Fate will decide

Stalker(TW:sh/body shaming)

Its been exactly 45 minutes since the classes has ended. Currently, it's 3:45 pm.

My legs begin to tremble, if in 5 minutes she doesn't come-im leaving.

Then someone taps on my right shoulder, I turn around and see Nina smiling at me "Hey stalker" and plays with my hair. I push her arm away from my head. "My name is casey and I'm not a stalker."

"Says the person who creepily stared at me almost all day and followed me to the bathroom." she chews on her gum and pulls a wooden chair away from the table and sits on it. "Did i miss anything?"

She waits for few seconds till I finally answer, "Even if I told you the reason, you wouldn't get it."

She slaps her hand to the table, "I don't like people like you, You always be like 'Nobody is going to get it' when in fact you haven't even tried talking about it."

I freeze for few seconds, I mean she's not wrong, but if I explained it as ‘I dreamt you 12 hours ago and usually when I dream about someone that means they're going to die' it will raise more questions. Plus, she seems to have trust issues, she probably won't believe me. I mean, I wouldn't believe anyone who tells me that, it sounds stupid anyways.

"You're right... I dont want to talk about it then."

"Then just say that." She half smiles and gazes at me "So, what are we studying?"

"Well, first of all. I'm going home." I stare at her blanky

"I just got here though!"

"You were 45 minutes late. " I get up and look at the brunette "Tomorrow, don't be late,"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Good." I say and exit the school building.

She looks pretty cool and straight forward. I like that, but she gives that she has high ego so if i praised her, I'm pretty sure she's going to start acting all high and mighty.

A red alfa romeo giulia is parked infront of the school building. I immediately recognise that car;it's my dad's.

This can't be good. I walk toward the car and take a deep breath then open the door-sitting in the passenger's seat.

"Hi father." I greet him with a deep tone.

"How was your first day?" He asks and starts the car engine.

"Okay." I answer him, fidgeting my hands.

He nods and drives forward.

The car is cold and quiet. I wonder whats the occasion of him driving me back home. I know something is going on since he asked me how my day went. Usually, he doesn't even check up on me.

He takes a right turn and continues driving straight forward.

"So," he finally breaks the ice "Carla is on a break now. There will be a new maid coming tomorrow morning."

It takes me few moments to notice what he just said. "What?"

He licks his lips "You heard me right, I don't want you to say another word about it, okay?"

I clench my fist, my nails pressing down to my palms. I bite my lips that it starts to bleed, everything is finefinefinefine.

-

I enter my room without saying anything. The house feels more empty, I know it's something that they talked about earlier this morning. If I can only ask her, but father forbided from texting her at any cost; it's not like I have her number.

Why is he like this? Why can't he just leave her alone? First, she was like my mother-figure to me and suddenly she's On a break now? I'm sure he got her fired but doesn't want to mention it. Probably to 'ease it to me before breaking the big news' as if he cares.

I jump to my bed and rest my body. Today can't get any worse, first it's the dream, Nina coming joining the school, the weird incident in the bathroom with Violet AND Nina. Then now my father tells me that Carla is on break and a new maid coming to....Replace her?

I kick my feet up to the air and push the blankets away from the bed. Why is my father like that? Why can't he just leave me alone?

I'm so frustrated, I clench my hands to the bedsheets and remove them. I hate feeling this way, feeling so...helpless. Im going to go crazy if I don't do anything about it. I need to do something, not about my father since obviously he will never ever change the way I want him to be; a normal loving present Dad.

I tried to change him but if he's not willing to then screw him, i can't change a person no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much its hurts, but it's going to hurt him more soon enough and he will realize that he needs me, it will be too late for him anyways.

I jump out of the bed and go inside the bathroom. I open the dye box, I need to dye my hair to feel better, the only thing that actually makes me feel better.

I hold the brush and apply the colour and start on working on my 'new look'. I'm going to have an identity crisis after dying it. Well it doesn't really matter anymore at this point.

