The Shadow Hunter

Chapter 08: Entering the Darkness

He saw a ranger wandering around the borders of Imladris. Their face was concealed with the dark hood shadowing their figure. There were no stars above, only the cold wind of the silent night. They were walking away from Rivendell quietly, undisturbed by the lack of guards around. The image diminished, dissipating into ash and fog.

Then he saw tears, trickling from the ranger’s face.

“Elrond?” Elrond heard Glorfindel whispering from beside him. Elrond jolted from his seat and looked at Glorfindel as if something bad had happened, the latter looking at him equally confused. Elrond rubbed his eyes and blinked several times, adjusting his vision to the reality. “What has happened, My Friend? It is rare for you to be asleep, yet alone surprised,” Glorfindel continued.

“No, I just have a vision…. That’s all,” Elrond answered with a shook of his head. Glorfindel watched Elrond covering his eyes in distress.

“The vision… It bothers you. What did you see?” Glorfindel asked slowly.

“It is not important.... But I have a poor premonition from it,” Elrond whispered terrifyingly.“My visions recently are not well, Glorfindel. I am seeing deaths and darkness, the stars dissipating. I am afraid that something unwanted shall happen.”

The horns of Rivendell were sounded just as Elrond finished his sentence. Glorfindel and Elrond flinched, for the horns had disturbed the silence of the night in the valley.

“Has Arwen and Varilerin arrived?” Glorfindel deduced.

“No… It is too soon. Their journey must at least take another day-“

Elrond stopped moving. His eyes were widening with a realization. Glorfindel reacted similarly and they both rushed to the gates faster than the wind of the night. The Elves were gathering near the gates and outside their chambers as well, wondering what had happened that the horns were sounded. They could see Gandalf as well, watching from the second floor in confusion.

What Glorfindel and Elrond saw terrified them, terrified them more than anything they had seen. Glorfindel tried to convince himself that what he was seeing was a mere illusion of the night, but he knew that he could not veil the cruel image revealed to his eyes.

Varilerin was arriving on a horse with a battered body. Her face was utterly tired, dirty, and marred with blood and dust. Her body was covered in bruises and grazes, whilst her clothes were torn and dusted. What Elrond saw terrified him more, for the body was none other than his own daughter. Even from a distance he could see that her face was pale like the moonlight, and her body was injured with a deep arrow wound on her back.

Varilerin didn’t speak a single word as she unmounted her horse and carried Arwen on her back. Elrond approached Varilerin, his face filled with worry, or anger, she didn’t know. Varilerin couldn’t bring courage to look into his eyes, knowing that he must be furious of the sight he was seeing. She could only glance at him, pleading that Arwen be treated, ignoring her own painful body.

“Prepare the healing chambers, quick!” Elrond ordered the surrounding Elves with his wavering voice. Varilerin nodded and, as if her appearance didn’t signify her fatigue, she rushed to the healing chambers. Elrond entered the room and instructed several Elves to pick some herbs, whilst Varilerin laid Arwen down on the bed.

“The wound is poisoned. I have managed to slow down the poison using athelas,” Varilerin told Elrond hesitantly. Elrond didn’t look at her, observing Arwen’s wounds intently and worriedly. Varilerin clasped her hands together, praying silently for her dying friend. She felt helpless like a rabbit, not knowing that to do despite her long experience as a ranger.

“You must leave now,” Elrond told her after a momentary silence. Varilerin merely nodded and left the room slowly. Outside, Glorfindel was waiting for her, his eyes filled with questions and worry that could not be described. Varilerin looked at him, before suddenly she fell to the ground and covered her face with her soiled hands.

“Orcs…. They ambushed and outnumbered us… Ellain and Ruindoldir fell and I ran with Arwen…. But I couldn’t protect her,” she muttered in horror, repeatedly as if she was chanting an evil spell. Glorfindel knelt in front of her and tried to comfort her. His heart was pained enough by her appearance, yet alone her words.

“Child, it is not your fault. You have done your best,” Glorfindel whispered.

Varilerin looked up instantly. She looked at him with dimmed silver eyes that dammed a well of tears.

