The Ugly Truth About Abuse

Sam and Betty: Physical Abuse

As Sam and Betty get on with their life, Sam has completely taken over Bettys life. He convinced her to stay home, assuring her that she doesn't need to work and that he will provide for her. She agrees. By now you probably think, "Why hasn't she left yet?" or "She's asking for what happens next." Abusers are cunning and incredibly charming. They have had practice over the years and have perfected how to control their partner. Sam has done this to many girls until he found Betty. She was perfect. He was able to con his way into her life. He became obsessed with her. Controlling her life and keeping her tucked away. Soon Sam convinced Betty to share a phone as it "Cut cost". Betty thought that sounded reasonable not knowing he still had a separate phone. they paid off Betty's phone and had one to share that he always had on him. Little did Betty know that things were about to get ugly. Betty played games on her old phone seeing as how she no longer had service on it. She had cleaned and done laundry. She had dinner waiting on the warmer. It was a lovely day. But Sam was late. She thought nothing of it. She made his lunch for the next day after leaving a portion of dinner in the microwave for him to eat when he came in. He never did. The next day went by and she was worried. Betty had no one to talk to. She no longer had her own f*******: account after Sam had told her it would show everyone that they were happily in love to have one joint f*******: account. Again, she didn't question it. Later on that night Sam came home drunk. Betty was worried. She asked Sam where he had been. A reasonable question. To those of you being abused right now and reading this. Your thinking "well its none of my business." To you I say, yes it is. Betty has every right to know where he's been considering that he's been gone for a whole day. Sam say it's none of her business. Betty is understandably upset. She was scared that something had happened to him and explains this. Thats when she noticed the lipstick smudge on his neck. Perfectly curling a hickey. Betty is enraged. She demands to know where he's been and which whom. Sam slaps her, hard and tells her to mind her own business again. Betty is in shock. She gently hold her cheek as clarity peeks in her mind. Everyone was right. But Sam is a professional at this. He feigns shock and looks at his own hands. he holds Betty as she cries. He cries as well. He apologizes profusely and swears he'll never hit her again. but he does. Again and again he hits her. By this point Betty is convinced that it's her fault that Sam hits her. He says like "Do you think I like hitting you?" or "Look what you made me do." He likes abusing Betty. He likes abusing women in general. Betty is only his latest victim. There are some of you asking what SHE did to MAKE him hit her. Let me tell you this. Betty did nothing but care for him and worry. Sam hit Betty because he wanted to. If a man or woman hits you with the intention of hurting you or hits you hard enough to hurt, Thats not love. They hit because they like it. They want you to hurt. Same wants Betty to hurt. He hurts her because it's fun. Soon Betty starts to flinch whenever Sam gives her affection, this only enrages him more. He hits her harder. Things only escalate when they visit his friend. She wears baggy clothes but his friends still make comments about how beautiful she is. By now she knows what's going to happen when they're alone. And just like always it does. Later the next day she has a doctors appointment with the Gynecologist. The nurses notice the bruises right away but want to try and get her away from Sam. So the inform Sam that he isn't allowed to follow her to the back. Sam lovingly hugs her but whispers some thing in her ear. In the room the nurses take her weight, height, blood pressure. They notice something odd. She flinches as they touch her. Is subtle but they notice. They take her to the room and ask her to get undresses. She panics. If she puts on the hospital gown, they'll see her bruised body. so she hides her body the best she can. The nurse ignore the obvious bruises, but she quickly tells them she's clumsy and falls a lot. They don't buy it. The nurses beg her to tell them what's going on for the sake of her life and that of her unborn baby. Betty is pregnant. She panics even more. Sam will think she's been unfaithful since she is one birth control. But Betty had noticed a few pills had turned up missing. Sam had been hiding her pills. Sam was going to blame her for something that was entirely his fault. Betty begs the nurse to abort the baby, know the future the baby will face with Sam as a father. Even though Betty feels as though there is nothing she can do for herself, She figures she can spare this baby the pain of growing up being a punching bag. This decision crushes Betty as she's always wanted children. She wants this baby with all her heart. The nurses can tell she doesn't want to do this and tell her they can agree. Soon the doctor does in to confirm she is indeed pregnant. "You don't