ME AGAIN: Starting Over

CHRIS

CHRIS

The concert

Nashville Bridgestone Arena

23 August 2014

The sound is clean tonight, not like the crap from yesterday.

The guys have done divine work tuning up and my Daxy, a sunburst Fender Telecaster, is perfect. I’ve already broken a plectrum to pieces by playing and dancing, without realizing it, but it’s the least I can do to warm up the city’s spirits.

We’re in Nashville, the cradle of country music. Here is where Country was born. Here, since the Forties, nothing else has been playing and, like in all Tennessee, you feel like part of a family.

But it’s also somewhere where you can’t afford to skip a concert. This is what makes the difference between this place and others around America.

“Alright … all together now!” I invite the audience to sing to the tune of Upside Down.

Because we are feeling kind of loaded

Not sure just where this trip is going

But probably somewhere on the water torch in the sand

We just might never ever come back from this high upside down

Davon hasn’t been seen almost all day and, when he reappeared tonight with that derisory smile of his, I almost wanted to punch his lights out over news of the new contract with B&G and the new tour to be organized for next season.

Go f**k yourself. He didn’t even consult me for a second, locking me out of an important decision like this.

I chase away the bitterness by jumping onto the stage like a maniac. Nothing can stop me tonight, nothing can ruin the emotions Nashville knows how to make me feel every time.

I cross guitars with Louis, I nod to Davon when he’s looking backstage, even though I want to break the guitar over his head, and I smile at Sam in front of the stage as he can’t stop clapping his hands and encouraging the audience to follow my lead.

You know those characters are fairs who jump onto the stall counters to get people dancing? Here he is tonight, more or less doing the same in front of thousands of people, more like a clown than a co-author and, in my thirty-four years, I’ve never seen anything so stupid that I smile and wink at the first row in front of the stage, which immediately gets them excited.

I’m in love with this way of life and this music will always be part of it. We are doubly linked on the path towards eternity. And I’ve given it my all, always believing in it even in my worst moments.

And nobody’s lonely tonight

What’s love but just some illusion we believe

What’s love but just some confusion we don’t need

The chords are flowing thick and fast and I’m front of the line dance guys giving it one hundred percent, getting everyone involved and the audience goes wild.

I see the front rows and there’s someone who’s learned the choreographed moves from videos online and those trying their hand at it for the first time as everyone else is laughing. This is so fun.

The girls in the audience scream their love for me and, as always, even throwing their hands onto Sam who’s fooling around and appreciates the attention, as usual.

Who knows who’ll be coming over for a few hours’ pleasure with us tonight?

Their outstretched arms look like an octopus’ tentacles. Hands stirring thin air as they’re looking to cling onto me or even just to touch me for a second.

David, my drummer, smiles back at me, as if he’d read my mind.

“Let’s get this goin’!” I yell at him, still jumping like a madman. I lean over the stage with a smirk that the tune of Sold unleashes on my lips every time and I see the front row girls get delirious.

Hey pretty lady, won’t you give me a sign?

I’d give anything to make you o’ mine

I’ll do your biddin’ and be at your beck and call

Yeah, I’ve never seen anyone lookin’ so fine

Man, I gotta have her, she’s a one of a kind

I tread the boards with my voice a few moments before my body does.

The hands go up in the air, the hands clap to the rhythm like they’re abandoned to the ocean wave.

Little bitty sounds like it’s working a treat and the stomps on the stage rumble, raising the dust to create a fantastic fog effect with the lights.

I feel like following them, which I do for a little while, but then I know I’ll need my breath back to get me to the end of the show and I have to refrain from dancing through all of the numbers.

The warm, intermittent stage lights bounce between us and them, creating just the right atmosphere for every tune and everything becomes exhilarating.

The atmosphere is warm and surreal here in the arena, normally the venue for the Nashville Predators ice hockey team.

Well, it’s alright to be little bitty

A little hometown or a big old city

Might as well share, might as well smile

Life goes on for a little bitty while

Heey …

And it’s just a moment.

One moment among those you’d never like to experience.

A sharp sound cracks my eardrums.

That damn feedback again?

I curse as the whistle pierces through my skull and takes the words out of my mouth.

The music stops and everything suddenly goes dark and quiet.

The shadow falls.

I’m cold.

“Chris! Chris, can you hear me?”

Maybe I drank too much because my body isn’t responding to commands; it’s hot and tired.

“Chris, Goddammit, open your eyes!”

I hear another voice, but it’s so far away, I can’t follow where it’s coming from.

It’s all dark.

“His blood pressure is too low!” says someone who doesn’t seem to be mad at me.

“There are others over here,” someone else yelled.

What the hell is going on?

I’m forcing myself to regain consciousness, I have to stop going to town on things after concerts if this is the outcome. I must’ve passed out somewhere or, worse, on some street or other and I feel like a puppet with the wrong stuffing in him. Weak all over.

“Finally!” Davon cries out, shaking me rough.

“What the f... Dav, take this light outta my eyes,” I stammer in a daze and blinded as I moved a cellphone’s flashlight away from my sights.

“Let’s get outta here, c’mon!”

I try and fail to get to my feet because I fall back onto something cold and metallic. It’s all dark and I don’t hear anything else but confused and muffled noises around me. It seems like I’m underwater and my ears are blocked.

“I'll lend you a hand. Lean on me!”

“Where the f**k are we?” I asked, holding onto something very similar to a pole.

A headlight suddenly came on and even though I feel all dazed and confused like a drunk, I know it’s Nashville Arena. I'm still on stage.

No, f**k … I’m in front of it.

A strangulated shout risks suffocating me when I understand who it is in front of me.

“SAM!”

“LET”S GO!” Davon insists. Helped by a security officer, he tried to carry me out of there. But I’m resisting.

“SAM!” I again shout, drawing near to him. He’s on the ground, pale and in a pool of blood.

“Oh my God! Dave, what happened?” Sam! Sam... Dave, help him!” I stammer when I see Sam isn’t answering.

“Chris, cool it! Someone’s here already to help him, let’s get outta here”.

“NO! Sam, talk to me! SAM!” I desperately insist, kneeling onto the same blood to hold his head in my hands while he gasped.

“Chris...,” he whispers with his drifting eyes, lost in space. “Chris...,” he repeats, before saying not a word more.