Heartbeat

Episode 3

Despite my fear and anxieties here I am getting ready because the weekend finally arrives which means I have dinner with Ryan. Thinking that I’m on right track, I put on the V-neck black romper and apply some light make-up. It takes about two hours for Melissa and Hazel to decide a proper outfit for me which won’t looks like too much for a first dinner with Ryan.

Checking my outfit for one last time, I walk out from the room as I sling a bag on my shoulder. I slowly make my way down the stairs with a pounding heart. Hazel probably catch my steps when I see her rushing out from the kitchen next to the staircase.

“Look at youuuu!!!! Ready to bone your high school sweetheart.” She squeals as she claps both her palms in excitement.

“Hazel!” I give her a glare for making such compliment. She needs filter so badly.

“I’m sorry I can’t join the party this time.” When weekend arrives, the first thing Hazel does is to throw party and I wonder what gives her the energy to throw a house party and still have the same level of energy to clean the house next morning. She has superpower.

I wanted to reschedule our dinner with Ryan but Hazel stopped me, saying it would be unnecessary and I can join the party even after the dinner. It’s just I feel bad because the first time she hosted a party I didn’t make it.

“Where is she?” I snap my head around when Melissa pops out from the sofa and from far, I can guess that she’s not alone on the couch. Her hair falls on both side in unruly manner. I can see a tattooed hand reaches out brushing away her hair to the side. It an anchor and water design tattoo.

“My, my! You look fab! Can I have a quickie before Ryan?” she twirls her hair seductively. I roll my eyes and turns to Hazel who is preparing a cocktail.

“Hey, is Owen there?” I whisper as I near her. She laughs and nods her head. “She’s on top of him, if you’re curious.”

“I don’t want details, Greens.” I hiss. I thank god when Owen didn’t make any fuss for the stunt, I pulled few days ago on his car tyre. Melissa said he didn’t talk about it to her and I shouldn’t worry about it much. If she says so then.

“I think Ryan is here.” I say without checking the phone in my hand or gape out from the window. Lining forms between Hazel’s brows.

“Bye Hazel. Bye Mel. See yaa.” I give a soft peck on Hazel’s cheek who still look dazed. As I reach the door knob, my steps come to a halt. ‘Mayaa’

“Did you call me?” I turn to Hazel but she bobs her head. I draw a thin line on my lips and runs to Hazel.

“What happened?” she asks as she wraps her arms around my shoulder when I sit on the kitchen stool with a big frown on my face.

“I don’t know, Hazel.” I answer before a sigh leaves my mouth. Ryan is waiting for me at outside and now I’m contemplating so hardly if I disappoint me at very last minute. Hazel freezes for a while and her eyes glances at Melissa as she signals her to come.

“What’s up princess? I told you to finish the unfinished business with me first.” Melissa jokes, sits next to me and take a bite of lemon from the cutting board. “Stop wearing long face and go enjoy your dinner. Do you need a condom?”

“Melissa!!” I glare at her.

Hazel pokes my hips. “Hey, listen to me. My young aunt always says it’s fine to enjoy the moment if you don’t have any bad intention. So, go ahead. See how it’s going and remember you’re not forced to do anything at first dinner. You said it’s just a dinner right so why not go there and devour the food. I heard foods there taste heavenly.”

My forehead creases when she calls her aunt as young aunt out of everything she spoke. “Young aunt?”

“Because she said she’s not that old to be called as aunt.” I let out a small laugh, hearing that.

“I think I’ll take her words. Bye guys.” I quickly walk out from the main door and hear words of Melanie saying she will save me some drinks.

Ryan is waiting for me as he leans against the Audi. He dresses in a black shirt which coincidentally matches my dress. He straightens up when I near him with a soft smile flashing on my lips. “You look beautiful, princess.”

His small compliment gives a sudden blush overspread my cheek. “Thanks, Ryan.”

He drives us to a posh restaurant that automatically makes me conscious of myself. The one and only reason I avoid attending my family’s business dinners. I should take care of my table etiquette and the way I behave. It stops me from being myself. So not my kinda thing but still it’s fine to allow myself to experience little glory.

Ryan’s blue eyes never leaving mine since we arrive here. The waiter gives a menu card and I’m having hard to pick the food. “Hey, what you gonna have?” I ask as I tilt my head from the menu card.

