The sad story of the babysitter

Chapter two - I don't know how I will survive

Lily's POV:

It's Monday so I have to go to school. I would be happier about that if I had some friends. I feel like every time when I walk in people are staring at me for some reason. Most of them are making fun of me as well. That's why I don't eat with the others. On the other hand, to be honest I barely eat. However, I won't talk about this now. 

I got dressed and walked downstairs for breakfast. Mom and dad were already at the table. 

- Eat quickly or you'll get late. - mom said

- I have thirty more minutes. 

- But school is more important than food. Now eat if you want to or go to school.

I didn't say anything else, grabbed my things, and walked away. I took a deep breath and enter school. All the looks were on me again. I ignored them and went to my locker. I was looking at my phone when I felt eyes on me. I looked up and saw Ryder Collins. The biggest jackass in school. He thinks that he can have every girl because he is a bad boy. Moreover, for me, he is nothing more than the other boys in school. 

Ryder threw me a smirk. I closed my locker and went to class. What I forgot was that he was in my class. When he walked in, he sit behind me. 

- Hey nerd, why do you look like a skeleton?

I just ignore him. Yes, I am skinny, but I can't look that bad. There was a time when I was eating a lot and my parents told me to eat less. I don't think that they like me. All they want is to look good in front of the people. They have never asked Lizzy or me how we feel about it. 

- Nerd, I asked you something. Won't you answer me?

- When you say my name, I will. 

- Ok Riley. Now answer me. 

- I said when you say my name, not when you say a random name. Moreover, there are better chicks than me for you. Why don't you put your attention to them?

- You know that with one snap of my fingers you will be mine. 

- Can't you stop being so annoying?

- You or me. Oh, sorry. I forgot that the nerds don't date. Be glad that I don't want you.

- I am. You are the last person with who I want to be. 

- Yeah, I'll agree here. You are the last girl on the planet who I will date. 

- Then why do you keep talking with me?

- I... shut up nerd or whatever your name is. 

Point for me. This boy is unbelievable. Of all the boys in school, he is the most annoying one. Gladly I see him only in school. I don't know who is worse - him or my parents. Well, at least he doesn't criticize every movement, which I make. Maybe he is not that bad, but the way he acts shows exactly the opposite. 

On my lunch break, I went to the gym. Usually, no one is there and that's better. When I walked in, I saw Alex. He is one of Ryder's friends. I was about to walk away, but I felt how he grabbed my hand. 

- Lily, you don't have to go. If you want, you can stay here. 

- You... you know my name?

- Of course that I do. Look, I know that Ryder can be... how to say it... like a player, but don't mind him.

- Can I ask you something?

- Sure, whatever you want. 

- Why you are not like him? I mean that you treat people nicely.

- Don't fool yourself, sweetie. I am like him. Just not around everyone. 

- I understand. So... no one of you is normal? I mean not a player. 

- There are boys who aren’t, but they are not from us if you understand.

- Yeah, I get it. 

- I have to go now. See you later sweetie. - he winked at me and walked away

I shouldn't be surprised. All the boys are the same. At least the boys in their group. However, I have to admit that for some reason all the girls in school want them. Like they are pieces of gold. Sometimes I am happy that they don't talk with me. I don't want to suffer more. 

After school, I decide to see Lizzy. Even dead, she is still the only person with who I can share everything. I grabbed my things and went to the wooden bridge in the forest by the river. I sat down and called her. 

- Lizzy. Lizzy, are you here? I need you. 

I felt a light breeze on my face. She is here. 

- Hey Lizzy. I want to talk with you. I don't feel well lately. Mom and dad are the same as always. In school, things aren't the best. My grades are good, but I am still the lonely nerd if you understand me. I want to be happy, but I don't know how to do it. Tell me when you were my age how you were smiling all the time?

I felt the breeze again, but this time it was in a specific direction. I got up and went to the small shore. On the sand were written a couple of words. 

Just be yourself. Do the things, which you like, and the way you like them.

- But I am supposed to do that Lizzy? You know that I never was like you. Socializing is not my thing. 

The water came and washed the words. Soon appear new ones. 

You don't have to socialize to be happy. Just don't let mom and dad do what they did to me. 

- This is so hard. Since you are gone, they are treating me the same way as you. And if I say something, they get mad. 

New words appeared on the sand.

