon.” For her, soon was that minute.

There were rules about leaving an abode for the last time. Clear rules. They couldn’t leave anything behind. Nothing that could identify them.

First thing was laundry. The beds had to be stripped, towels collected, and everything was put through the highest temperature cycle in the washer.

In her mom’s room, she threw the comforter off the end of the bed and flipped over a pillow. Something fluttered to the floor. What was…? Folded paper. She tossed the pillow onto the bed and bent down to pick it up.

The words on the crinkled paper took her breath. “It’s a love letter.”

Sinking onto the floor, she read on. With each new word, her intrigue grew. It didn’t have a name at the beginning and was signed with only an H.

Tess read the words before the final letter, “Forever yours.”

Running her thumb over the sentiment, the blurred watermark beneath could only be the circle of a fallen teardrop. Who was H? Who was he writing to? It stood to reason that her mother was the recipient, except her name didn’t appear.

“Even after all these years. You’re the only one, C.”

C? Anne didn’t begin with a C. Who was the letter for?

Other odd references perplexed her.

“I wanted you to have a fresh start, to have a chance at a real normal life. Crazy, right? I stole any chance you had for that after ML’s.”

“I fantasize about Miami, about how it was when our eyes met, when you took my hand.”

While the letter wasn’t quite written in code, it wasn’t explicit either… Well, no, it was explicit in a different way, intimately explicit.

“Just your touch got me hard, I don’t know how you did that, how you still do. You’ve mesmerized me. I am yours, Angel.”

The paper wasn’t new. Without an envelope, it was impossible to tell which of their many addresses it had been sent to. Damn. A postmark would’ve narrowed down the date of receipt too.

“Even after all these years…” the sender had written.

How many years? And why pick up contact again?

Pouncing onto her knees, Tess set the letter on the nightstand and opened the top drawer. Without knowing exactly what she was looking for, her hands ran through makeup and medications. Nothing unusual jumped out, so she checked the other drawers.

An envelope, or semi-finished response, would give her a better chance at figuring out the mysterious H. It didn’t make sense. Anne wasn’t a letter writer. They weren’t allowed to have computers or phones, other than the occasional burner for work purposes. Limiting their use of technology was one of her mother’s strictest rules.

On occasion, they would go to an internet café, but it wasn’t like she had anyone to email. Even if people gave contact information, Tess wasn’t allowed to use it. In fact, Anne would burn anything that might identify anyone they’d interacted with.

The letter was so against the “rules” that it ignited a need to know more. After rifling through the closet and clothes, Tess came up empty. They traveled light. They weren’t supposed to have sentimental attachments to objects. In previous cities, her mother had packed and readied them to flee before Tess got home from work. Sometimes it happened that fast.

Concentrate. Concentrate.

The urn was by the letter on the nightstand.

Her mom was gone.

Despite going through the procedures of identifying her mom’s body and arranging the cremation, it was still difficult to grasp that Anne wasn’t around anymore.

“Who is H, Momma? What were you hiding?”

Anne could be tight-lipped to the point of infuriating. It wasn’t a revelation that there were secrets between them. Protecting Tess when she was a child, sure, understandable, but Anne could’ve been more open in her later years.

Her later years. It was insane. Dead at fifty-one. They weren’t supposed to be the later years of Anne’s life. The woman was supposed to be in her prime. Happy. Free.

They would never be free. No, not “they.” She would never be free.

Determination crackled and gathered mass, heating her insides. Tess didn’t understand. Wouldn’t understand until she knew the truth. Why had they been running her whole life?

Angry resolve wrapped around her heart, fracturing and exploding, forcing her onto her feet. Fear and doubt faded. Losing her mom was a high price to pay, but it meant there was nothing left to lose. A woman without ties was without vulnerability.

If the letter was intended for her mother, it was a consolation to learn Anne had experienced love. Not that romance was a life goal. Control was the ultimate purpose. She wouldn’t spiral, wouldn’t keep running until the day a random event stole her life. The futility was as glaring as a neon billboard on a dark street. Anne chose to run. Tess wouldn’t.

Ah! An epiphany. There was one thing her mom took everywhere. On the occasions they’d fled with only what they could grab, Anne always snatched the small hard-shell cosmetics case that fit in her hand. The backpack under the bed. It was kept in the backpack.

Dropping to her knees, she dragged out the bag. In the past, she’d never been allowed to touch the cosmetics case, which explained why guilt swamped her when she fished it out. Like a child sneaking a hand into the cookie jar, she glanced around as she pressed the button to release the clasp.

