Sua Farfalla

Five years farfalla

(A/N: slight discussion of strong topics in this chapter)

Jenna's POV:

I couldn't speak. 

I mean, how could I? And if I did, what would I say?

The love was so visibly raw in his eyes that it actually scared me for a second. 

The passion he felt and the clear and utter adoration was such that it actually made me wonder if I was deserving of it at all.

"You know why I enrolled in the Juvie Program in the first place, Alonzo?", I found myself asking him sweetly while rubbing his cheek.

"It was me who needed someone to give my life meaning".

He looked into my eyes, confusion clearly visible there, waiting for me to continue.

"I was beginning to lose hope in my life getting better, you know? No one cared for me, I had no friends, no family... 

And I guess at some point I got so sick of it all that I forgot what feelings were, I forgot what it was like to care.

Honestly Alonzo, I came here because I wanted, needed, the inmate I'd be assigned to, to make me feel something, anything".

Looking back at the last few months, I can't really recall another time when I felt so at ease, not because of life in general, but because at least I have a reason to live this life now.

"I had supposed you'd make me feel angry, sad, uncomfortable, anything really..."

With a slight chuckle, I let my hand wonder through his soft hair. "What I never thought though, was that my inmate would make me feel love". I said with a smile like I've never given before.

"You say I give your life meaning Alonzo, but the truth is, you give me life". 

I spoke each word with so much intensity, I thought we were in a movie or something.

"Look honey, I-... I've suffered from depression... practically all my life, but since you appeared, it's all gone. 

I finally feel, and trust me when I say I've never felt so strongly about anything at all".

When he looked at me, it's as if all my past was gone, puff, erased. 

I knew I could build a life with him and only him, and I'd never need anything else.

But reality sucks, and I'm soon reminded of the fact that I left home, I have no family, my money is scarce, and the guy I fell for is in prison. 

Great...

The smallest tear I've ever seen fell softly from his eye. 

"Farfalla, thank you for telling me this, truly. You have no idea what it means to me", Alonzo said while giving me one of the sweetest smiles I've ever seen.

-

We stayed looking into each other's eyes for what felt like hours, when it had actually only been a couple of minutes.

"I'm sorry to burst the bubble love, but what will you do now?", he asked while separating out touching foreheads, concern written along his face.

"Honestly, I have no idea. I thought about going to California, don't know why though. I guess I just want to distance myself from my foster family as much as I possibly can".

I pure look of disappointment took over his features, and an instant unsettling feeling crept up my back.

"Hey, what is it?", I softly asked him while cupping his cheek on my hands.

As he raised his face to see me, I saw a tear slip out of his left eye, making my heart crumble into a thousand pieces. 

This tear wasn't happy, this tear was a broken one, like the ones I've shed so many times before.

"I just... I don't want you to go", he said so quietly I thought I heard wrong. 

"I know you have to, I just don't want to be alone again", he confessed.

There was something about seeing him in such a vulnerable state that made me want to make him soup, cuddle with him and make him feel as important as he makes me feel each time he simply takes the time to look at me.

"You said it yourself Alonzo, you'll get out and find me again", I spoke confidently.

"Yeah I know, but-"

"But nothing", I interrupted. "Look, we're kids, we don't have anything sorted out yet. 

So see it this way: maybe in the future, when we meet again, we'll be able to have a real relationship while living real lives, like normal people".

He kinda looked amused by what I had just said, and after chucking deeply, he explained why. "Never thought you, Jenna...".

He left the sentence unfinished as if waiting for me to fill the gap. 

"Somers, Jenna Somers", I finally said.

"Never thought a person like Jenna Somers would ever aspire to be normal, or at least attempt to be so".

"Oh well", I gasped dramatically. "The things we different people have to do so society doesn't condemn us...", I finished while putting a hand in my head as if I had a fever to add an effect.

-

Silence embraced us one more time. 

I liked it this way. 

Sometimes no sound has to be made for the deepest words to be said.

Still sitting on the bed, my eyes wandered towards the window where the setting sun could be seen.

Freaking nuggets! Visiting time is almost over.

"I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but our time is about to finish Alonzo, and I don't know when this will happen again", I explained while moving my finger back and forth between as both to signal what I was talking about.

He remained quiet for a while before the most determined and intense pair of eyes met mine.

"Five years farfalla. Give me five years and I swear I'll come to you", he said while holding the back of my neck firmly.

"I know it's unfair for me to ask you to put your love life on hold for me, but give me five years and I promise I'll come looking for you. If I don't show up once my time is up...", he struggled with the last part, but finally managed to get it out after taking a long deep breath.

"If I don't show up, then I'll set you free to live your life as you choose... without me. 

I'd hate myself if I knew I was still stuck in here thirty years from now and you're wasting your life waiting for me".

His face looked sad for saying that, but his eyes still held that determinate glimpse to them, as if knowing that wasn't gonna happen.

"I'd give you a thousand years Alonzo, but if you insist... fine, five years of my life are yours, and if you play your cards right, maybe the rest of them will be too".

A painfully wide smile was plastered in both of our mouths, and before I knew it, he had brought his lips towards mine, letting them combine for the first time ever into what felt like the sweetest, most love full kiss in the history of the earth.

I might not have a big loving family, a great education, a roof over my head or even money to do... anything, but for now, I have him, and that's more than enough.