“Ryan? Hello earth to Ryan?” I wag my hand on Ryan’s face. He draws a chuckle along with a head shake.

“I’m sorry. You can’t blame me, princess. I got lost in your beauty.”

“Ryan, stop it.” I manage to make it sound serious and quickly look back to the menu but still I can’t help myself from blushing. After deciding on what to eat, the waiter arrives and take our orders. We thank the waiter who takes our order and look at each other for a second. It’s me who averts my gaze from Ryan.

Jesus, drop a sign. Tell me what am I doing here? How am I feeling actually? Everything I’m feeling currently for the gentleman next to me, seems murky and confusing. I pray inside my heart without seeming getting lost in my thoughts while Ryan talking about our high-school stories.

“Why architecture Mayaa?” He asks after placing his wine glass on the table.

“You know how much I love buildings right? I mean many may not know about this but I’ve spent hours admiring buildings which unconsciously reflects the architect’s personality. I want to deliver my emotions through this, Ryan. Because I find sometimes my feelings can be more challenging, different and complicated. Imagine I put all this out in through my buildings.”

I give him a long answer for the reason behind my choice. But that isn’t the only reason, I wittingly drop another reason which going to stay for only my knowing. I always want to be free of wobbles and emotionally I want to achieve stability because it easier for one’s path to be wobbly. Architecture’s main key of success is stability and I want to achieve through something I passionate about.

“It will be amazing, Mayaa. Just like you.” He says softly and brushes my fingers sending butterflies through his gentle touch.

Our foods arrive on the table at the right time. We eat them and I must bring Hazel and Melissa next time. The foods taste superb. Ryan impresses me with the choice of his restaurant. The hospitality is great too.

“Hmm, when I was talking with Mel, she said you weren’t serious with anyone like you’re with me now? Why, Ryan?”

“Told you Mayaa, I looked for you in everyone. Nothing feel right since I let you go. It’s always been you, Mayaa. I was just messing around but not to the extend of dinner.” I listen to him attentively; everything sounds perfect but I don’t want to think about it.

I will be in mess if I do that. “I don’t know what to say, Ryan. You ended it and now saying all these flowery words. Nice to hear but you need to work hard if you want this back.” Honestly, even I don’t see that coming but I don’t want to hold back.

He deserves to know. He breathes deeply and take my hand, “I’m happy when you’re opening up to me. I promise you Mayaa, I won’t let you down. You’re always mine and I never wanted someone so badly as I want you.” I shudder when his lips touch my hand.

We walk out from the car together as I wrap my arms around him. As usual the house crowds with people and drinks. When we’re heading towards the house, I stop and look up at Ryan. His eyebrows arch at me.

“Are you thinking of me?” I stare into his eyes as I shoot the million-dollar question.

He turns to face me and cups my cheek, “Always.”

“Yeah, but how about now?” He gives me a dazzling smile and brings his face dangerously closer to mine. I could feel his hot breath against my lips and shut my eyes hardly. At first, he hesitates but after a while he lips touch mine. It leaves me in shock but I kiss him back. It’s a gentle kiss with light pressure.

We pull apart and it takes a while for me to make an eye contact with Ryan. “Does that answer you?”

I smile lightly and continue our steps to reach others.

‘But it’s a hella no!’

“Hey Ryan! Man, come here.” Someone yells out Ryan’s name. He gives me an apologetic smile and joins others at the backyard. I watch him for a moment and ruffles my hair. He looks so happy at the dinner and happier now especially after this kiss but I’m in deep trouble.

I bit my lower lip, scanning the area and enter the house. Hoping Hazel would be free to lend me a shoulder, I go to the kitchen after looking for her at the living area and thankfully she’s at the kitchen but busy having a tongue fight with a guy.

I sit on the kitchen stool, scrolling my phone until they stop their steamy kiss. “When did you arrive?” Hazel sits next to me as she winks mischievously to the guy.

When you were participating in the tongue competition.” I reply sarcastically.

“Who do you think won the prize?” She plays along and reaches for a shot glass to burn her throat.

“We kissed.” I blurt out causing her to choke on a cough. She wipes off her mouth with the back of her hand and looks at me in widen eyes.

