let's time to build our habits

Part 4 untold story which help to build your habits

THE TWO-STEP PROCESS TO CHANGING YOUR IDENTITY

Your identity emerges out of your habits. You are not born with preset beliefs.

Every belief, including those about yourself, is learned and conditioned through

experience.*

More precisely, your habits are how you embody your identity. When you

make your bed each day, you embody the identity of an organized person. When

you write each day, you embody the identity of a creative person. When you

train each day, you embody the identity of an athletic person.

The more you repeat a behavior, the more you reinforce the identity

associated with that behavior. In fact, the word identity was originally derived

from the Latin words essentitas, which means being, and identidem, which

means repeatedly. Your identity is literally your “repeated beingness.”

Whatever your identity is right now, you only believe it because you have

proof of it. If you go to church every Sunday for twenty years, you have

evidence that you are religious. If you study biology for one hour every night,

you have evidence that you are studious. If you go to the gym even when it’s

snowing, you have evidence that you are committed to fitness. The more

evidence you have for a belief, the more strongly you will believe it.

For most of my early life, I didn’t consider myself a writer. If you were to ask

any of my high school teachers or college professors, they would tell you I was

an average writer at best: certainly not a standout. When I began my writing

career, I published a new article every Monday and Thursday for the first few

years. As the evidence grew, so did my identity as a writer. I didn’t start out as a

writer. I became one through my habits.

Of course, your habits are not the only actions that influence your identity, but

by virtue of their frequency they are usually the most important ones. Each

experience in life modifies your self-image, but it’s unlikely you would consider

yourself a soccer player because you kicked a ball once or an artist because you

scribbled a picture. As you repeat these actions, however, the evidence

accumulates and your self-image begins to change. The effect of one-off

experiences tends to fade away while the effect of habits gets reinforced with

time, which means your habits contribute most of the evidence that shapes your

identity. In this way, the process of building habits is actually the process of

becoming yourself.

This is a gradual evolution. We do not change by snapping our fingers and

deciding to be someone entirely new. We change bit by bit, day by day, habit by

habit. We are continually undergoing microevolutions of the self.

Each habit is like a suggestion: “Hey, maybe this is who I am.” If you finish a

book, then perhaps you are the type of person who likes reading. If you go to the

gym, then perhaps you are the type of person who likes exercise. If you practice

playing the guitar, perhaps you are the type of person who likes music.

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No

single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does theevidence of your new identity. This is one reason why meaningful change does

not require radical change. Small habits can make a meaningful difference by

providing evidence of a new identity. And if a change is meaningful, it actually

is big. That’s the paradox of making small improvements.

Putting this all together, you can see that habits are the path to changing your

identity. The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you

do.

Each time you write a page, you are a writer.

Each time you practice the violin, you are a musician.

Each time you start a workout, you are an athlete.

Each time you encourage your employees, you are a leader.

Each habit not only gets results but also teaches you something far more

important: to trust yourself. You start to believe you can actually accomplish

these things. When the votes mount up and the evidence begins to change, the

story you tell yourself begins to change as well.

Of course, it works the opposite way, too. Every time you choose to perform a

bad habit, it’s a vote for that identity. The good news is that you don’t need to be

perfect. In any election, there are going to be votes for both sides. You don’t

need a unanimous vote to win an election; you just need a majority. It doesn’t

matter if you cast a few votes for a bad behavior or an unproductive habit. Your

goal is simply to win the majority of the time.

New identities require new evidence. If you keep casting the same votes

you’ve always cast, you’re going to get the same results you’ve always had. If

nothing changes, nothing is going to change.

It is a simple two-step process:

1. Decide the type of person you want to be.

2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.

First, decide who you want to be. This holds at any level—as an individual, as

a team, as a community, as a nation. What do you want to stand for? What are

your principles and values? Who do you wish to become?

These are big questions, and many people aren’t sure where to begin—but

they do know what kind of results they want: to get six-pack abs or to feel lessanxious or to double their salary. That’s fine. Start there and work backward

from the results you want to the type of person who could get those results. Ask

yourself, “Who is the type of person that could get the outcome I want?” Who is

the type of person that could lose forty pounds? Who is the type of person that

could learn a new language? Who is the type of person that could run a

successful start-up?

