LOST SOUL

IS THIS LOVE

LEY'S POV

"I want to remind you that you are royalty and you are not supposed to take in any filthy thing cause it seems like you have forgotten" Mary said

"I'm sorry I was very hungry" I replied with my head bowed.

"You could have sent for me instead of trying to get food by yourself, I'm really disappointed in you" she said

"I'm sorry, I won't do it again" I said. "Hope you washed your mouth well" she asked, "yes I did" I replied.

I can remember starring at her for long and thinking it's the right time I let her know of how I have been feeling lately.

"Mary can I tell you something?" I asked. "Yeah, sure you can" she replied.

I looked at her for a while "I think something is wrong with me" I said. "Of course, the doctor confirmed that" she replied.

Hearing her mention the doctors name changed my mood but it didn't stop me from telling her what I waited to tell her.

"No not that, something is really wrong with me but I can't really describe it, I feel feel like a completely different person, most times I feel weak, tired, and empty, Other times I just feel like something is missing from my life but I just can't discover what exactly is missing. You know what you saw me do earlier, I didn't mean to do that. It was like I was compelled to do so, and at that moment it felt like I was not even in control of myself". I said expecting her to say something, anything that will make me feel good.

Mary stared at me for a while and I guess she was speechless at that point in time but she managed to say something. "Just go and rest" she replied.

I was so disappointed that I didn't know when I talked to her in a very offensive way.

"I know you were going to ignore what I said to but I just did thinking you will believe me but I was a fool thinking that. Even after what you saw, what do you think that was, Oh you think I was just being stupid, I'm not a child anymore I can differentiate between what is eatable and what's not, licking blood of the table is not normal that you know but you are choosing to ignore the act while I stay all by myself in my head confused and fighting what I know not. You know what just forget it" I said in tears and then walked out immediately.

I can recall looking back at her and she was just seated with her eyes fixed on me as I walked away.

I entered my room and met my mom seated on my bed something she has never done before, I didn't even know she knows my room.

"Why are you crying?" she asked signalling me to seat beside her. "Who made you cry, let me know so I can handle it" she said.

I walked up to her and hugged her, not being able to control the tears I let them all out on her shoulders.

"I don't know mom, I can't explain" I said in tears.

"Don't worry, it shows you are maturing" she said as she patted my back. "No mom, this is different" I replied.

At that moment, I wanted to tell her about what happened earlier but realizing she won't take it lightly with me and also might punish the workers, I withdrew from doing so.

"Can I hug you again" I asked hoping not to get disappointed.

"Yeah sure?" She said stretching out her arms to reach out to me.

I hugged her, didn't want to let go but I had to because she said she had work to do and that she just came to check out on me.

We refrained from the hug and then she left.

Hugging my mom really eased the pain I felt earlier and I couldn't be happier.

I sat on the chair by the corner of my room starring at the window thinking of my mom and what could be the reason she decided to be sweet to me.

That same day something happened.

As I was seated, one of the servants came in "ma'am Jane is here to see you and she doesn't look so good looks like she is crying" he said.

As soon as I heard that she was crying, I stood up and left leaving the servant in my room without even asking him where Jane was waiting.

I went out of the castle looking at all directions in search of her then shortly someone touched my leg. I looked down and I saw Jane seated on the stairs, I sat down with here not being able to withstand her tears I cried too. I wiped her tears and gave her a hug, refraining from the hug I touched her jaw "what is the matter" I asked. "It's my dad" she replied and then she broke down seriously. I managed to console her "what about your father" I asked.

"The moment you left, I went back to my house only to meet my mom crying, I walked up to her just to see her holding my dad so close to her chest. I didn't want to believe what I saw, I kept asking my mom what happened to him and how it happened then she said he just slumped and died" she replied.

"What!" I screamed. "That is why I am here, I can't stay at my house for now, a lot of people are there with my mom" she said. "You can stay here with me as long as you want, I don't mind" I replied.

I couldn't believe my ears, the last time I saw Jane's Dad, he was not even sick he was very strong. I brought Jane inside to my room, rang the bell, shortly after Mary came in so I asked her to get me a full bucket of water.

She left and came back with it shortly. I took Mary to the bathroom and we bathed together.

I refused her from bathing herself so I can do so, I just wanted to do more for her. After we were done having our bath, I then gave her one of my gowns to wear.

She felt so bad that she cried as I bathed her and even after bathing her, she kept crying. I felt sorry for her that I wished there was something I could do to make her happy.

That evening I took her for a stroll round the castle, I sent for my mom's joker to come and entertain us in the garden, it took him a while but he finally came.

Through out his performance she didn't smile and that really pricked my heart.