Then go away. Go and live somewhere, where you will be happy. 

- I have nowhere to go. Nobody likes me. I don't have friends. Our grandparents are dead. I have no one. Except you. Maybe I can come to live with you. 

I thought that she'll agree, but no. She didn't.

Don't do that Lily. Don't kill yourself. There are so many things, which you haven't done. Don't be like me. Be yourself. 

- I am trying, but it's so hard. Can't I just come to be with you? Like we used to be. 

Lizzy replied.

Don't do it. Lily promise me that no matter what happens you will stay strong. 

- Ok, I'll try. I'll do this for you. Only if you promise me that when I come here, you'll always be here as well. 

I smile at the words written in the sand. 

I promise you. I'll do everything for you. I love you so much. 

- I love you too Lizzy. I have to go now, but soon I'll come back. 

With that, I left. I am happy that at least one person wants to listen to me. Even dead Lizzy is still my best friend. Maybe I need to find some friends, but I am scared that no one will like me when they hear my story. I don't want to be broken again. I already lost the most important person in my life. I don't want to lose someone else. 

Later I went home. When I walked in, I saw my parents. By their looks, I can say that they are not in good mood. I wonder what it is this time. 

- Where have you been? - mom asked

- Outside. I'm coming from school. 

- School ended an hour ago. Tell me the truth young lady. 

- I just did it. All I did was take a long way home. 

- Were you there again? - dad asked

- Where? I don't understand. 

- We told you million times to stop going there. Your sister is dead. Will you finally accept it?

- I already accepted it, but I won't accept the way you are talking about her. 

- This girl isn't part of this family. All she did was embarrass us. 

- This girl was your daughter. How can you talk like that about her?

- Because she did nothing for us. All she was doing is thinking of herself. 

- Yes, because you always were telling her what to do. Lizzy wasn't a kid. And just because she was doing the things not the way you wanted doesn't mean that they were wrong. 

- That's exactly what it means. I wanted to make her strong. To have a stable job. However, she chose her way. Unfortunately, it was wrong. 

- No, it wasn't. What happened with her is all your fault. If you and dad were treating her better, she might not have drowned.

- Be careful what you are talking about. Or do you want to be like her? Why do you think that you are alone? All you are talking about is your sister. Like she was made of gold. 

- Because she was my best friend. Lizzy was the only person with who I could share everything and you took that from me. You are the reason for her death. 

- Lily doesn't talk like that to us. You know how hard we were working to make her feel better. 

- Dad, you have told me never to lie. Then why you are doing it now? Why can't you accept that Lizzy is gone, because of you and mom? You broke her. 

- Keep talking like that and I'll show you what it is like to be like her. 

- If you have never wanted kids, you shouldn't get pregnant in the first place. 

I felt tears in my eyes. How my parents can be so cold-hearted? Lizzy means everything to me and they don't even want to talk about her. I won't stop going to the bridge. Now I need my sister more than ever. Why can't I have normal parents who actually love me and care about me? I need someone who will take me out of here, but how I see this won't happen. 

- Go in your room, before I do something, which you'll regret. 

- Whatever. Not like, I have expected you to understand me. Unlike you, Lizzy was very good at this. She was always listening to everyone and was never judging them. 

I wet in my room and slammed the door. I hate them so much. I went into my bathroom and opened the cabinet behind the mirror. I took a little bottle of pills and took one. Before I wasn't taking them, but now they are my life savior. These pills help me when I am stressed or angry or just not in the mood. One a day is enough. 

- Why can't they understand me? Am I that bad child? I am doing everything that they want and it's still not enough. Maybe I have to listen to Lizzy. I should start doing things my way. However, I don't want to imagine what will happen to me if I really do it. Mom and dad definitely won't like it. 

I was about to take another pill, but I didn't. Now it's not the time. I still have some hope that in the end, everything will be ok. As much as I want to be with Lizzy, I know that she won't be happy. I have to stay strong for her. I promised her that and I won't break my promise. 

At the end of the day, I spent it in my room. Mom called me for dinner, but I denied it. I know that I have to eat, but to be honest I don't want to. I don't see a point in it or at everything. Lately, I don't even know why I am still alive. I'm sure that no one will care if I die. Only my parents about their reputation. I'll try to live a little bit longer. But if things don't get better, I won't think much and I will put an end to them.