For example, “Who is the type of person who could write a book?” It’s

probably someone who is consistent and reliable. Now your focus shifts from

writing a book (outcome-based) to being the type of person who is consistent

and reliable (identity-based).

This process can lead to beliefs like:

“I’m the kind of teacher who stands up for her students.”

“I’m the kind of doctor who gives each patient the time and empathy

they need.”

“I’m the kind of manager who advocates for her employees.”

Once you have a handle on the type of person you want to be, you can begin

taking small steps to reinforce your desired identity. I have a friend who lost

over 100 pounds by asking herself, “What would a healthy person do?” All day

long, she would use this question as a guide. Would a healthy person walk or

take a cab? Would a healthy person order a burrito or a salad? She figured if she

acted like a healthy person long enough, eventually she would become that

person. She was right.

The concept of identity-based habits is our first introduction to another key

theme in this book: feedback loops. Your habits shape your identity, and your

identity shapes your habits. It’s a two-way street. The formation of all habits is a

feedback loop (a concept we will explore in depth in the next chapter), but it’s

important to let your values, principles, and identity drive the loop rather than

your results. The focus should always be on becoming that type of person, not

getting a particular outcome.

THE REAL REASON HABITS MATTER

Identity change is the North Star of habit change. The remainder of this book

will provide you with step-by-step instructions on how to build better habits in

yourself, your family, your team, your company, and anywhere else you wish.But the true question is: “Are you becoming the type of person you want to

become?” The first step is not what or how, but who. You need to know who you

want to be. Otherwise, your quest for change is like a boat without a rudder. And

that’s why we are starting here.

You have the power to change your beliefs about yourself. Your identity is not

set in stone. You have a choice in every moment. You can choose the identity

you want to reinforce today with the habits you choose today. And this brings us

to the deeper purpose of this book and the real reason habits matter.

Building better habits isn’t about littering your day with life hacks. It’s not

about flossing one tooth each night or taking a cold shower each morning or

wearing the same outfit each day. It’s not about achieving external measures of

success like earning more money, losing weight, or reducing stress. Habits can

help you achieve all of these things, but fundamentally they are not about having

something. They are about becoming someone.

Ultimately, your habits matter because they help you become the type of

person you wish to be. They are the channel through which you develop your

deepest beliefs about yourself. Quite literally, you become your habits.But the true question is: “Are you becoming the type of person you want to

become?” The first step is not what or how, but who. You need to know who you

want to be. Otherwise, your quest for change is like a boat without a rudder. And

that’s why we are starting here.

You have the power to change your beliefs about yourself. Your identity is not

set in stone. You have a choice in every moment. You can choose the identity

you want to reinforce today with the habits you choose today. And this brings us

to the deeper purpose of this book and the real reason habits matter.

Building better habits isn’t about littering your day with life hacks. It’s not

about flossing one tooth each night or taking a cold shower each morning or

wearing the same outfit each day. It’s not about achieving external measures of

success like earning more money, losing weight, or reducing stress. Habits can

help you achieve all of these things, but fundamentally they are not about having

something. They are about becoming someone.

Ultimately, your habits matter because they help you become the type of

person you wish to be. They are the channel through which you develop your

deepest beliefs about yourself. Quite literally, you become your habits.

3

How to Build Better Habits in 4 Simple Steps

IN 1898, A psychologist named Edward Thorndike conducted an experiment that

would lay the foundation for our understanding of how habits form and the rules

that guide our behavior. Thorndike was interested in studying the behavior of

animals, and he started by working with cats.

He would place each cat inside a device known as a puzzle box. The box was

designed so that the cat could escape through a door “by some simple act, such

as pulling at a loop of cord, pressing a lever, or stepping on a platform.” For

example, one box contained a lever that, when pressed, would open a door on

the side of the box. Once the door had been opened, the cat could dart out and

run over to a bowl of food.

Most cats wanted to escape as soon as they were placed inside the box. They

would poke their nose into the corners, stick their paws through openings, and

claw at loose objects. After a few minutes of exploration, the cats would happen

to press the magical lever, the door would open, and they would escape.