“What? How was it? Tell me? How does it feel? Does that feels same like in high-school?” Questions pile up with the excitement dancing in her eyes. I take a minute to think about it and finally lift up my two shoulders. “Not sure.”

“How can you not sure about it, Mayaa?”

“I don’t know, really. I mean it’s just a kiss. That’s it.” I reply her dryly while filling the chips in my mouth.

“No, Mayaa. No. You’re wrong. A kiss tells a lot. It’s important to know how you feel about the person. It’s not ‘just a kiss’. You know what you need now?” She takes another shot glass and gives to me.

“What is this? A vodka? Why?” I ask her without taking the glass from her hand.

“A vodka has a special talent. A talent that reveals the truth especially for girls like us. You need this and you’ll know what’s in your mind especially after the kiss. Oh, and please don’t drink a lot. You’re a lightweight.”

“That’s a total crap and I’m not lightweight.” With that, I gulp down the vodka and I can see the whole universe. “Give me another one.” I finish up the second and third. Hazel isn’t there anymore when I’m having my fourth glass. God knows where she disappears and guess what I can hear Ryan’s voice from across the room.

Laughing and having fun with his friends. Hazel’s question crosses my mind. ‘How does it feel? Does that feels same like in high-school?’ No, it feels different. The kiss doesn’t excite me like it used to at high-school. It’s not anything as I remember. Or maybe I forget his taste.

I groan in frustration and continue to ruffle my hair. Damn, it’s not about just wanting me so badly. I don’t know about others but there are group of girls like me, who needs something, who hopes for different kind of vibe. This is depressingly devastating.

I wobbly stand up from the kitchen stool as I walk out from the kitchen. Reaching the kitchen wall for a balance, I drag myself to the staircase and cursing myself for drinking like a mad woman. ‘I’m not drinking again’. Everyone says that isn’t it? Laughing at my own words, I make my way up to my room but momentarily lose my balance on the stairs.

“s**t Mayaa.” The voice sounds like Hazel and I think she manages to catch me.

I giggle looking at her worried face. “You saved me.” I pinch her nose playfully.

“I left you and you got yourself drunk, young lady.” She tries to hold me up steadily while whining like a mum.

“How much you had, young lady?”

“I had a little, Hazel.” I say, whining.

“How much is little, Mayaa?” She raises another question and believe me she reminds me of my mum.

“5” I pull out five fingers to her face and grin widely. I lean unsteadily against the wall next to the staircase when Hazel was exchanging words with someone.

“Can you just bring her to room? They need me out there. Her room is at third floor.” Hazel whispers to someone.

“I can walk. I don’t need a bodyguard.” I arrogantly say that as I place another step to climb the stairs but then again, I trip and embarrass myself in front of the stranger. I hear a hiss from my back and impetuously, he carries me in bridal style.

I giggle again, “Ryan. It’s you.”

“Yeah right.” The voice is dry and irritated but come off dangerously low.

“Then you’re not Ryan. Ryan will never give me that tone. But you look familiar. But again, you’re kind. Helping me out when I’m drunk. You’re not gonna take advantage on me, right?”

He hisses again and I zip my mouth. It takes a while for us to reach our destination which is my bedroom. He softly places me on the bed while I continue to rant.

“You know, Hazel asks me about the kiss. It doesn’t feel same. It feels strange. And the whole time I realises who actually occupies my mind. I don’t know what I should feel about it.” I pause and looks down at the guy who currently doing something at the corner of my bed, near my leg.

“Hey, hello. Excuse me, sir. What are you doing there?” He doesn’t bother but take off my heels and places them down.

“Aww, you’re so sweet. You can’t be him even though you both look alike. He’s bad, like really bad. He broke my heart.” Memories washes over me and tears welling up in my eyes.

I restrain them. “How could he-,” A lump in my throat stops me from continuing my words and I try to swallow while looking up at the dark sky.

“He just threw me away and now Hazel’s questions. f**k everything confusing me. Nothing feels right. Literally nothing and he must be having fun.”

“Hey, hey. Stop it.” He says but I continue mumbling, speaking out my mind.

“Mayaa!” The earth stops spinning. My world. My eyes bulge out from the socket and the heartbeat, don’t ask me. I slowly turn around to face the person sitting next to me with the breath that catching in my throat.

