Girls Night
1092 Words
“Look Tony, I don’t want to talk about it! Just leave me alone!”
The door to Nick’s apartment was shut in Tony’s face. He knocked, again. “Nickole! Nick, come on honey let me in. Please?” There was no answer from inside. He pressed his ear to the door, and heard a soft, sobbing sound. He sat outside the door frowning
As he raised his hand to knock again, footsteps approached the small apartment building. Tony stood, and readied himself for the imminent attack. Just as he was about to attack, Alexis turned the corner. He stood up straighter, and tidied himself. “Alexis. What are you doing here.”
She smiled and shook her head at him. “Us best friends have a sixth sense when it comes to another’s pain. Dallas will be here any minute.” Alexis pulled a large spoon and a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. “This is how she copes with stuff. She eats two gallons of ice cream, gets totally hammered, and then goes to the gym the next day. She gets there when it opens and doesn’t leave until it closes.”
“Wow.” Tony was impressed, and slightly worried. “She do this often?”
“Too often for me and Dallas’ liking. I’m surprised she’s not fat by now.”
Tony shook his head, and said “Well you better get in there. She’s hurting.”
Alexis shook her head and held out the spoon and ice cream. “Go to her, Tony. It is your destiny.”
Tony smiled. “I’ll do it, on one condition.”
“Anything.”
“You must agree to never buy coffee again.”
“FINE! It hurts too much, but you must give her the ice cream of destiny.”
Tony smirked, and opened the door. “Nick, I brought you...”
“YOU! OUT! NOW!” Nick was furious.
“But I brought...”
“I don’t care what you brought!” Nick grabbed the ice cream from Tony’s hand, and opened the bucket. “You lousy son of a b--”
Just as Nick was about to dump the contents of the bucket on Tony’s head, Dallas rounded the corner with an alternate bucket of ice cream and a plastic bag filled with booze. She frowned at the scene. “--anana.” Nick finished slowly.
Dallas grabbed the spoon from Tony, pulled Alexis by the ear, and yanked the two into Nick’s apartment. Tony was about to join them, when Alexis appeared in the door. “Sorry Tony. Girls only. Looks like your destiny of ice cream is on hold. Go hang out with the boys. They are at Dallas’ house.”
“But I really think I could help.” Tony objected.
Dallas appeared, her shirt slightly stained with tears. “I’m sorry Tony, but we can’t let you in unless you have a v****a. If you want that fixed, I’d suggest Dr. Niengurken. If not, go to my house. I left some booze in the fridge, that’s all you get of my stash unless you buy your own. Thanks, bye.” she giggled.
The door slammed in his face, and Tony slumped. He walked down the stairs, caught a cab, and went to Dallas’ house. When he got there, the other boys were complaining. Tony went to investigate, and found there were only four beers in the fridge. Dallas, knowing the boys, had previously locked all the rest of her booze in her safe. “Where is the booze safe?” Tony asked.
“Inside the vault.” Thor said, simply.
“Well where is the vault?” Steve asked.
“In her closet, behind her delicates, through a locked door, down two flights of stairs, through a zombie apocalypse shelter, through another door located in one of her 18 gun safes, then you have to have two keys and a passcode.” Thor sighed after finishing. “We are never getting in there without her.”
Tony decided it was time. “If we want free booze, my friends, we must do the unthinkable.”
“What.” The other two asked.
“We must interrupt the most sacred of girl rituals.” Tony said, darkly. “The slumber party.”
Steve put his hand on his chin in thought. “ I don’t think it’s worth it gentlemen.”
“What is a slumber party?” Thor was, once again, clueless.
“Hey, can you break the door with your--” Steve began, but Thor shook his head.
“Dallas has stolen my hammer. Besides the fact, I’ve tried. I can never get past the delicates. I am easily distracted.”
Tony patted Thor on the back. “It’s okay, my friend. It happens to the best of us.”
Thor looked at his companions. “I may not know what a ‘slumber party’ is, but I do know one thing. It is always worth risking your life if it means you can have a drink with your friends. I say, we confront Dallas, and get the keys to the most sacred of places, the Beer Safe.”
“I’m in,” Tony said. “But YOU are calling her.”
Steve dialed his cell phone, and handed it to Thor. “What do you want?” Was the simple reply from the other end.
Thor began to feel fear, for one of the first times in his life. “Hello, dearest. Would you please disclose the location to the keys and passcode for the beer...”
“No,” the reply was even simpler this time.
“Fine. Then I need my hammer...”
“Fat chance lover boy. You want booze, go to the bar, Tony's loaded he can pay.”
There was a click, as if the phone had been hung up. Thor sighed, but then heard noises coming from the other end of the line. “OH MY GAWD! CHANNING TATUM IS SOOOOOO GORGEOUS!!!!!”
There was a chorus of giggles, and then a sudden, “Aw s**t, the phone!”
The line then went dead. “I’m going over there.” Was Thor’s sudden reply.
“NO!” The other two said.
“It’s suicide!” Tony yelled.
“Would you rather be alive and her ogling over other boys on TV, or be dead and have her flirting with them in real life?” Steve asked.
“Neither.” Thor replied. “This is not proper behavior on Asgard. A woman caught fawning over another man is usually sentenced to death.”
“Welcome to Earth buddy.” Tony clapped Thor’s shoulder. “This is normal behavior for girls, and we are all used to it by now.”
“I do not like this feeling I have. I feel like punching someone, hard.”
“That’s called jealousy my friend.” Steve piped in. “It appears when you care for a lady and she watches chick flicks with good-looking guys in them.”
“I feel as if I should go check on them.”
“Your funeral.” Tony said simply.
Thor walked out of the house, leaving a disapproving Tony and Steve behind him.
- Writer
