Yours Remotely

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 22

Around 12.30, when Linda and I were trying to decide who should have lunch first, Sinead stormed in. Based on how she was dressed, I figured that she was on a day off.

Before I got the chance to speak, she had walked over to the till where Linda was bagging coins.

“Hi, Sinead. Good night last night?” Linda asked.

“I’m sorry about last night. You must have been so bored.”

Although I could tell that Sinead didn’t understand what I was talking about any more than she understood the gestures I made behind Linda’s back, she still came to my rescue. “Ah, it happens. It wasn’t that bad.” She glanced around at the empty shop and asked, “Time for lunch?”

I glanced at Linda. “Do you mind if I go first?”

She shrugged. “Sharon must be back soon with her coffee. And there’s no one here.”

I grabbed my coat and followed Sinead into a nearby pub. I defiantly ordered a baked potato with bacon and cheese and a bottle of Coke, whereas Sinead ordered a green salad and a bottle of water. When the waitress had taken our orders, Sinead eyed me. I didn’t want to cough up the whole story, but I knew I’d have to. Her eyes had already travelled to my neck where my shirt collar tried to hide the love bite and failed miserably.

“So, tell me what’s going on,” Sinead asked, avoiding the waitress who had returned with our cutlery and drinks.

“It’s a long story.”

“I can see that,” Sinead remarked with raised eyebrows, “who did that to you?”

“Linda thinks it was Steven.”

“And who the heck is Steven?” Sinead couldn’t stand it when I tried to keep my love life a secret from her.

“Steven is Gary’s brother.”

Sinead’s eyes widened. “Gary’s brother! What have you done with Gary’s brother? You haven’t-”

“I said that Linda thinks,” I said, putting emphasis on the last word, “and so do many others.”

“How so?” Sinead sat back to allow the waitress to put a plate on the table. She grabbed her fork enthusiastically.

I sighed again and picked up my own tools. The potato looked delicious. I would have to go back to the start.

“Well, you know that Gary was in town yesterday.”

Sinead nodded. “Doesn’t everyone. It was hard to miss.” She stuffed a leaf of lettuce in her mouth. Sinead had never liked The Remotes. I probably didn’t help.

I told her everything about the dressing room, the gig and how Steven had driven me to the hotel and to work in the morning.

“And you couldn’t tell Linda the truth, so you said you had been with Steven,” Sinead concluded.

I nodded with my mouth full of potato.

“Does nobody else really know except me?” Sinead asked, sounding important.

“Suse. Suse knows.”

“Suse? She’s hardly very good at keeping secrets.”

“She isn’t,” I admitted although as far as I knew, she hadn’t told anyone, “but I didn’t really have a choice. She ran into Gary on the stairs once even though she didn’t realise who he was. She would have found out sooner or later.”

“I guess so. So, what about Steven? What’s he like?” Sinead took a sip of her water and gave the man walking by a beaming smile. She was such a flirt.

“Just like Gary, both on the outside and on the inside. Two years younger and a little taller, and he’s got darker hair. Just like Gary but a lot less hassle.”

I could tell by Sinead’s face that she’d had an epiphany.

“Why don’t you start seeing him then? That would solve all your problems.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Why not? You just said that he’s just like Gary but less hassle.” Sinead leaned over the table in excitement.

“But they’re brothers. Wouldn’t that make me pretty cheap?”

“Who cares? Nobody knows about you and Gary. It’s happened before.”

“There’s also the problem that Steven isn’t a bit interested,” I reminded her and stuffed the last bite of potato into my mouth.

“Nonsense! Of course he is. He’s 21. At that age, men will have anyone.” Sinead pierced a large piece of red onion and waved it in front my nose. “Anyway, he’s Gary’s brother, and they must have a similar taste in women. Gary wants you.”

Her words hurt me. Firstly, I didn’t want to be with someone who would have anyone, and secondly, she had just reminded me that Gary wanted me but didn’t want to be with me. Sinead had understood something that I hadn’t.

“At the end of the day, what’s so special about Gary? Steven’s like him but wouldn’t mind being seen in public with you. In fact, he already was. So, remind me again why you’re still holding onto Gary for dear life?”

I stared at my empty plate, feeling sorry for myself.

“They’re not exactly alike. Gary’s more relaxed and confident, Steven’s more introverted.”

“Quiet men can surprise you,” Sinead said and stuffed an olive into her mouth. “What was Gary thinking when he did that?” She pointed at my neck.

I blushed for the umpteenth time that day. I had a pretty good idea what he had been thinking.

“He’s just like that… Passionate. He can get a bit rough.”

Sinead frowned. “I’d call it possessive. He wants to own you even if he doesn’t want to belong to you.” Sinead put her cutlery down and scratched the plate with her knife as she did so.

She might as well have cut my heart with that knife, that’s how badly her words stung.

