Hold on...Please.

I wish.

"Sandy...Sandy..." someone called me. At first the voice was faint. Then it started to get loud and sharp. "Sandy! Dad's here!" Manny shook me up vigorously. I slowly opened my eyes. I was in my bed. The sun was coming in through the balcony glass door. The mango tree that guarded the sunlight earlier was cut. I escaped the room through that tree. I was told it was cut the very day I ran off. "Dad's here!" Manny repeated.

"I heard you Manny...Do not yell." I touched my head all over.  It pained like hell. "What happened last night?"

"You passed out and fell hard on the ground." She checked on her perfectly done turquoise nails which matched her maxi dress.

"That I know...I am asking about the raid." I clarified. I was worried about Manny. And also I wanted to know about the officer. I am a really shallow person when it comes to looks. I am easily impressed but that doesn't mean I am easy.

 "f*****g idiots. They had a warrant this time. Things got pretty heated up last night. This officer was strict. He didn't melt with the bribe I offered... The earlier ones would have licked the floor for that amount. I need to remove that man as quickly as possible."

"How was it solved then?"

"I have my connections...chill. Let's get down. Dad's waiting. He is old, hurt and also so mad at you! "

"What was his name again?"

"You did hit your head hard. You forgot dad's name? Pankaj Dwivedi's name?" Manny stared at me with a smile.

"No b***h! The officer's name. He was kinda hot... A good crisp snack!"

"Ansh Mehra. New recruitment in our area. This Narcotics Bureau has recently become very active. I have put my men in work. His bio-data, family tree, history, geography... everything will be on my table till evening! And don't think anything stupid. Get down. Meet us at Dad's study." Manny stormed out of the room.

Manny had always saved me from dad whenever she could. After mom died. It was a huge trauma to my twelve year old brain, it deleted some of my memories in response to the trauma. But I had Manny. She helped me get through it. We have had only each other for support. Manny did try to fill in the blanks but still many things were hazy and unclear. As of now, I took my medications on time, had frequent nightmares, my body would give up on me from time to time but I was okay with it. I was quite comfortable. I had cracked the pattern. I avoided situations which would create tension or give me anxiety. But Dad didn't seem to care. Well he never cared and that was my only justification to the whole situation.

 I freshened up and reached the study as fast as I could. Manny was already talking to the old man. The room was filled with smoke and the smell of alcohol. As I went closer, I realized they were not talking but arguing about something. Manny constantly banged her head in the air like a rock star to which dad just took a drag of his cigar. They stopped when they saw me. Dad stared at me from a distance. But that was enough to shoot up my adrenaline.

"Done with your vacation son? Now come back to business!" He uttered with pure disgust. Smiling ear  to ear. In his signature khaki colored suit, a stick in his left hand, cigar in the other.

"Sorry dad... I..."

"You thought you had found an escape to this? You are my son and you will carry on the family business...Is it that difficult for you to understand? What they call it nowadays...Nepotism...right?" Dad clenched his teeth. His sweat traveled from his forehead and got lost in the thick salt and pepper beard.

"But I didn't..." I looked at Manny who stood there pressing her finger on her lips. "I am sorry to disappoint you again dad. I was a child then. Please don't harm Mum. She did all that for me." I pleaded. I was always terrified of him. Terrified of his features, his voice, his work and his plans. I had already started breathing shallow, sweating profusely in the air conditioned room. I remember how this has remained constant over the years. My apologies to my father. My silence to my father. My helplessness. I came out to my father when I was fifteen. He wanted me to see a girl from one of his business gang. It was some sort of a deal. I was supposed to meet her. Fall in love with her and eventually marry her. In exchange Dad would have got access to an illegal real estate racket. Well I spoiled his plan, shot at his leg with my gun and ran away to a different country.

"You'll go to the deal today. This is not a big catch. It would be an easy start for you." Dad turned to Manny, "make him prepared, I don't want any blunder this time!" He crushed the cigar into the ash tray and went out of the room. "And sandy the child in you will cost your aunt's life one day if you make any more mistakes. Remember." He roared. He went out of the room limping.

Manny rolled her eyes. "I was supposed to get the deal! Why did you return Sandy?"

"Trust me... If there was a way... I would never return to this hell." I wiped my sweaty face with my sweaty palms. "What's the deal about?"

"Stacks of h****n are arriving from the northern borders. Would reach the diamond port by evening. I have manipulated them for the cheapest amount possible... f**k! I did all this and..."

"I won't go. I might ruin it. You go. I'll tell dad!"

"Like you always do? Your lips get zipped with dad's stare! I don't want to die early... If you want, go ahead and confront dad... Remember what happened to mom... "

"Manny!" I shouted, "please... Don't go there."

"What? You still cannot process that she is gone? She hasn't come back. Ten years Sandy. She didn't contact me...or you. Admit it. She died that day. She cannot disappear in the air. She was killed!"

My legs trembled and I couldn't bear my weight anymore. I pulled a chair and sat. "What do I have to do? The deal I mean...I check the supply or talk?" I tried to divert the subject.

"No talking. Load down from them... Load on to our vehicle. Give the cash and come straight to the go-down. That's it.... And yes, take your gun!"

"I would have our men right. I would be safe. Don't worry." My heart was exploding each second. I was back to square one. London did seem like a long seven year vacation now. "Don't worry!" I repeated. I needed to hear that but no one seemed to assure that. Not even Manny.

"That's the last thing I would do... Worry!" Manny smirked "Nobody is safe in business... No one!"

"I... I... haven't used a gun since I shot dad...Don't have any"

 "Why didn't you aim for his head instead of his foot you i***t!" Manny yanked opened the drawer, swiftly pulled out a gun and touched my forehead with its muzzle. "Use it!" She took my hand and put the gun in my palm. "Learn to accept your fate. Live with it!"

Oh! I so wished I aimed for his heart that day!