I look at my reflection in the mirror, "You're so weird, look at yourself." her high pitched voice rings to my ears. "You're such a twig" and she pushed me to the ground while her minions were behind her, she grabbed my arm and remove my long sleeves, revealing my scars from my wrists. "Look at yourself, self harming for attention, not eating for attention. You're such a disgusting and pathetic attention seeker" i tried to push her away from me but her grip was too tight around my left wrist and it was getting painful since they were still fresh scars. "Look what you have done to yourself" she mocked, i heard all laughs and whispers around me "you don't even look like a girl" everyone started sneering at me. My right fist reaches to her face but instead I break the bathroom mirror.

I go back to reality and realize that I was just inside my head, The sink is over flowing with water and blue dye, the mirror is broken with 6 pieces. I look at my right knuckle and it's already bleeding. I apply some water and it feels like its burning, the sensation feels so good I don't want it to stop. I look at a sharp broken piece of glass on the sink

The water is still running down, My feet are wet and so are my elbows. I take a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling. I clench my fists, I can feel the glass slowly cutting down my skin, The more I clench to it the more I feel relaxed.

My heartbeat coming back to normal. I just need to go a little bit deeper and I'll feel better. It finally hits me and realize what I'm actually doing, I'm relapsing. I quickly drop the glass and see my left b****y hand, i sigh loudly. Everything is going to be alright, because everything is finefinefinefine.

After cleaning the bathroom and washing my hair even though it was kind of hard to do so with my injured hands. I applied some bandages around my right knuckle and on my left palm too, nobody is going to question it since nobody gives a s**t about anyone's presence but themselves. which to be honest, I don't really blame them. I wish I could be like that;the ability not to give a f**k. You see, I'm the kind of a person who doesn't give a s**t about a person's point of view but give a s**t about their lives? Does that even make sense? It's even more confusing to me to be honest. But I don't let that get into me, there's other s**t that I need to worry about more-Nina. Should I try to save her life like what I did to others or just let it go? I guess I'll go with the flow, with whatever density has to offer since currently I can't make decisions right now considering I was about to relapse and i dont want to think about it. I promised myself I wouldn't do that again and I better keep it, No relapsing,Not today;Not ever.

I open my phone camera and see my dark blue hair. Damn, it looks prettier than the gray one. Pretty gayer too. I stare at myself for a bit too long and realize how little ugly I am, everything needs fixing for me.

I fix my eyebrow piercing and close the phone again and put it on my nightsand.

I lay in bed, it's soft and silky. I place my both arms in a way that it wouldn't hurt if i moved too much. My eyes slowly begin to shut down, My body begins to relax. I'm going to rest my eyes just for a while then I'll probably wake up later to study. Then everything turns black.

I hear a violen alarm tone ringing, I open my eyes and reach for my phone to check up for the time-it's 6:30 am. I quickly get up and im still wearing yesterday's outfit.

At a slow pace, I take off my clothes and place them on the floor. Everything is dirty, the floor is still wet from yesterday and the sink has tiny drops of blood that i couldn't clean.

I roam around the room, I don't know what to wear, I don't know how am I suppose to think if this room is still messy. Why did I even dozed off yesterda? if only i just had some self control in me.

I bite my left index finger. I need to calm down, I'm stressing myself out too much. I inhale and exhale loudly few times until I feel my thoughts have slowed down.

I open my closet and pick out a black baggy pant and a white shirt that has AC/DC logo on it-Nice.

Can't wear a single ring on my fingers because my dumbass can't differentiate between a reality and a memory.

I hurry up and wear my black converse and go to the garage.

Uncle Pete as usual is waiting for me inside the car, I climb into the backseat "Good morning" I smile at the rear mirror

He glances at me "Good morning, casey" and drives all the way to school without saying another word.

----

I sit in the classroom and see some students including Violet coming in all at once-which is pretty odd, It's like something must have happened. I shrug, it doesnt pique my interest unless it's about me, which I'm pretty sure it's not.

After few moments, Nina joins and her eyes catches me staring at her. She smiles and her eyes smiles with her too; it's cute.

"Hi stalker" she waves at and comes closer to me, she pauses for few seconds-focusing on my hands. I quickly put them under the desk, is she going to point out why I look wounded up?

She pets my hair "Your hair looks prettier this way" then back away a bit, "Listen, I'm sorry...." the brunette gives me an awkward smile and goes back to her seat.

On the corner of the room, I see a blue butterfly. I nod to myself, maybe things are going to start to look up after all?