When it popped, the edges fell open, sending a flutter of paper to the floor. Something solid hit the hardwood, but all she could see was faded white. Regaining her senses, she picked up the closest sheet. The writing inside matched that of the first letter. All of them bore identical handwriting.

Prying into the personal papers at any other time would be wrong. Tess didn’t see that she had any other choice. Putting the case on the floor, she gathered up the scattered pages and began to read. One after the other, after the other. Letter upon letter. None were dated, and none contained any names.

“As long as I’m a slave to the Darkness, nothing will be right and the Light will never be free.”

“I’ve seen what the Darkness has done to PK.”

“Remember the glitter? When you’re ready, you know our code.”

The pages weren’t in order. Even if they were organized, she doubted they’d be easier to follow. Still, the words drew her in.

“…rambling about our past and the mistakes I made. You’re the only one who suffers. I got all the positives and none of the burden. You shoulder it all and I’m not there to carry it with you.”

Questions mounted up about H and his affair with C.

“Your gorgeous smile, your satin smooth skin, the sweet taste of your kiss. You torment me, even from a thousand miles away. One day I will have your kiss again, that’s all that keeps me going.”

“Everything I am is because of you, every cell in my body aches for yours. I would’ve left this earth long ago if I hadn’t…”

“Saying goodbye to you is more than I ever thought I’d live to endure. You were right, they won.”

Love shone from H’s words.

“…I dream of you, of us being together like we were before.”

“I have no right to ask you to wait. I can’t tell you when or how I’ll be with you again. I have taken too much from you already. You deserve happiness. You deserve the world and I wish I could give it to you. I wish I could’ve been a man worthy of you.”

The couple’s intimacy haunted him.

“That’s what I see when I close my eyes at night, when I think of you, of being with you, all I can feel is love.”

“Memories of your body, of being inside you, it is my curse and my salvation.”

“You don’t deserve this and I can make it right. I can free the Light. Give me purpose, Angel. I can get us back together again. It’s time. I miss you too much to wait any longer. I’ve already missed my chance to be with you. One day I’ll turn around and you’ll be gone for good.”

Emotion wasn’t the only thing revealed. Hints of knowledge teased her.

“You are my meaning and my reason. Tearing me away from you ignited a fire they’ll never be able to control.”

“Angel, I pledge my love to you, but can only promise you vengeance.”

“If they suspect anything, I’m worried they will take preemptive steps. You need to get out. Leave where you are as soon as you get this message.”

“You can’t snatch a man’s hope from him and expect to get away easy.”

The vague statements frustrated her desire for answers.

“You hid yourself well, but you can’t stay put, it’s still too dangerous.”

“They have no f*****g idea what you saved them from.”

“…life wouldn’t hurt you that I ever would’ve let you go? That sacrifice wasn’t for nothing. I won’t let you erase two decades of sacrifice.”

Wearing a persistent frown was giving her a headache. Rubbing her forehead, Tess went back and forth on whether the letters belonged to her mom. A big piece of the puzzle was missing. Figuring it out would take more than reading a few letters. Her focus snagged on the urn.

“Who is he?”

If she’d found the letters while her mother was alive, maybe a reply would’ve been forthcoming. Reading H’s absorbing words again, Tess tried to get a deeper sense of him.

“My word is steel that was no lie.”

“You told me I didn’t have to choose, that you would never ask me to.”

He carried a burden of his own.

“My nightmares are filled with images of your devastation, of witnessing your heart breaking. Watching you walk away broke mine.”

“I don’t doubt that we’ll go down one day, maybe soon, who knows? When we do, we’ll go together. I have to be there, C. I have to.”

Anne had always been aware of something behind them, something chasing them, watching them, tracking them. The letters confirmed the danger was real. Whatever the threat, it was no fantasy. Maybe it was this H. Maybe he was their pursuer; the shadow stalking them.

“Run far away, as far as you can get, as fast as you can. Lose yourself so I will never be able to find you.”

“Don’t tell me to admit any truth! I love you and if I have to smother the Darkness with my own bare hands to keep you safe that’s what I’ll do. This isn’t over, C. No f*****g way. If you think that I’m going to give up and forget…”

Tess wouldn’t forget either. The journey ahead would have to be thought out one step at a time. Her mom didn’t carry a purse, but the cops had given Tess what they found in their Corvette. At least what was found by people who weren’t really looking.

Gathering up the letters, she put them back in the cosmetics clutch and shoved it to the back of a nightstand drawer. After a quick stop in her room to grab the necessary ID, Tess was down the stairs and out the door on a mission.

Her purpose was to identify the threat. It may be one Anne never wished her to have, but she would live with disappointing her mother’s memory if it meant uncovering the truth.