Yours Remotely

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 16

Life settled down. Thanks to my pay rise, I could afford to do things without worrying about every single penny. My weekends off would have allowed big plans, but I was happy to stay at home. I started seeing Joe more regularly, often at my expense. Ben was doing just as well. The Monday after his birthday, he had shown up in the shop and run behind the counter to hug me. He had been going out with Helen ever since, and they saw each other very frequently.

Valentine’s Day came and went, and for once, I was in a relationship. Joe was no romantic, but he showed up at my door with a huge box of chocolates and big expectations. I didn’t let him down. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake as I had made with Josh. The difference was that I had never been interested in Josh in the first place; Joe was more my type.

The Friday after Valentine’s, Suse had gone over to her parents for the weekend, so Joe and I had the whole place to ourselves. When he arrived after finishing work at nine, Joe was starving, so we ordered pizza and sat down to watch a film while we waited for the food to arrive.

When the doorbell rang, I paused the film and hurried over to the buzzer. It wasn’t a pizza boy downstairs.

“Hi Lea, will you open the door?”

Bloody hell.

“It’s kind of bad timing right now…” I waited for a response, but there was none. Maybe he had got the hint. His timing couldn’t have been worse.

I took a few deep breaths and headed back towards the sitting room. Then there was a knock on the door. Joe turned towards me on the couch.

“You should probably open the door,” he said.

I could see disaster looming and tried to think of a way out or an excuse. Of course, there was no way to explain how Gary Rock All turned up at my apartment; it wasn’t by accident. Joe couldn’t see Gary. Gary didn’t know about Joe, and that would be awkward enough, but how would I explain to Joe that his hero had unexpectedly knocked on my door? A late Valentine’s present?

“Lea?”

“Yeah, sure. I was just wondering if I have enough cash,” I lied, putting my hand in my pocket. I didn’t keep money in my pockets, but it made no difference here. “I have,” I said, forcing a smile and swinging towards the door when there was another knock.

With shaking hands, I opened the door. Although it wasn’t cold outside, Gary was wearing a beanie. Possibly he had realised how eye-catching his new haircut was.

“You took your time,” he said when he stepped in.

“How did you get in?”

Gary removed his beanie. “I sneaked in when someone came out.” He stepped closer, so close that his nose almost touched mine. He didn’t touch me; he just left his hands down by his sides and looked into my eyes. Despite that, there was such strong chemistry and desire in the air that I struggled to breathe.

“Is there a bed here for the night?” Gary asked quietly.

“What’s going on?” Joe’s voice sounded from the other end of the dark hall. Then the hall was filled with light when he flicked the switch. His cheerful expression changed in an instant when he didn’t see a pizza boy but Gary. His face went ashen and then, seconds later, red with rage.

“What the f-” he started.

I didn’t hear the rest because I was trying to appease Joe by calling his name while Gary went, “Who’s this?”

I stepped away from Gary. I felt even guiltier than I was. In Joe’s eyes, this had to be the worst possible crime. I knew that explanations wouldn’t help, and still, I tried.

“Joe, wait,” I shouted when he turned back towards the sitting room. I met him at the door when he returned with his jacket and backpack.

“Don’t even bother. You’re such a liar,” Joe snorted.

I tried to grab his sleeve, but he shook me off.

“Slut,” he said and glared at me. He slowed down a little when passing Gary and gave him such a scornful look that even Gary seemed to shudder at it. “And another one,” Joe muttered before making his way into the stairwell, banging the door shut behind him.

For a few seconds, it was quiet. Then Gary seemed to understand what had happened.

“Who’s Joe?” His tone was irritated.

I was angry and hurt. “What do you care?”

I should have known better than to pick a fight with Gary.

“I f*****g do care that he’s here when I come over!” He raised his voice.

My blood was boiling. “And you obviously expect there to be no other men in my life and that I sit around waiting for you to call over!”

“I expect none of your boyfriends to be here when I come over.”

“And you always let me know in good time when you are coming.”

Gary shook his head. “You know, Lea, forget the whole thing.” He made a grandiose gesture with his hands. “Forget the whole f*****g thing.” He swung around and grabbed the door handle. “Don’t bother waiting around for me to come over again.” He opened the door and disappeared the same way as Joe had only a couple of minutes earlier.

I curled up on the floor and burst into tears. I was still sitting there when the pizza boy turned up a few minutes later. I got to eat two pizzas on my own.

* * *

After I broke the world record of being dumped by two men in quick succession, nothing went smoothly. I felt twice as bad as I usually did after a break-up. I was disappointed that I wasn’t going to see Joe again, but I could only imagine how he felt. I pictured him burning all his The Remotes CDs and removing my number from his phone. He probably felt a bit like I did, that he had lost more than just his girlfriend. He also lost the band that had become a big part of his life.

I hated Gary and how he had destroyed another relationship for me. I almost imagined that he did it on purpose although it wasn’t possible. Gary hadn’t known about Joe, and there was no way he could have. Our short relationship had only lasted a few weeks.

I couldn’t bear the thought that I might never see Gary again. It was ridiculous because I couldn’t avoid seeing him. It was just that seeing him wasn’t enough.