“It is all my fault… I shouldn’t have chosen that road… I shouldn’t have left her….. I should have fought better!” she muttered again. Invisible tears wetted her dry eyes like a fog of white mist. Glorfindel shuddered, for he saw a darkness within her eyes that he had never seen before. It seemed to reach his heart, and feared him more than the beasts that he had taken down.

“Varilerin, I have told you, it is not your fault. Whatever caused your poor fate is the darkness that Sauron had been spreading. You are only a victim of his devilry!” Glorfindel repeated.

“Yet I am the place where his devilry loves and covets,” Varilerin said.

“No… Do not say that My Child,” Glorfindel muttered hastily. “You are tired, battered, your wisdom cannot take over your mind. Do not think such evil things. You are not a harbinger of evil, only a warrior of light.”

Varilerin grimaced and faced away from Glorfindel, biting her lip until it bled. “Forgive me, Master, but I do not know what is right for me anymore,” Varilerin whimpered. “I have arrived here, unscathed, whilst Arwen is dying-“

“Stop this nonsense, Varilerin. You have done what you should have done. Arwen will not die, for Lord Elrond is a master of healing. Now your duty is not to meddle with your guilt, but to rest. You have suffered much in a short time,” Glorfindel told her gently. Varilerin didn’t respond, drinking the blood from her lips. Glorfindel forced Varilerin to face him, telling her with his gentle eyes the thought he had been trying to tell her repeatedly. Her master’s assurance forced Varilerin to give up, and she finally nodded with reluctance.

“I understand, Master,” Varilerin muttered and bowed, before leaving Glorfindel alone in the corridor. Glorfindel looked at her as she disappeared to the shadows, his world as if shattering slowly. He had never seen his daughter as battered and broken as this.

“It is easier to say than to do,” Glorfindel heard Gandalf muttering behind him. The wizard approached him, having heard and seen all the bitter events that had unfolded in a short time. “I have never seen such guilt overcoming someone, Master Glorfindel, and I am afraid that it will result not fairly for young Varilerin.”

“I am anxious as well, Gandalf,” Glorfindel said. “But what should I do?”

“I am but a mere guest. Actions you must take by yourself, Master Glorfindel,” Gandalf told him. Glorfindel stayed silent, for it was the first time he was utterly confused to take action.

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When Varilerin had been treated from her wounds that could not be compared to those suffered by Arwen, she escaped to the dark woods. There, she wept without tears, letting her heart being pierced by thousands of arrows of guilt. She could not meet Elladan and Elrohir, who must had been surprised of their sister’s condition, and Elrond who was still treating Arwen silently. Varilerin had bathed and exchanged her clothes with new ones, but the scent of blood still lingered on her body. Her clean hands were still covered in blood in her eyes, a reminder of her failure and guilt that would not escape her soul.

Ellain and Ruindoldir were gone, their bodies still haunting her mind. She wouldn’t see them nor talk with them again regarding the simplest things. She would spend the rest of her days alone and silent. Arwen might had died and Varilerin was sure that she would never forget the pain inflicting her that day.

Why do I leave them? Why can’t I keep my own vow? Why do everyone come to harm when I am around them, loving them, swearing to protect them?

Her name was supposed to be the queen of protection, but she was instead a harbinger of evil, a bad omen for all who met her. Her gift was supposed to protect everyone, yet dangers would come to those known to her. It was not a gift, but a curse, and she herself was a curse.

“Varilerin?” Glorfindel’s voice came from afar. Apparently Glorfindel had learnt her favorite hiding places, yet he had never dared to visit her during her hiding. But now it was dire, for he didn’t want to lose his beloved daughter to guilt. Varilerin didn’t dare to turn and meet her master, for the guilt she was experiencing was too heavy to bear.

“Yes, Master?” she asked, trying to remain calm in her condition.

“Arwen has been cured. She’s safe, though it would take her days before waking up because the poison is deep,” Glorfindel informed her. He could hear Varilerin breathing out a sigh of relief.

“Thank the Valar,” Glorfindel heard her muttering to the sky.

“Varilerin, it is once more, not your fault. You should not burden your tired body with guilt,” Glorfindel said again in hopes to lift the spirits. Varilerin didn’t speak and stared into the woods. There was a long silence between them, only the wind of the night brushing against their skin.

