The Queen Of Gods

Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

The goddess of dance and joy? I remember when you came into being. There was nothing serious about you.

No matter how many times I tried to push them away, Atum's words kept spinning around in my head. The worst thing was that he was right. I was nothing more than a goddess of flippant things that no one cared about. Why had Ma'at even bothered to send me? She should have sent Sekhmet instead. At least she had a fearsome reputation. No one would fail to take her seriously.

I hugged my legs closer to me as I stared out into the small lake which sat at the centre of the oasis. A light breeze came up from it, ruffling my hair and giving me a break from the harsh heat of the dessert I'd walked through to get here. Thankfully, it hadn't been a long walk between the mountain and here, so I hadn't had to put up with the baking sands for long.

Birds skimmed the surface of the water, diving for fish and insects, feeding themselves and going about their lives as if there was nothing more to worry about in life.

It was as peaceful as I remembered. I had no idea why no one came here, or why some humans hadn't found it and turned it into a settlement. Perhaps it was too close to Atum's mountain, and his protection charms scared them off. I'd never know. But that didn't detract from the beauty. If anything, it only increased it.

"This place is beautiful, isn't it?" a familiar voice said.

I let go of my knees so I could twist around and look at the familiar figure of Amun leaning against a tree.

I scrambled to my feet, not wanting to be on unequal terms with him.

"What are you doing here?"

"You touched the ankh and thought about me." He shrugged. "So I came. That was the whole point."

"Oh." Was there a good way to explain that it had been an accident? No. I didn't think so. Which meant I had to use this opportunity to try and bring him around. It couldn't go worse than my attempt with Atum, so I might as well.

"Have you been crying?" he asked.

"No," I denied, the word slipping out far too quickly to be believable. "Yes. I needed somewhere private, so this is where I came. How did you know I was here?"

He chuckled. "I thought well enough ahead to make part of the enchantment a homing device so I'd know where to find you."

"You had it specially made?" I pulled the ankh from my pocket and turned it over in my hand a couple of times, trying to make out if there was anything unusual about it. Other than whatever enchantment he'd put on it.

"Yes."

"Why an ankh?" The symbol for life was common enough, and often associated with both of us. But that wasn't something unique we shared. Most of the gods and goddesses held ankhs in traditional drawings. Unless they were like Ptah or Osiris and not technically alive in the normal sense of the word.

"It seemed appropriate." He pushed away from the tree and began to move towards me. "What upset you?"

Should I tell him? If he was going to help us, then I supposed he'd find out about Atum eventually.

"I went to visit Atum, and he said some things."

"That was a bad idea," he observed.

"Going to visit him?"

He nodded.

"I had no choice," I admitted. I stuck the ankh back in my pocket, not wanting to lose it in the undergrowth.

A scowl passed over Amun's face, but he smoothed it away within moments. "What did he say to you?"

"That I was nothing more than a petty goddess and no one could ever take me seriously," I muttered under my breath.

To my surprise, Amun's spluttered laughter broke through my embarrassment.

"It's not funny. It's true." I crossed my arms and glared at him, trying to show my displeasure in the most obvious way possible.

"Of course it isn't true. You're one of the most important goddesses who ever existed."

"That's not true at all," I countered.

"Come with me." He held out his hand.

I frowned. Why was he changing the subject so quickly? And what did he have in mind? A large part of me did want to take his hand, but was it the wisest thing to do?

Then again, no one was here to judge me. I reached out and clasped my hand around his. It felt oddly reassuring to hold hands with Amun, as if this was something that was meant to be.

I pushed that thought aside. There was no such thing as soulmates, just people who fit together, and those who didn't. Or perhaps that was something I was telling myself so I didn't dwell on the fact I had no one to share my life with.

He pulled me through the trees and towards the lake. I hadn't gone too close in the past, not knowing whether or not there'd be crocodiles. I knew it was silly of me to be scared of something that couldn't hurt me, but I hated the way their large jaws cracked when they bit down on something, and always envisaged my arm trapped between their white pearly teeth.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see." He tugged me down to a small rocky ledge next to the lake, then let go of my hand. He climbed down and hung his legs over the side, then gestured for me to do the same.

I frowned, confused by what he was up to, but going along with it despite that. There was something reassuring about being with him. Like I knew I'd be safe if I stayed near him and didn't think too deeply about anything.

Once I'd settled onto the rocky edge, he shuffled closer. Our legs were within touching distance of one another, but not quite there. As if both of us knew that at some point, there'd be no going back on the attraction between us. But I wasn't ready for this to become physical. I'd long since grown tired of s*x without emotions, and I had no intention of changing my view on it, even for him.

"Look down into the water," he said.

I frowned, but did as he said anyway. The water glittered, and my reflection stared back at me. I still looked beautiful, despite the puffy eyes from crying and the odd twig caught in my hair.

"I don't think I understand," I admitted.

"You think of yourself as nothing more than your aspects. But really, you're more than that. Each part of you adds to the others, it doesn't take from them. You are the goddess of dance and joy, you always have been. And there's a part of you that isn't serious, that likes the good things in life, and those that bring nothing but happiness. But that isn't all you are. You're the goddess of motherhood, which gives you the ability to understand true joy, but also true pain. It makes you protective, and nurturing. And you're the goddess of queens. You'd do anything for your people, whether they demand it of you or not. You understand what it takes to lead, what it means to show compassion. You're all those things, Hathor. And you're more than that too."

I sat in silence, letting his words sink in. Did he really think I was all of that? It made no sense. We hadn't spent any time together.

"You don't even know me," I pointed out.

"Exactly," he countered. "I don't know you yet, but I know of you. And that everything I've said and more is true. You're the goddess of all those things, and more. They're parts of you, but they're not you. If Atum is claiming that you're never going to be taken seriously, then he's stuck in the past and hasn't considered that people change over time. They grow."

"You're very astute."

"I had to do something after Waset ceased to be." He shrugged, but I could tell it was to cover up how he was really feeling. "And I do want to get to know you."

I chuckled. "Fine, what did you want to know?"

"Why do you have a pet snake?" he asked.

"She was a present from a High Priestess, and she's a magical snake who doesn't die, as far as I'm aware. What else was I supposed to do with her?" Though that didn't sum up my affection for Ura.

"Fair."

"Do you have any pets?"

"No," Amun answered. "I used to have a monkey, but he died and I never really moved past it. An immortal snake would be a definite step up."

"You can visit Ura, until you find one of your own, if you want?" I suggested.

A smile lit up his face. "I'd like that, if that's okay?"

I nodded. "Next question?"

"What's your favourite colour?"

"Turquoise."

"Isn't that a bit on the nose?" he teased.

"You mean because the humans tend to paint me in a red or turquoise dress?" I checked. "I suppose so. But I have no idea which came first. Perhaps I like the colour because it was used for me, or it was used for me because I like it. I've never spent much time thinking about it. What's yours?"

"Beige."

I smothered a laugh. "What?"

"Like yellow-y beige. The colour of the stone and sand. It makes me feel at home," Amun explained.

"I get that. There is something comforting about it."

We carried on our back and forth, talking of everything and nothing at the same time. I had no idea how much time passed, or when I stopped feeling sad over what Atum had said to me. What I did know was that Amun made me feel more comfortable, far more quickly than anyone else ever had. Even Khonsu, though the way I felt towards the two men was vastly different.

As the day turned into night, I found myself shuffling closer to Amun for warmth. He put an arm around me, pulling me closer, but not once did he act like he expected more, even though I could tell he wanted it. The situation was confusing, and beautiful at the same time. And one I would cherish for a long time.