I dismissed the joker and then kept looking at Jane, for a moment I was lost and caught up. Looking at her really made me feel different, I touched her cheeks gently and then her lips. I kept staring at her, then I realized she was really beautiful.

"stop looking at me that way you are making me shy" she said as she placed her hands on top mine which rested on her cheeks. "Everything is going to be ok, I'm here with you" I said as I pecked her forehead.

She smiled and her smile was beautiful, her eye sparkled and I was really caught up. I couldn't describe my feelings. "Ley, what is the matter, you seem lost" she asked. "nothing" I replied. I looked away and when I looked at her again I Saw her staring at me with this smile. "Thanks for today" she said. "it's nothing, what are friends for" I replied.

We stayed at the garden till it was dark, we laid on our backs facing the cloud. Looking up to the sky we couldn't help but to count the stars together, we also argued on there shapes and what they represented and while we argued, we turned to face each other then our lips touched. That moment I couldn't explain how I felt, I was happy but scared too, "I'm_ I'm sorry" I heard myself say. Jane didn't even respond instead she brought me closer and kissed me, I couldn't push her away, it felt like I have been longing for it and I didn't want to let go.

After the kiss, she took my by the hands smiling. I couldn't even look her in the eye as I smiled back.

"Look a shooting star, make a wish" she said pointing to the sky.

I looked up to the sky to make a wish and the only thing I could think of was Jane, I didn't even know what to wish for but I can remember wishing she will always be with me.

"What did you wish for" she asked smiling. "Something" I replied. "Please tell me or are you now hiding things from me" she said. "I'm not hiding anything from you and about my wish, I wished for us not to be seperated" I replied. "Exactly what I wished for" she said smiling.

I was happy that she is finally over her sadness and she is smiling, I hugged her and made her promise to always be my friend.

After a short time, we went to my room, as we entered, Jane jumped on the bed and kept on bouncing on it. It looked like fun so I joined her.

"Your bed is really comfortable, soft and huge" she screamed. "keep your voice down, it's late already" I said smiling. "Your bed is so hu..ge" she whispered. We laughed out loud and then we laid on the bed holding each other's hands and then again I was lost in her eyes.

~~~~~~~

One thing I know and can remember about how Jane made me feel is she made me so happy and any time I'm with her I forget all I'm worried about, all that was bothering. To be honest, my life revolved around her and her alone and after that night, we started spending more time together.

~~~~~~~

"Why are you looking at me like that" she said and then she touched my face. "Nothing, you're beautiful" I replied shying away from her stare and she did too. I kept looking at the ceiling thinking of what to say to break the silence between us.

Our hands were still tightly locked and I felt safe and at that moment of silence I told her about my mom's changed attitude towards me.

"Jane, do you know that recently my mom had been acting strange" I said looking at her side face.

"how strange" she replied facing me. "it's not a bad, I really like it she has been caring, actually she changed after the day I walked out on her" I replied smiling. "I'm actually happy for that" she replied smiling too. "and do you know the best part?" I asked. "what is it" she replied in curiosity. "She hugged me or let me say we hugged twice for a long time". "you're are not serious, her royal majesty hugged you" she replied in shock. "Yes she did, have you forgotten she is my mom" I replied laughing. "yeah that's true but it's really strange" she replied. "Come there is a place I want to take you too" I said raising her up to stand up from the bed. "where is that?" she asked as she stood from the bed. "it's a surprise" I replied.

We walked down the dark hall, I can sense she was scared because she held onto me like she was not going to let go. "I want to take you to the Castles Dungeon, Mary said that my grandfather used to lock criminals up there without food to wrath" I said as we took a turn into a more darker room. "We need a lamp" she said. "There should be one around" I replied as I searched for it.

I was able to find the lamp, lit it and we went downstairs to the dungeon.

We go there and Jane freaked out at the sight of bones.

"Aaaaaahhhh...." she screamed. I hugged her so tight to ease her. "it's ok, it's nothing I'm here" I said.

Refraining from the hug, I couldn't help but laugh at how she acted. "stop laughing" she said. "I'm sorry for laughing and also for bringing you here, let's leave" I said as to her as I held her hand while we walked out of the dungeon heading back to my room.

Reaching the room I burst out into laughter "you needed to see your face when you Saw those bones" I said. "It's funny though, I was not expecting that and stop laughing at me" she replied smiling.

"I'm really tired and I want to sleep" she said as she dragged me to the bed. "yeah, me too" I replied not being too sure if I wanted to sleep.

We laid down on the bed to sleep, cuddling each other while we slept. Her body against mine felt so good and I recall wishing we were always like that.

~~~~~~~

That was actually the first night I was going to bed late and spending the night with someone other that my Nanny and that night I had another nightmare which kept us up through out the night but I couldn't tell Jane the truth about my nightmare when she asked.