understand!" She begs. "I can't have this baby." The doctor tells her he can't do this procedure under duress. Betty finally breaks and tells them what's been going on. Their hearts break as she tells them every detail. The doctor and nurses all have children. With sorrow in her eyes she begs them on last time to abort. She doesn't want sam to beat the child or eve have a chance to have custody. She then begs them to call the police and to borrow their phone to call her parents. The agreed to everything. They gave her an abortion and she called her parents while the staff called the police. Her body was enough evidence to put him away. Sadly it was his first offense so bail was low. He harassed Betty. Begging her to come back, promising this will be different. She refuses using the anger and hurt of the loss of her baby as fuel to resist him. She now knows, Sam does love her. "Well he didn't make her abort." You might say. Remember, She had to make the choice to knowingly put her baby in harms way where the baby may have been beaten to death anyway. It happens. It happened to two of my aunts. And to my cousin. My aunt was beaten until she miscarried and my other aunt's daughter was beaten to death by her own father at two years old. You might not agree with the choice Betty made. "Well Sam may not have hurt the baby." Your right, but Betty wasn't will to take the chance of it happening. Betty is now happily married to a wonderful man and has three children, but always mourns the one she gave up. Betty went through hell and made it out alive. Some women aren't so lucky. 1 in 3 women WILL be abuse at some point in her life. 4,000 women each year die from domestic abuse. 75% are killed when they are trying to leave or have already left the abusive relationship. How did Betty beat this statistic? She took a cops advice. She stared counseling, She armed herself. She took self defense classes and she remembered the red flags. What you should take away from Bettys stores is this, Betty got lucky. Betty was lucky that the nurses now and days ask if you fell safe and a large amount of time won't lets men into the examination room with you. But She stopped defending Sam when he kept hurting her. She took back control. Think back. Betty's birth control pills started going missing. Sound familiar? If you answered yes. Odds are your partner had hidden them in an attempt to get you pregnant so that you will feel obligated to stay. Don't. If your partner is willing to try and get your pregnant before you'r ready, what else is he willing to do? Sam knew he was losing his grip on Betty and made one last ditch effort before resorting to killing her. I myself was told by a cop that a restraining order is just a piece of paper. Im not advocating the use of violence I'm telling you what I was told. Betty took steps to protect herself. Betty's advice to any one going through this. Leave. Even if you run to a police station, leave. Go far away and change your name if you have too. Recognize the early warning sighs of abuse. One of the most obvious is fear. Let's do a little questionnaire shall we? Do you: feel afraid or your partner most of the time? Like you have to watch what you say or do in fear of angering them? Do you feel that you can t do anything right in their eyes no matter how hard you try to please them. Do you often find your self believing that you deserve to be mistreated or wonder if your crazy. Do you feel emotionally numb or helpless? If you answered yes, you'r being abused. What about your partner? do they have a bad or unpredictable temperament? Hurt or threaten to hurt or kill you? Threaten to take your children away or cause them harm? Force you to have s*x or destroy your belongings? And my all time favorite, threaten suicide if you leave? They're abusing you. Last but not least, Is your partner overly jealous or possessive? Control where you go or who you see? Keep you from friends or family? Limit your access to money, your phone, the car and constantly check up on you? Im not judging you. Im here to help. I understand. I've been in several relationships like this but left as soon a I spited those warning signs. Sometimes the abuse is so subtle you don't even now its happening until they have successfully separated you from your friends and family. You feel lost and alone. But you not. Reach out. Leave when they're not home. Don't worry about getting clothes, leave. I know its scary but if someone is willing to hurt you they don't love you. That being said, Physical abuse is not just limited to partners and can happen to anyone. I suffered at the hands of a woman who would make Cinderella's evil step mother look like a saint. but my story will be told near the end. Abusers prey on people who already have self esteem issues or not old enough to know what abuse really is. It doesn't make you weak to admit you are being abused. You'r so brave but you can't see it. When you speak up about your abuse it inspires others to speak out and leave the situation they are in. Your story could be someone else's salvation. Reach out, get help. Let go of the guilt of staying.