Yours Remotely

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 15

Joe finally contacted me a month later to say he wanted to meet up. I wasn’t surprised it took him that long; I had given him my number before and he had lost it. Even that time, it had taken him a while to get in touch, and that was only to inform me that The Remotes was in town, and he hadn’t done himself any favours with that message.

Joe said that his finances were in poor shape and he couldn’t afford to take me out. I suggested that I had recently had a pay rise and could pay, but he rejected my offer. Instead, he suggested that we could watch some films at mine; he didn’t want to introduce me to his parents first thing.

When I mentioned this to Suse, she was happy for me. She referred to the champagne glasses she found in the apartment before Christmas and presumed that it had been Joe. I didn’t correct her although I felt myself blushing all the way to my toes. She didn’t expect a response and promised to hide in her room as Jonah was on a work trip in Germany. On the Friday evening, she retired to her room with a large amount of food and her laptop. I told her she didn’t need to hide, but Suse said she didn’t want to ruin my romantic night.

When Joe rang the doorbell, I hurried downstairs to meet him. It was freezing outside, and he had somehow managed to hide his hair under a beanie. He greeted me cheerfully, and we headed to the nearest DVD rental store.

I quickly figured out that we weren’t into the same films at all. Joe’s taste in films was even younger than he was. We finally picked a film each as well as a large bottle of Coke, a huge bar of chocolate and a chunky bag of crisps. Joe stuffed everything into his backpack – another thing that reminded me of our age gap.

On the way back, Joe talked non-stop. He proudly showed me his new iPod, which no doubt was the cause of his financial trouble. I noticed that he walked so close to me that his hand touched mine a couple of times, but he didn’t try to take it even though he must have wanted to. I didn’t. This would never proceed past a friendship.

Back at the apartment, I organised our snacks while Joe got out of his numerous layers of clothing and went to study our CD rack. He stood bent over it for a long time and then straightened up to give me a puzzled look. I was sweating, trying to wrestle the bottle open. My palms were starting to hurt, but I wasn’t going to ask for help.

“Where are all your The Remotes CDs?” he asked.

I thought his tone was accusing, but maybe it was just my own guilt. The top popped open with a hiss, and Coca-Cola started leaking onto the kitchen counter. I hurried to move it to the sink. I was thankful for the delay so that I had time to come up with an excuse.

“I gave my sister the loan of them,” I said, wiping the table.

“I’d never give mine to anyone. I don’t want them damaged.” Joe sat down on the couch and looked around. “Where’s your flatmate?”

“Suse is hiding in her room.” I walked over with the glasses in hand and the bowl of crisps under my arm. Joe hurried to grab the bowl before I dropped it.

“She didn’t need to do that,” he said sympathetically.

“That’s what I tried to say, but she wouldn’t listen. She just wanted to leave us alone.”

Joe looked hopeful for a moment but sobered up quickly. “Cool. Which one will we watch first?”

I had to be a little bit nice, so I agreed to watch the action film, which ended up being hopelessly boring. Even Joe couldn’t concentrate on it – although that might have had nothing to do with the film. Finally, his concentration slipped altogether, and he turned to look at me. I looked back. Joe seemed to misunderstand and leaned in towards me. I moved myself back a bit. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I was not going to let anything happen.

“Now what?” he asked, looking disappointed.

“Nothing.”

“Do you really not like me? Not even a little?” Joe looked worried and very young.

It was a difficult question. He was nice and very cute in his own way, and I was flattered that he fancied me even though I was several years older and had given no signals at all. It was just too complicated, and I didn’t find myself attracted to him, but how would I explain it without hurting him?

“Like I said, it’s complicated.” I straightened up on the couch and tried discreetly to move further away from him.

“Has someone hurt you? Is that it?”

I decided to take the offered chance. “Something like that. Long story.” I waved my hand dismissively.

“Who would do something like that?” He sounded almost vindictive.

“Never mind. It happens.”

Joe still looked unhappy but said nothing. I reached for another piece of chocolate and stuffed it in my mouth. On the TV screen, some actor I had never heard of was driving a car, holding a pistol out the window, ready to shoot, while keeping an eye on his wounded future girlfriend. How clichéd.

“That doesn’t mean you couldn’t be interested in someone else though, does it?”

Dammit. Someone was about to get hurt here. I was already hurting, and that wasn’t going to end anytime soon. The Remotes was on a promotional tour in Europe. According to a recent interview, after that, a third single was due out, then it was summer and festival season and in the autumn, a UK tour. Gary would keep me waiting. Gary would always keep me waiting. I would spend the rest of my life waiting if I intended to wait for Gary.

“Or does it?”

I realised that Joe was expecting an answer. I moved my eyes from the chocolate back to his face. Then I surprised both of us by kissing him.

At least someone got what they wanted.

* * *

The last day of January was Ben’s birthday. He had skipped the celebrations the year before, having decided that celebrating a 31st on the 31st January was much cooler, especially when it fell on a Saturday night.

Everybody was out that night. Connor, Sinead, Suse, Linda, Helen and a heap of Ben’s workmates who knew nobody apart from Ben. Even Mark and Gwen made an appearance but left early to go back home to Miranda. After that, more people had shown up, and most of them were no longer Ben’s friends but a mixed bag of acquaintances of those who had been invited. Joe and Tim were part of that gang.

