Heartbeat

Prologue

“We should put this to an end, Mayaa.”

The words from Ryan rings in my ears but it is complicated to comprehend immediately or even to respond. His blues eyes are distracting me just like the way it did since the first day I saw him.

How easy for guys to end a relationship where a girl finds herself building a kingdom for both of them without a single expectation from the guy. Perhaps that is the reason for them to end a relationship without giving a damn about it.

“But why? We’re a so good together. Ryan you can’t do this, please.” I merely beg to him.

Ryan is my heartbeat. He owns it. It beats for him and no one else. Ryan is the reason I believe in soulmate. He makes everything magical especially after I knew the reason behind the fluttering of my heart.

At first it was weird where made me stopped whatever I was doing and place my hand near the heart. Then it became scarier when I started to hear a voice in my mind. A voice that calling out my name. But it makes sense when I find the presence of Ryan Hamilton, my first high school crush.

He wipes away the tears flowing on my cheek, it is comforting under his touch and I don’t stop him. We are standing near my locker without bothering the students there. I can’t believe he saying this heart wrenching news at this moment. I thought we going to have a lot more fun even after he moves to college.

“I don’t want the long-distance relationship. It’s… it’s a lot for me. I don’t want any of us regret.” He says effortlessly.

Ryan is my senior and moving to college soon. We met in the guitar club and I fell head over heels for him. I mean who wouldn’t fall for this all-rounded senior in high school. Literally all over the pupils crushing over him but I’m the luckiest because I could be the definition for a nerd who gives zero damn on the way I dresses up.

Not forgetting the point that I have no friend and my only companion is my guitar. But wait, I think I have a friend but that friendship is totally peculiar because it is not friendship that everyone knows about and we meet only when we have something to share or talk about.

“Come on, Ryan. We wouldn’t know without giving a try for it. You can’t give up on us.” My hands and voice are trembling that I could not believe everything coming to an end for a silly reason.

“Mayaa, please try to understand. I’m sorry.” I stare at him as I hold the tears back because this time, I’m not letting him to wipe away my tears. He takes my hand in his and kisses both before walk away from him. I just don’t want this to be the last time I’m seeing him.

It is too painful to see him walking away after bringing my heart to pieces. I close my eyes and let everything buries deeply in my heart. How can he end it when I thought it was just only beginning? Didn’t he think about my feelings even once before he makes his mind? I mean one can be selfish but sometimes boys surprise me with their cruelty.

Didn’t he know how I’m going wet my pillows with my tears every night? Didn’t he know that he was my person?

I need my friend now. He gets me when everybody fails especially about the heartbeat and the voice. When my siblings mocked and called me crazy, he comforted me with his numbered words because he is reticent.

’Meet me at our spot. Urgent.’ I insert sad emoticons so he won’t be late like all the time, knowing it’s really important.

I rush to the basketball court where I meet Marshall. He plays basketball and usually we will meet before he joins his other friends. The friendship I have with him isn’t bad at all. We don’t talk much like other friends do but we both find each other whenever we have a lot in our mind. He is the friend who makes me talk a lot and all he does is listen.

Marshall is the high school boy where parents advise their kids to stay away. But I wouldn’t say he is the bad boy because I find him sweet and caring most of the time even though he was intimidating at first.

I remember the first day he talked to him after our Creative Writing class. I was walking out from the class and he popped out from nowhere, “Hey, you should talk to him if you want him to ask you out.” I stunned when he said that.

“What do you mean?” I stuttered.

“Come on, stop denying. You like Ryan, do you?” While speaking he took a plain silicon wristband that he was wearing and put it around my wrist.

I was blinking rapidly as he continued, “Meet me at basketball court. See ya, nerdy” he went off and our friendship continues.

While waiting for him, my mind plays the awful conversation I had with Ryan over and over again. Here I am replaying it even though I don’t want to, analysing where it went wrong or look for subtle hints from him but he probably busy packing his stuffs and ready to leave.

I know I consciously begged for him to stay but right now at the basketball court and maybe for the next days and nights, I’m subconsciously going to beg for him to stay. I’m going to spend my sleeps, murmuring his names and living in the beautiful memories we had.

I’m going to play my guitar with all the sad breakup songs.

Why, Ryan? Why? But it was over right? I can’t do anything about it.

I check my phone screen and the time reads 5pm, but there are no any hints of Marshall. I instantly gather my bag and walk out from the court. The weather is getting cloudy just like my feelings and it makes me feel even worse than before. I don’t where to go and what to do.

While walking to Marshall’s, my fingers keep sending away texts like a maniac to Ryan. It takes twenty minutes to reach at Marshall’s house. The rain rushes down by the time I reached his place. Knocking the house door with my shivering hand, I wait for him to answer the door and after a while someone answers the door. A brunette, his current girlfriend.

“Where’s Marshall?” I ask in anger that boiling. She examines me with a disgust expression. Her eyebrows are pulled down and her nose wrinkled.

“Who are you??” She asks with her bitchy tone.

“I’m his friend. Can call him please?”

She scoffs, “His friend? As far as I know, he doesn’t have any weirdo that can’t afford a damn umbrella as his friend. Leave, girl.”

“Babe, who is it?” I hear Marshall’s voice from the house and he appears by the door. His eyes bulge out when he saw me. Then he drags me away from the door and shut the house door, leaving both of us outside.

“Where have you been Marshall? I was in heartbreak there and looks like you’re having fun here. Do you know how long I was waiting for you.” I shout at him.

“I was busy.” He replies wryly.

“You could have text me. At least I won’t be sitting there like a dumb.”

“God, what’s the deal with you now, Andrew?” He asks as if he was annoyed to my sudden burst out. I take a deep breath and drop him the same bomb Ryan did.

“Ryan broke up with me.”

His eyes glues into mine without any emotions. “So? What you want me to do for that?”

“How could you say that? What’s up with you, Marshall? Is this how you treat a friend who going through rough time?”

“I’m not your babysitter. What are you expecting? To make you feel better with ice creams and chocolates? If so, you’re wrong about it. You are too immature to go blind with Ryan. Stop your drama and leave. I have my friends over.”

What’s with people today? Asking me to leave!

“What about me, Marshall? I’m not your friend?” I ask in between sobs.

“What you mean by what about you? You’re not and you will never. Leave, Andrew.” He should stop calling me by my last name. This is the second bomb on my head. The pain getting intense and with Marshall, my words doesn’t seem to slip out my tongue easily.

Friendship breakup hurts more!

“Is that why you don’t want to meet me among others because you were ashamed of having a nerd as your friend? I didn’t ask for your friendship, Marshall!” I yell and rain begins pouring along with my sobs.

“Stop being a kid and make a scene here. Leave.” He opens the door and go inside without looking back. Ryan at least took glances while making his way out of the corridor but Marshall doesn’t. Parents were extremely right when they advised their kids to stay away from this guy.

He thinks my tears and pain is a drama? Damn, how could he? Is this what he was thinking all this time?

This day couldn’t get any worse. My high school year is doomed because of two creature who called as a boy generally. It let them ruin everything and I feel like a bulldozer running over me again and again but I couldn’t feel anything.

This is the day where love and friendship break me, shatters me. everything begins to hurt from this day onwards.