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Convinced

"I told you! He's really gonna ask me now.", I said, with all the quiet force that I could give, convincing my friend. "For real.", I added, emphasizing every word. I stood on my hill and to my toes, rocking back and forth, and once again wandered my eyes around the park, looking for him.

"You've been saying that everytime he asks you to meet up with him and it has been awhile but there's still nothing.", Gia, my friend, said on the other line, trying to convince me the same way I was to her. We've been arguing about that topic for so many times already, and we just couldn't seem to take on one side. My clutch on my phone tightened.

She was right for some reason, but I just couldn't seem to accept the fact that she was and that I just can't loose my hope easily, because it had already been three years since me and my boyfriend met and I didn't know what I would even do if ever I loose my chance like this.

"And you told me that you saw him with another woman the other day.", My gaze fell to the ground, and I bit my lower lip as I recall the memory. 

What she just said was also right but...

I took a deep breath before forcing myself to smile just to make my voice a little less in disdain, to make it seem as if I was alright, that I wasn't wavering, that I was trying to doubt him myself. "He told me it was just a friend."

"I know in your relationship with him, I'm in no place to say this but as your friend, even I am not convinced with his reason.", I heard her sigh, of which made me just then again bit my lower lip.

True, wether I didn't like it or not, his reason wasn't convincible at all. The other day I saw him laughing with a lady, inside the same restaurant where he took me to dates, and the way he looked at her made me even believe that they were in a romantic relationship. I wanted to get mad but I can't, because when I do, I'm aware for sure that it will just ruin the relationship that we have and that, I don't want to happen. 

I asked him if who it was and he shortly replied, saying that it was just a friend that he hadn't met for a long time. I was disappointed too because he could've just told me but after his response, I didn't ask any more questions and forgave him just like that.

"Trust. In every relationship, all they need is trust, right?", I told my friend, yet somehow, for some reason, it felt as if I was convincing myself that too, that above everything, all that I need is to trust him. 

"I'm not going to go against you but I'm only saying this because I care for you.", For the first time that afternoon, a smile finally crept on my lips, a genuine one needless to say. 

"Yes.", I laughed a little. "You're getting really cheesy these days. But anyway, I'll hung up now, he's probably near here by now."

"I'm serious though. I hope you won't regret your decisions."

"I won't and I'm happy that this is my decision. Tell you what, when I get back, I'll show you the ring.", I smiled widely, looking at my hand and to my ring finger, already imagining that my boyfriend will be putting a ring there.

"If- Oh nevermind. Alright alright, I'll see you later."

"See ya. Bye!"

"Goodbye.", I brought down my phone from my ear and briefly smiled before pursing my lips.

If ever today's the time, the time that he will ask me for a marriage... Will I be happy? Despite the things that happened? 

Meeting him was one of the most memorable and best thing that has happened to my entire life. He's one of the many people that makes me happy that I couldn't take the risk of loosing him even if it meant that acting like the things he did was just nothing, even if it meant that I was making myself look pathetic.

Many of my friends, colleagues, and past schoolmates had already gotten married and I couldn't deny the fact that I'm sometimes envious. I want to get married too, and I want it to be with him.

I just hope that everything would eventually be okay.

I clenched my fist and cheered myself up. 

Everything's going to be just alright.

I travelled my eyes around again and a beam quickly plastered on my lips as I saw him not that far from where I was.

I waved my hand in the air and was about to ran to him.

"Ry-", but before I could even take a single step, before I could even finish saying his name, before I could ran to him and surprise him with a back hug, someone already did it for me.

My hand dropped on my side as I already felt my world crashing by just the scene I was seeing. 

He flinched but when he looked back and faced the woman, his face immediately lit up. The ecstatic face that I have already forgotten, the face that he used to give me everytime he sees me, the face that I loved. 

Not that it was to my surprise, but I was, totally, and was disappointed; it was the same woman from the restaurant, the woman he told me that was his friend. 

At that very moment, I made myself believe that she was just really his friend and that it was normal to back hug a friend like that, to look at your friend like that, to look at them as if they meant the world to you.

But my belief didn't last long, it broke when he placed a short kiss on her forehead. 

It's not normal for friends to kiss, right?

When I observed that woman, I suddenly became self-conscious and even got insecure of myself. Her body was slender, she had a beautiful complexion and she had the confidence to wear really showy clothes and high heels; while I'm not even half her.

What a perfect day to even be insecure.

I looked down at myself. I'm wearing a baggy shirt, slacks and running shoes.

Now, I kinda had the idea why he likes her. It actually makes sense.

A tear escaped from my eyes but I immediately wiped it off.

"No..", I bit my lower lip, preventing all the tears from falling down. "Don't cry.." My lips felt like ripping but it doesn't matter, all that matter was I wouldn't get cry, that's it.

Without looking at them again for the last time, I turned around and walked away.

He doesn't like you anymore, Liv. Falling out of love wouldn't be that hard, right?

He already did, how hard could it be?