Lull of the Sea

Chapter Six: Part Two: Ceria

I arrived back home even more confused than I was before. What was I to this man? A toy? A plaything he could toss his desires towards, then strip them away? If so, would I be okay with that? If it meant that I could finally feel something other than sorrow, then yes, yes, I would. I wrapped my arms around my torso as I took a deep breath, trying to soothe my thoughts.

I picked up the phone and dialed a number I hadn’t dared to call in a long time. My hand shook as the phone rang.

“Hello, Ceria.”

“Hello, Father.”

“So, how’s your book writing gig going?”

This was always his first question whenever I decided to make contact. God, I hated how he called it a gig, like I wasn’t making money from my books; it was enough to keep me going. Well, along with being the keeper of the lighthouse. However, our relationship had become strained after my mother’s death. I knew deep down that I wanted to try to mend those broken strings. If not for myself, then in the loving memory of my mother.

“It’s going well. I just finished another book and sent it off to my agent. She seemed very enthusiastic about the manuscript.”

“Huh, I guess that’s something at least. Are you still taking care of that old lighthouse?”

“Yes, I am. It gives me the freedom to write, which is my passion. Also, the views are stunning from the lighthouse. Would you and Emily like to come up to Maine? I haven’t seen you guys in what seems like a lifetime.”

It had been six years since I saw them last. That was when they came up for Lucas’ funeral, and like the mist that hangs over the port on dreary days, they left me unaffected, or so I had thought. Was Felix making me think about my family? The way he talked about how he was also an outsider or a disgrace? How I grew tired of being that cliché, like in one of my novels. I had probably self-inserted way too much of myself into them.

“I don’t know, Ceria, we’re awfully busy with work. Em just got a promotion at the bank in New York City, and I have a restaurant I really have to take care of.”

I sighed heavily; I could feel it from deep down in my chest. My eyes widened at the realization of how much I had wanted them to come up to visit on a happier note this time.

“Look, Ceria, we’d love to come, but we don’t have the leisure like you do to just up and leave whenever we want. Our jobs just don’t allow for it.”

“I know, I just thought… I’ll let you go. I love you, bye.” I hung up the phone and put it back on the charging dock. I didn’t want to hear any more about it. I didn’t want to go back to New York City. It housed too many bad memories—that’s why I left in the first place and moved to Maine, hopeful for a more peaceful and happy life.