CHAPTER FIVE: (Part 2) WHEN INFLUENCE STARTED TO SOUND LIKE FREEDOM
1135 Words
The next few days were much the same for Prisca.
She woke up at the time every day.
She wore her school uniform like she always did.
She sat in class. Pretended to listen to her teachers.
She went home when the school bell rang.
Something was different.
Prisca did not feel like she was really living her life.
It felt like she was watching herself from outside her body.
Her body was doing all the things but her mind was not really there.
The weird thing was that Prisca could not figure out when this started happening.
Neither could anyone else.
Diamond was the person to notice that something was different about Prisca.
She always noticed these things.
One afternoon Diamond walked with Prisca after school.
She seemed excited about something.
"I met some people yesterday " she said.
Prisca looked at her. "What people?"
Diamond just smiled. " Some friends I met."
Pina, who was walking behind them looked worried.
"What kind of friends?" she asked.
Diamond told her to relax.
"Not everything is a problem " she said.
Prisca did not say anything.
She was listening to what Diamond was saying.
Diamond started talking in a voice like she was sharing a secret.
"These people do not think much about life " she said. "They just live it."
That sentence stuck in Priscas mind for a time.
They just live it.
Prisca was not really sure what that meant anymore.
Lately thinking about things had become really hard.
Living her life had become really confusing.
When Prisca got home that evening her Uncle Samuel was waiting for her.
He had started watching her closely trying to understand what was going on with her.
"You have been going out a lot lately " he said.
Prisca dropped her school bag. "I just go to school " she said.
Uncle Samuel shook his head.
"It is more than school " he said.
Prisca stopped for a moment.
Then she said, "I am not doing anything "
Uncle Samuel looked at her for a time.
Then he said something that made Prisca think.
"Wrong is not always what hurts people " he said. "Sometimes it is what seems normal. It is actually changing them."
Prisca did not say anything.
She did not know how to respond to what her uncle said.
That night Prisca lay in bed staring at the ceiling.
Her thoughts were moving slowly.
She was not feeling panicked or sad.
She was just feeling really unsure.
She kept thinking about what Diamond said.
They do not think much about life.
Prisca turned on her side.
Thinking about things used to mean that she cared.
Now it just felt like a lot of pressure.
Prisca started to wonder if Diamond might be right about something.
Not everything,. Something.
The afternoon Diamond did not go straight home after school.
She waited at the gate looking like she was waiting for something.
Pina noticed first. "You are not going home?" she asked.
Diamond smiled. "Not yet " she said.
Prisca looked at her. "Why not?"
Diamond just shrugged. "Come with me for a bit " she said.
Pina said no away. "We should go home " she said.
Diamond sighed. "You are always afraid of something " she said.
Prisca did not say anything.
She did not leave either.
Her silence meant that she had made a decision.
They walked through the city again.
This time Prisca felt like she was seeing things differently.
The city did not feel as unfamiliar as it used to.
The noise was not overwhelming her much.
The movement was not confusing her much.
It felt like she was getting used to it.
Diamond noticed that Prisca was being really quiet.
"You are getting used to it " she said.
Prisca looked at her. "Used to what?"
Diamond said, "Life outside of school."
Prisca did not say anything.
Something inside of her was starting to change.
They stopped at the place where they had met people before.
This time Diamond joined in the conversations away.
She was. Talking like she belonged.
Pina stood nearby looking uncomfortable.
Prisca stayed a little apart from the group.
She was not as far away as she used to be.
She was close enough to hear what people were saying.
She was close enough to be noticed.
She was close enough to join if she wanted to.
She did not join in yet.
At some point Diamond called Prisca over.
"Come here, " she said.
Prisca hesitated for a moment.
Then she walked closer.
Some people looked at her. They were not mean.
They were just curious.
Diamond introduced Prisca to the group.
"This is Prisca, " she said.
That was all she said.
For some reason it was enough.
Prisca did not know why.
She stayed with the group.
that evening Pina finally spoke up.
"You are changing " she said.
Prisca looked at her. "Everyone changes " she said.
Pina shook her head. "Not like this " she said.
Diamond interrupted. "Why are you acting like Prisca is doing something "
Pina looked at Diamond. "Because I do not understand what is going on " she said.
Diamond just shrugged. "It is life " she said.
Prisca walked between them listening.
She was not trying to fix the argument.
She was just listening.
When Prisca got home Uncle Samuel noticed that something was different about her again.
It was not what she said.
It was the way she was.
She was not as distant as she used to be.
She was not fully there either.
It was like she had found a ground between who she used to be and who she was becoming.
"You went out with Diamond again " he said.
Prisca nodded.
"Did you have fun?" he asked.
Prisca stopped for a moment.
The question was simple.
The answer was not.
Finally she said, "I do not feel anything."
That answer made Uncle Samuel quiet for a moment.
It was not sadness.
It was not happiness.
It was nothing.
That night Prisca lay in bed again.
She was not thinking about her parents as much as she used to.
It was like a memory that would visit her sometimes.
It did not stay for long.
Instead she was thinking about Diamond.
The city.
The places she had been seeing.
The feeling of not being asked too many questions.
Slowly something, inside of her started to let go of the past.
It was not healing.
It was not forgetting.
It was just letting go.
Prisca whispered to herself in the dark.
"I do not know who I am becoming."
For the first time the silence did not answer back with pain.
It just answered with nothing.
Somehow that felt even scarier.
- Writer