“It’s you.” I whisper, reaching out to touch his face and fingers trails down his face.

“Hold this, Mayaa.” He gives my plush toy that I’ll hug while sleeping and tugs it around my arms. I still gape at him in surprise.

The only phrase continuously plays around my lips, “It’s you.” Interrupting his words again. I couldn’t stop myself from getting lost in his eyes as his face is so close to me.

Surprisingly, he says nothing now and continue to look into my eyes. My fingers near his face again but he immediately holds my hand.

“Close your eyes, Mayaa.” He sounds deep and firm. Like a small kid I obey his every command and closes my eyes.

***

The next morning, I wake up with a heavy headache. I stretch my body lazily and sit up thinking on how I end up on my bed. s**t, I was f*****g wasted last night. Just to prove Hazel wrong, I had shots and now regretting with the headache and body ache too.

Stretching my neck to the sides, I drag myself from the bed and takes a good shower. As I leave the bathroom with a towel wrapping around my body, I pull out a white loose t-shirt and grey short pants. I check the drawer to find some aspirin but nothing left.

I tiptoe slowly on the staircase and when I reach down, I find Hazel at kitchen. It’s nice sight whenever I find her at kitchen because that’s where I can find my mom too every morning. Seeing her here, makes me missing home and reminds me of my mother but quite a relief.

“Someone is up. Here I know you need this.” She hands me a glass of water and two aspirin. I mouth her ‘thank you’ and swallows the pills with a big sip of water.

“Coffee?”

I sigh, “Yes, please. What time everyone went back?” I rest my head on the table and mumbles from there.

She places my coffee on the table which automatically catches my attention and makes me feel better just by the smell of coffee. “Not sure though. You better thank Owen for saving your ass last night.” I straight up brusquely when I hear Owen’s name. Luckily, I haven’t drunk the coffee or else I would be spitting out on Hazel’s face.

“Owen?”

She nods.

“Owen as in Melissa’s boyfriend Owen?”

She nods again.

“Owen that owns a Ferrari where I kicked his tyre, that Owen?”

“God sake, Mayaa how many Owen you know? He’s the one!” She gets annoyed and rolls her eyes. While I’m shaking on thinking if I blabber anything to him last night. f**k, I want to die. Please kill me anyone! I bang my head on the table repeatedly.

“What did you tell him? About Ryan?” Hazel titters as she takes a bite of toast.

‘It wasn’t about Ryan, Hazel. That’s the thing now!’ I speak in my mind.

But wait, that’s not the main point now. I stop banging my head when everything happened last night coming in my mind. Holy cow!

No, no! I’m hallucinating. He can’t be the one! It’s impossible, right? Right? Damn someone please agree with me. I cry subconsciously and ready to cry out loud anytime soon. My fingers tapping the table in a furious beat while my legs shaking.

“How are you feeling, Mayaa?” My heart is racing and I stiffen at the voice. The same voice and the way my name roll smoothly in the tongue. My head that facing down deliberately angle up and my heart can’t afford another tremor. My eyes grow impossibly wide as for my lips, it part in silent surprise.

Owen moves to the corner of the table, at my opposite and looks straight into my eyes. It’s like he can see me through my mind and soul. I’m swallowing excessively and toes curling in. His eyebrows raise again gesturing that he still waiting for my answer.

My pupil averts toward Hazel who seems enjoying the show without a popcorn.

“Better.” He nods as he squints his eyes at me and turns to Hazel. “Tell Mel, I’m leaving early. Bye.” With that he leaves the house.

“Do you want a quick pro-tip on saving your energy? Just say what you need to say, nothing more or less and leave like he did.” She says sarcastically.

Sitting on the stool with a paled face, I call out her name. “Hazel”

“Yes hun?”

“What is Owen’s name?” My body whirl around to her who is ready to climb up the staircase. Her forehead wrinkles, “Is it a tricky question? It’s Owen.” She states as a matter of face.

“No, Hazel. Is Owen his first name?” I rephrase the question my this time, gulping at the same time.

“Oh, you mean that. It’s Marshall. Marshall Owen Connor.”

FUCK. MY. LIFE.

Great. Just great!