“I need to take my leave and rest,” Varilerin told Glorfindel said finally, before bowing and leaving the ellon alone in the woods. She walked quietly among the trees and suddenly stopped, looking up to the moon with her silver eyes. It glared back at her, as if she was just a lowly being. She was, a lowly being, and she accepted whatever will the Valar was planning for her.

But there was something strange in the light of the moon. It resonated with her heart, moving her soul from the darkest depths she was currently experiencing. Varilerin’s eyes fluttered and she finally moved again. There was only one thing left to do now, something she must do. For the first time she would completely disobey Glorfindel, and all the hopes everyone had put on her. It would be the only way to redeem herself, and hopefully save others.

“I know what I should do now.”

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Elrond brushed Arwen’s forehead gently with a cloth, wiping the sweat she produced in her fever. The poison from her wounds had been taken care of, and she would be awaking in a few days, but as a father Elrond still worried for his child. He had heard everything from Elladan and Elrohir, who were in turn told by Glorfindel in Varilerin’s stead, and realized that the one most impacted by the incident was not Arwen or him, but Varilerin. Elrond feared her future actions would be affected from now on. The elleth seemed strong and firm from the outside, but he knew that she was also sensitive in ways none could understand. It made him protective over her, although he knew he shouldn’t have.

A gust of wind rushed into the chambers and Elrond felt a presence approaching into the room. He rose to his feet and turned to face weary silver eyes looking at him. Varilerin was standing like a statue in front of the door, cladded in black cloak and carrying her battle equipments. Elrond was surprised of her appearance, particularly regarding her hair. She had cut it short, too short for the Elvish standards, and tied it into a low ponytail.

“My Lord,” Varilerin bowed to him. “Forgive for my failure,” she spoke before Elrond could respond to her greeting. Elrond frowned.

“I have, Child, but I am afraid that you’ve not to yourself,” he told her.

“Indeed, and I might never be,” she replied. Her expression was straight and indiscernible, which caused Elrond slightly uneasy to look straight into her silver eyes. “I have failed to protect her, yet I arrived here unscathed. It is an unforgivable failure and unforgettable.”

“Times are dark, Varilerin, and for that you should not blame yourself. Fate has chosen this path for you, not because of your own decision. I am angered, yes, but saddened to see you losing so much of yourself as well.”

“And I appreciate your forgiveness, but forgive me once more for not being able to accept my own fate,” she told him as she looked at Arwen. “I cannot rest, My Lord and thus I am going to do my duties to protect you and Arwen. Please tell me I am truly sorry if I am not here when she awakes.”

“I understand, Varilerin,” Elrond nodded as she watched her bowing down. He knew his words would be in vain for her stone heart, but still hoped that she would forgive herself nevertheless. Varilerin slowly closed the door of the room and faced the dark corridors. She felt a presence hiding among the shadows, someone powerful and wise.

“Gandalf,” she said. The old wizard silently emerged from his hiding place and looked at Varilerin sadly. Varilerin frowned and turned her face away from the wizard. He knows, she thought.

“You are really leaving, Dear?” Gandalf asked pitifully. Varilerin nodded hesitantly and looked at the floor.

“I cannot stay here, not when all these poor events have happened. I have lived long enough to realize that… I cannot protect those I want to protect by standing next to them. No, it is not possible. It only create poor fates for those around me,” Varilerin explained. “And nor should I stay here, idly waiting the enemies to come and hurt my friends once more.”

“Then it is a pity,” she heard Gandalf saying as he leaned to his staff. “We have just met and befriend each other, and now you are leaving me. I am slightly hurt.”

Varilerin forced a faint smile when she heard the wizard’s remark. “I am grateful to befriend you, Gandalf, for you are a sincere being, but I must leave for exile, never to return. I might live up to my name better if I were to watch you all from the shadows and unnoticed. I will, however, give aid whenever my friends need me, anytime and anywhere I am.”

She paused, looking utterly saddened after saying such words. “Then how can we find you when you are hiding among the shadows, Dear?” asked Gandalf slowly.

