Sua Farfalla

Cloud of invincible fire

Jenna's POV:

While sitting in the bus, I couldn't take my eyes off the raindrops that were sliding down the window.

I needed to think everything through, I really did, so the thought of going anywhere but my haunted house crossed my mind, only for the lovely possibility to disappear once it started to rain heavily.

As the bus reached a stop, I swiftly stood and started walking to the back exit, jumping once the doors were open enough for me to go through.

I was a few blocks always from home, but came to the conclusion that walking in the rain and probably getting pneumonia was better than risking my vulnerable and tired mind being bullied by my foster "FaMiLy"... bunch of dumbasses I'd say.

I couldn't get Alonzo's story out of my head. 

I understand it, all of it. But what I don't understand is why I'm so accepting of it.

Anyone would have thought of him as a monster. 

He just admitted to had wanted to be an assassin for crying out loud!

But I still don't care... I like him.

Sure, anyone could call me crazy or even inmoral for accepting this side of him. 

Truth is, in my seventeen years of life I've never received affection in any way. No one cared for me. 

Until he came along.

Somehow, someway, when I look into his eyes, I can see that he does care for me. 

I could be hallucinating, yes, and many people could call me naive for trusting a guy like him, but try feeling lonely for seventeen whole years. 

Try crying yourself to sleep everyday because you feel like you're not enough to receive love. 

Try watching all your classmates talk fondly about their parents, while you don't even know your real ones.

Try all that, and then tell me who would act like me. Who wouldn't jump at the first sight of affection. 

Who wouldn't accept him in spite of his flaws, if it meant I could feel a little less lonely.

Yes, it's silly for me to trust someone solely for those reasons. 

But try not knowing what being loved feels like for your whole life. 

Could someone really say they wouldn't take the opportunity of knowing how it feels? 

Even if it all ends up being a lie, or just a fling, an entertainment of his while being in prison.

I. Don't. Care.

I'd rather live that beautiful lie for as long as I can, than keep on living this empty and lonely truth where I'm meaningless to the world.

Honestly, I used to think of me as dust that someone could just blow on, and would disappear.

Now, with him around, I feel like I'm made of sparks. I truly do. 

And whenever someone tries to blow on me, I'll just grow stronger and more powerful into a massive cloud of invincible fire.

I really needed that... him.

-

After walking a few blocks and splashing water each time I saw a puddle of water, I reached my house's front door and opened it without a mental preparation.

'Better do it like a band-aid', I thought. 'Don't think about it to much, just do it'.

Pulling my wet shoes off and taking them to the laundry room, I could hear Gerald talking on the phone.

I walked up the stairs and was about to enter my room, when Mandy called out for me and told me to go to hers.

Doing as told, I stopped at the doorway waiting for her to let me in. 

She didn't though, she just signaled two dresses and simply said: "Which one would look better on me? It's for a meeting with my husband's coworkers".

That was kind of an implicit deal we had. I didn't call them 'mom' and 'dad', and they wouldn't refer to me as their daughter. 

The less acquainted to each other we pretended to be, the better.

I took a good look at them and finally said: "The blue one, it really goes with your eyes".

With a quick glance my way and then another at the dress, she nods her head in acceptance and signals me to leave the room with her hand, as if I were a servant.

Just as I turned around though, my body collided with Gerald's who looked quite bored.

He simply side stepped me and went to his wife's side, kissing her cheek and calling her beautiful. 

Funny, cause he cheats on her every single damn night she's out with her 'friends'.

She knows though, but doesn't say anything cause she's also cheating on him every time she says she's out with her 'squad'.

I was about to leave again when my foster father's voice stopped me. 

"That was your uncle Roger on the phone", he said. 

Instantly, all the hairs from my arms and the back of my neck started to raise. "Mandy and I are going on a little vacation for two months to Aruba, so he's coming here to take care of you in two weeks".

My world came crashing down. 

TWO FREAKING MONTHS ALONE WITH THAT BABOON?!?!?

I couldn't answer, I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there and hoped to god this didn't get any worse.

"Oh, and Jenna?", he continued. "He asked me to tell you not to forget about your new role, and that he expects you to fill it without complaining".

Okay, it did get worse.

"As long as we're not here, you will do as he says. I expect you to be obedient Jenna, understood?"

The thing is, he knows exactly what Roger wants to do to me, they are brothers for crying out loud. 

As far as I'm concerned, Gerald is as f****d up as him, only that as he's married now and Mandy is always around, he doesn't want to risk touching me in fear it'll upset his wife.

I simply nod and turn around, walking quickly towards my room and shutting the door closed as I entered.

Honestly, as absurd as it may seem, sometimes I feel like I'm the one in prison and not Alonzo.