* * *

The Remotes took a break for the autumn which, according to the media, was to last at least until Christmas. I had lived in hope that Gary would set some time aside to spend with me, but it didn’t happen. I tried to tell myself that he wanted to spend time with his family, and he did. The papers knew that he had been all the way to Australia with his brother. How anybody knew that was beyond me. I thought that The Remotes wasn’t big Down Under, but apparently, I was wrong.

My own autumn was quiet. I spent most evenings on my own with Suse gone to Jonah’s. Sometimes I liked the solitude, at other times, I loathed it. Sometimes I found myself staring at Josh’s window and wondering if I should have tried harder and if he ever thought of me. Then, one night on my way home from work, I spotted him walking hand in hand with a beautiful blonde and figured that he didn’t miss me one bit.

Joe clearly didn’t either as I discovered when I ran into Tim one Saturday night. He greeted me enthusiastically, which surprised me as I had thought that Joe would at least have told his friend if nobody else. Clearly that wasn’t the case because after exchanging pleasantries, Joe cropped up in conversation.

“Joe was acting weird for a long time after you broke up. He still is a bit. No explanation what happened. He never even mentioned you afterwards.”

I felt uncomfortable. Tim must have thought of all kinds of random explanations; I had turned out to be a man, I was in love with my flatmate or I had six toes on my left foot.

“It just didn’t work out.”

Tim shrugged. “Yeah. I just thought that he wouldn’t give up that easily. The other thing was that he didn’t want to see The Remotes in September, and I even had tickets. He hardly listens to them anymore.” Tim looked at me quizzically. I had to think fast.

“It’s probably because he doesn’t want to risk running into me.” The very thought of Joe hanging outside the Victoria the morning I left with Steven made me shudder. What would he have thought of me then?

Tim puckered his lips, which made him even funnier-looking than usual.

“Well, you clearly don’t want to say any more than he does. I guess it’s none of my business anyway.” He shrugged. “It was good to see you, Lea. Take care.”

I had burned all my bridges, so I ploughed on and waited for something good to happen – or for anything at all to happen.

* * *

One of the nights when I was trying to avoid looking at Josh’s windows and to focus on the first Bridget Jones instead, my phone rang. For the first time in my life, I saw that the caller was Gary.

“Lea, what’s going on?”

I pulled my feet onto the sofa to make myself more comfortable or to prepare to bolt for the door.

“Not much. I’m sitting at home watching Bridget Jones. I know it’s pathetic.”

He laughed. “Same here. Except without Bridget.” He paused as if expecting me to say something. When I didn’t, he continued, “I just bought an apartment, and it’s so bloody quiet here on my own.”

“You bought an apartment?”

He laughed again. “I guess it was time I flew the nest. It’s a penthouse apartment.”

I could imagine Gary in a large apartment looking around into the emptiness while he talked.

“One of those modern, open-plan places. Kitchen, hall and sitting room all in one. Two bedrooms upstairs. Even a rooftop terrace.”

“Sounds good.” I was disappointed. If Gary was in his apartment, he was very far away. He was hardly going to send a helicopter to pick me up. “I guess you’ll have a hell of a housewarming then.”

He snorted. “I already had one, last weekend. No big deal. The rest of the band and a couple of mates.”

“No exclusive for Hello! Magazine?”

He laughed again. “Absolutely not. It’s hard enough trying to get in here without being seen.”

A silence fell between us. Then he changed the topic.

“We’re off until Christmas. I’ll come over before then. Some weekend, when you’re off.”

“Weekends can be tricky.”

“How so? You said you have weekends off now.”

It was my turn to laugh. “It doesn’t quite work like that before Christmas. We end up working long days and weeks.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I’ll let you know before I come over.”

“Sounds good.” I kicked myself, cursing my own stupidity. I was worse than Bridget herself. Could I not think of anything better to say?

“See you soon,” Gary said and hung up.

He never wasted time saying goodbye.

* * *

December came. I didn’t see or hear from Gary, except on the TV and radio where it was never easy to escape his band. Thanks to work being so busy, I was knackered every night and doubted that I could have welcomed Gary with my usual enthusiasm, even if he had decided to show up. I wished that he would, but I was too tired to think about it.

A few days before Christmas, I read about an unfortunate incident in the papers. Gary had tried to get into a nightclub and ended up in a disagreement with the bouncer. What had started as a verbal argument escalated into a proper fight, and in the end, the bouncer lost his temper and punched Gary who ended up with a black eye. Needless to say, the bouncer got fired and had to pay for Gary’s injuries, which were sure to be more of the mental than of the physical kind. Gary was vain enough not to take a black eye lightly.

The media dwelled on the case even though it couldn’t decide who or what had caused the fight. Some thought that Gary had had too much to drink and the bouncer had refused him entry, some thought that the bouncer was envious of Gary and had discriminated against him because of that, some thought that the bouncer had been jealous when a woman he knew had spoken to Gary, and some thought Gary had provoked him.

I heard nothing from him before or during Christmas.