Rejected or Regretted?

I will never have a mate

James pov

I also felt my heart hurt when I rejected her. I thought that I don't have a wolf so as we are not deeply connected we will not feel any pain but it did pain. I felt somehow empty and lost. It felt very uneasy. Seeing her cry was even more adding to that pain. She was begging me to give her a chance. But how can I? How can I when I can never give her the love at all. I never wanted to have a mate. I never wanted have a weakness like my brother.

My big brother who was supposed to be Alpha now. But he died. How? Because of his mate. He was my best friend, my brother, my helper and my partner. He was very strong. I always admired him. But one day he also found his mate,his weaknesses. And one day, we were attacked by Roger's. That day his mate died too. He couldn't stand that. He cried each and everyday. I was probably 10 years old. I tried to talk to him. But he never listened. He went to depression. And after 7 days he killed himself.

How could he kill himself. He never even once thought of me,mother or even father. We were also his family. But he left us all that day just because he lost his mate. He just lost his mate that day but we.....we lost our family that day...my mother lost his son that day...my father lost his son and a good friend he trained to be Alpha after him that day.....and I...I not just lost my brother that day...I lost my inspiration that day too. That day I was shocked to see my brother's dead body. My mother crying in front of him and father was totally broke.

That time I was just looking at them. Not even a single drop of tears fell down of my eyes. I looked at the person lying on ground. His hands were covered in blood flowing from his wrist. His face was white and pale like this blood was sucked out. His beautiful face was no longer beautiful now as his face was pale and sinky from not eating anything for 7 days. He was weak, looser and a pathetic person who abandoned his family and died cowardly. He wasn't my brother who I looked with admiration. He wasn't strong. He was weak.He wasn't that person who wanted to carry his Alpha duty and be a strong Alpha anymore. He abandoned his people and pack which he promised to protect before being an Alpha. He wasn't that person who told me to never give up. He just wasn't.

At that time,I promised myself that I will not die like him. He was weak but I will not be a like him. I will not be a weak like him. I will be strong. I will not have any weakness or let anyone be my weakness like him. I will not have any mate.

That was the day that I decided that I will never have a mate. And nothing can change it. Not some shitty mate bond or mate pull or my destiny. I will reject my destiny that moon goddess wrote herself. I reject my chosen mate by moon goddess who didn't saved my brother from dying.