What I feared most was that Joe might tell someone. In the worst case, he could – if he was really angry – tell the press. That would spell the end of my relationship with Gary, and it would also mean me losing my reputation. I wouldn’t just be a slut in Joe’s eyes but in everyone else’s too. Hadn’t Sinead warned me not to get involved with Gary? Why didn’t I listen to her?

I had no choice. I had to talk to Joe. He wouldn’t answer my calls or texts, so I had to resort to the last option; I would have to meet him face to face.

It had to be his workplace. I picked a quiet Thursday evening when the shop was open late and there weren’t many customers or staff members around. Stepping in the door, I peeped at the counter where two girls stood gossiping. I looked around and saw Joe at the new releases with a pile of CDs in hand. I hesitantly walked over to him and said hi. He looked up at me and muttered an incomprehensible greeting before averting his eyes back to the row of CDs.

“Joe, I wanted to apologise.” I spoke quietly. I didn’t want his gossiping workmates to hear.

“Don’t bother,” he replied, moving to another shelf with me in tow.

“I know how bad you must feel-”

“You have no idea how I feel. It was all a lie. You’re not even a fan, you don’t even have those albums.”

I couldn’t deny it. “It’s a long story. It’s not what you think.” What a cliché.

“It’s exactly what I think. As if he doesn’t have enough women, he has to have the one I want. And of course, you can’t resist.” He moved to the other side of the shelf.

His words enraged me, but it wasn’t the time or the place to start a fight. He had made his mind up.

I found myself staring at the CD case in Joe’s hand. It was The Remotes’ first album. Joe noticed it too and snorted. He waved the CD in my face like a fan.

“Do you know what I want to do to this? I want to throw it on this tiled floor and jump on it. And it wouldn’t make me feel any better.” He came back to my side of the shelf.

“Joe. I wanted to ask you something.”

“Ask away,” Joe said and shoved the CD in its place under the letter R.

“I wanted to ask you not to tell anyone.”

He didn’t look up from the CDs. He was quiet for a moment, and I thought he wasn’t going to respond. Then he sighed, still without looking at me.

“I won’t.” It was heartfelt. He sounded so grim that I had to believe him.

“I won’t,” he said again, “but not because of him. Because of you.” He stepped back towards the end of the shelf and separated a couple of CDs from the pile. “So now, please leave me alone, Lea.”

* * *

Suse was disappointed to hear that Joe had finished with me. She was particularly surprised to hear that it had been Joe’s choice and not mine. Suse couldn’t think of a reasonable explanation for it, having seen us together and knowing how taken Joe had been with me, and I couldn’t think of a good excuse. I could think of excuses, but Suse didn’t believe any of them.

One night, Suse mentioned that Sinead had not been overjoyed by the news either and couldn’t believe that nothing could be done. Sinead knew the whole sorry truth, and she wasn’t impressed, but she hadn’t let the truth slip to Suse.

“I have told you the truth,” I tried to convince Suse.

She sighed. “Lea, you’ve told me everything but the truth. You can’t lie, and Sinead isn’t much better. There’s something odd about this.”

I was sloshing the last drops of tea in my mug, buried in thought. Suse didn’t have the best track record in keeping secrets. On the other hand, she was one of my best friends and deserved the truth. Despite the juiciness of the secret, Suse would have to understand its severity.

“Well, you remember the champagne glasses that time?”

Suse nodded. “It was Joe, wasn’t it?”

She looked genuinely surprised when I shook my head.

“What do you mean it wasn’t Joe? Who was it then?”

I took a deep breath. “It wasn’t the first time he was here. It’s a long and sorry business. His name is Gary. Gary Rockall.”

Suse looked stupefied, as if I expected her to recognise a name that she had never heard before. Then disbelief took over her face.

“Do you mean Gary Rock All?” She almost doubled over with laughter when I nodded. “Go away.” When I stayed sombre, Suse stopped laughing. “You’re serious.”

I nodded again.

“How did you manage that?” She grabbed her tea and squeezed the cup between her hands while staring at me, waiting for a response.

I sighed. “I’ll tell you everything as long as you promise not to tell a soul.”

She nodded, looking excited. “Of course. It won’t be easy, but I promise.”

I met her eyes. She meant what she said even though I knew that she would find it hard to keep such a spicy rumour to herself.

I told her everything. Suse didn’t interrupt even though her expressions changed from disbelief to envy and surprise to excitement. When I was done, she stared at me for a moment with something like admiration on her face.

“Lea, this is the love story of the century.” Suse’s cheeks were red with excitement.

“No, it isn’t.”

“What do you mean, it isn’t? It’s unbelievably romantic, a little rebellious even – a rock star and an ordinary woman. Definitely the love story of the century.”

“Except it’s just a story.”

Suse’s eyes were full of wonder.

“It’s got nothing to do with love.”

“Of course it-”

“Think about it, Suse. We are talking about, as you said, a rock star and an ordinary woman. Rock stars don’t fall in love with ordinary women. It’s just a story.”

Suse opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it when I shook my head.

I knew I could only keep my feet on the ground if Suse managed it.

* * *

It was probably Gary’s way of apologising when he texted me a couple of weeks later asking to take me away for the weekend. He didn’t use the word ‘sorry’, and he didn’t ask me to go; he just announced that he would take me somewhere.

I promised to go and saved the number to my phone.