“The birds are quite fond of me,” Varilerin said. Gandalf looked as confused as she had expected and she merely smirked. “You are truly a strange folk, Gandalf. Never have I known someone that I trust in such a short time. I hope our friendship will last longer than the trees in Rivendell.”

“And may our next meeting be in a better circumstance than this,” Gandalf told her. She nodded in agreement and rummaged something from her pocket.

“Please give this to Lord Elrond,” she said as she handed Gandalf a small envelope. Gandalf received it and observed it in curiosity. “It is a farewell message I cannot utter directly.”

“I will give it to him surely.”

“Farewell, Gandalf, may the stars bless our own paths,” she said as she pulled her hood. She bowed lastly to Gandalf before she walked slowly to the woods, never to return again to Rivendell.

“The Valar will surely bless you, Dear,” Gandalf muttered as her turned to the healing chamber. He opened the door slowly, not wanting to surprise Elrond whose anxiety was enough to make his heart stop beating. Elrond questioned Gandalf through his mere gaze. Gandalf coughed and handed Elrond Varilerin’s message without speaking.

Elrond received the message, cladded in a clean white envelope, and observed it suspiciously. “Who sends this message?”

“Open it and you shall see by yourself, Master Elrond,” Gandalf suggested. Elrond glanced briefly at Gandalf before opening the envelope carefully. He took the single brown paper folded inside it and opened it gently. His questions were soon answered when he saw the handwriting engraved on the paper, and the message inside it.

My Lord Elrond,

It is my deepest apology to tell you this not directly. For years I’ve dwelled in Rivendell under your care and protection, and for years have I protected it with my soul, but circumstances seemed to enlighten me about the true meaning of my presence here. Dangers have always loved and encircled me, bringing harm to those whom I have sworn to protect. It was after the recent events did I realize that my efforts in protecting Rivendell side by side with its people have caused nothing but harm. My ignorance for this have caused Arwen to be left in the brink of death, and deaths of those close to me.

Therefore, I shall not remain in Rivendell any longer. I will never withstand seeing Lady Arwen once more, for the guilt is for mine to bear alone. I have chosen to protect you all from the shadows of the falling world. Please utter my deepest apologies to Lady Arwen, for now I will never have the worth to stand in front of them again.

If, by any means you attempted to search for me, don’t. You shall never find me nor will I find you for help, as shadow won’t reveal itself to the day. Forget me, if possible, but I shall never forget my kin, and will help when help is dire. However, I shall not come as Varilerin of Rivendell, but an exiled ranger. If the Valar declares, I shall meet you once more, and I hope that by that time my sins would have been atoned.

Varilerin.

The letter dropped from Elrond’s hands. He looked at Gandalf with his widened eyes, not believing what he had just read. Gandalf only nodded sadly as an answer.

“I cannot believe this,” Elrond said. He noticed Glorfindel arriving at the doorstep, holding a similar letter in his hand. His breathing was heavy and irregular, and he looked at Elrond with the same look the Elven Lord was giving.

“She’s left us,” Elrond said to reconfirm Glorfindel’s suspicions. Glorfindel looked disheartened and took Elrond’s message from the floor.

“One of the greatest warriors of Rivendell has left us, to atone for sins that she doesn’t commit,” Gandalf spoke. “It is the path she has chosen and we cannot prevent her. She must walk her path alone.”

“Varilerin…. She has taken too much guilt to bear by herself… I have told her that it is not her fault,” Glorfindel said sadly. “I should have known her…. After so many years, where have I gone?”

“It is her decision, Master Elrond and Master Glorfindel. You cannot prevent her from leaving,” Gandalf said. “But it might be the best for her, for it is the path that the Valar provided for her. I believe that this will not be in vain, for us and for Varilerin.”

Deafening silence took over the three as they tried to accept the cruel truth Varilerin was presenting them. Glorfindel huffed in disbelief, for he had lost his only star in Rivendell.

“The only thing we can do is to pray for her now,” Gandalf told them. “I believe that we will meet her again, though maybe not for long.”

“May she be safe in her journeys from now on,” Glorfindel prayed quietly to the stars. They watched over the elleth passing the borders of Imladris, unnoticed and slowly forgotten throughout the years that would come to pass.