At some point during the evening, I was sitting next to Helen. This was the first time I had met her properly. She seemed lovely. She was small, too small for a man of Ben’s height – why do tall men always fall for short women? Helen wasn’t just short but petite and slim. She had long, almost black and slightly curly hair. She was pretty in an ordinary way but not aware of it. She seemed shy and quiet but comfortable in my company.

I soon noticed that her admiring looks followed Ben wherever he went while moving among his friends. I found it all the harder to believe that they had known each other for several years and still weren’t a couple. Someone was going to have to do something about it.

“Helen,” I started confidently, hoping that I would not make things worse. I glanced at Ben, who was laughing at one of Connor’s jokes so hard that beer spilled over the edge of the pint glass. Helen looked at me expectantly. I would be better off just saying it outright.

“Ben’s fancied you for a long time.”

Helen stared at me. “Really?” she finally said. Her comment was so silly that it could easily have come from my mouth in a similar situation.

“Ever since you worked together. He’s just never had the guts to tell you.”

I stood up. It was getting late, and I felt like escaping in case Ben found out what I had done. I straightened my dress, which tended to spread out too much when I stood up. I searched for my handbag which Helen handed to me. She grabbed my wrist for a moment.

“Thanks, Lea.”

I wasn’t sure what she was thanking me for, but I took my jacket and stepped further into the crowd to find Joe. I bumped into Tim, who looked a little lost but gave me an intoxicated greeting. I replied while letting my eyes wander around the room.

“Have you seen Joe?” I asked.

Tim shook his head but seemed delighted that I had mentioned his friend. “Joe really likes you, you know. He’s smitten.” Tim raised his bottle as if in approval. “You’ve been like a long-term project for him.”

I considered saying that he had probably had several short-term projects on the go at the same time but decided it was too rude. “And yet, he lost my number and even the second time around almost didn’t get in touch with me at all.”

Tim looked surprised. “Joe didn’t lose your number. He must have had it written down on at least three pieces of paper, just to be sure. It took him that long to ask for it.”

“But at the Victoria that time-” I started, but I couldn’t finish my sentence.

“Even then, after all those drinks, he couldn’t ask for it,” Tim sniggered, “he was just really happy that you happened to be there.”

Tim didn’t notice my puzzled expression. If Joe hadn’t asked me to the Victoria Hotel two years earlier, who had?

“He talks about you constantly. He’s a good dude.”

I realised that Tim had resorted to a drunken appreciation speech for his friend. I had realised that Joe was into me. There was no stopping Tim though, and he kept talking. I listened with half an ear while I tried to spot his friend in the crowd. It shouldn’t have been difficult; Joe’s hair was usually easy to spot.

Instead of Joe, I noticed Ben and Helen. Helen was standing in front of Ben and looking up into his face. She barely reached his shoulders. Then she got up on her tippy-toes and wrapped her arms around my brother’s neck. Ben bent down, and then their lips met. They still hadn’t let go when I felt someone touch my lower back. I swung around and saw Joe.

“I was looking for you. I’m going home.”

“Home? Not without me.” His eyes travelled from my bare shoulders past the wide, red belt to the hem of my black dress and all the way down to my red shoes. He hadn’t seen me on my feet that night. The truth was that my new shoes hurt like hell.

“With or without you,” I said and moved towards the door.

Joe exchanged a couple of words with Tim before hurrying after me.

“What about your brother?” Joe asked when we had nearly reached the door.

“He’s busy,” I said and nodded towards Ben and Helen.

Joe turned to look and almost tripped on the stairs on the way out as he was eyeing the passionately kissing pair.

“Oh,” he said.

When we reached the street, Joe got into his jacket and we headed towards the taxi rank. It was spitting rain, and Joe pulled his hood up to keep his hair dry. He took my hand when we started crossing the main street.

Holding hands is one of the no-brainers in a relationship. I liked that Joe held my hand – now that we had got to that stage. I realised that I could never do that with Gary – even if he had real feelings towards me. Gary wouldn’t want to be seen holding hands with anybody, least of all with a civilian like me. He didn’t even want anyone to know that I was his dirty pleasure when it suited him. It was enraging and frustrating, but most of all, it was ripping me apart.

“You OK?” Joe asked.

“Why?”

“You’re really quiet. You look all depressed.”

I snorted. “I’m not depressed. I’m just thinking. I put some wheels in motion tonight.”

“You always put wheels in motion,” Joe responded, putting his hands on my waist. We arrived at the taxi rank where two groups were already waiting for a ride. “My wheels anyway.”

I burst into a girly fit of giggles. Joe was funny.

We didn’t have to wait long for our cab. I opened the rear door and started getting in when Joe grabbed my arm and turned me towards him. He put his hands on my face and kissed me tenderly.

“Are you not coming?”

He shook his head. “I have work in the morning. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

I nodded in agreement, but I was disappointed. I had wanted to spend the rest of the night with him.

When the cab moved off, I waved at Joe who was still standing on the footpath. There were butterflies in my stomach. I liked him.