Thorndike tracked the behavior of each cat across many trials. In the

beginning, the animals moved around the box at random. But as soon as the

lever had been pressed and the door opened, the process of learning began.

Gradually, each cat learned to associate the action of pressing the lever with the

reward of escaping the box and getting to the food.

After twenty to thirty trials, this behavior became so automatic and habitual

that the cat could escape within a few seconds. For example, Thorndike noted,

“Cat 12 took the following times to perform the act. 160 seconds, 30 seconds, 90

seconds, 60, 15, 28, 20, 30, 22, 11, 15, 20, 12, 10, 14, 10, 8, 8, 5, 10, 8, 6, 6, 7.”

During the first three trials, the cat escaped in an average of 1.5 minutes.

During the last three trials, it escaped in an average of 6.3 seconds. With

practice, each cat made fewer errors and their actions became quicker and more

automatic. Rather than repeat the same mistakes, the cat began to cut straight tothe solution.

From his studies, Thorndike described the learning process by stating,

“behaviors followed by satisfying consequences tend to be repeated and those

that produce unpleasant consequences are less likely to be repeated.” His work

provides the perfect starting point for discussing how habits form in our own

lives. It also provides answers to some fundamental questions like: What are

habits? And why does the brain bother building them at all?

WHY YOUR BRAIN BUILDS HABITS

A habit is a behavior that has been repeated enough times to become automatic.

The process of habit formation begins with trial and error. Whenever you

encounter a new situation in life, your brain has to make a decision. How do I

respond to this? The first time you come across a problem, you’re not sure how

to solve it. Like Thorndike’s cat, you’re just trying things out to see what works.

Neurological activity in the brain is high during this period. You are carefully

analyzing the situation and making conscious decisions about how to act. You’re

taking in tons of new information and trying to make sense of it all. The brain is

busy learning the most effective course of action.

Occasionally, like a cat pressing on a lever, you stumble across a solution.

You’re feeling anxious, and you discover that going for a run calms you down.

You’re mentally exhausted from a long day of work, and you learn that playing

video games relaxes you. You’re exploring, exploring, exploring, and then—

BAM—a reward.

After you stumble upon an unexpected reward, you alter your strategy for next

time. Your brain immediately begins to catalog the events that preceded the

reward. Wait a minute—that felt good. What did I do right before that?

This is the feedback loop behind all human behavior: try, fail, learn, try

differently. With practice, the useless movements fade away and the useful

actions get reinforced. That’s a habit forming.

Whenever you face a problem repeatedly, your brain begins to automate the

process of solving it. Your habits are just a series of automatic solutions that

solve the problems and stresses you face regularly. As behavioral scientist Jason

Hreha writes, “Habits are, simply, reliable solutions to recurring problems in our

environment.”

As habits are created, the level of activity in the brain decreases. You learn to

lock in on the cues that predict success and tune out everything else. When a

similar situation arises in the future, you know exactly what to look for. There isno longer a need to analyze every angle of a situation. Your brain skips the

process of trial and error and creates a mental rule: if this, then that. These

cognitive scripts can be followed automatically whenever the situation is

appropriate. Now, whenever you feel stressed, you get the itch to run. As soon as

you walk in the door from work, you grab the video game controller. A choice

that once required effort is now automatic. A habit has been created.

Habits are mental shortcuts learned from experience. In a sense, a habit is just

a memory of the steps you previously followed to solve a problem in the past.

Whenever the conditions are right, you can draw on this memory and

automatically apply the same solution. The primary reason the brain remembers

the past is to better predict what will work in the future.

Habit formation is incredibly useful because the conscious mind is the

bottleneck of the brain. It can only pay attention to one problem at a time. As a

result, your brain is always working to preserve your conscious attention for

whatever task is most essential. Whenever possible, the conscious mind likes to

pawn off tasks to the nonconscious mind to do automatically. This is precisely

what happens when a habit is formed. Habits reduce cognitive load and free up

mental capacity, so you can allocate your attention to other tasks.

Despite their efficiency, some people still wonder about the benefits of habits.

The argument goes like this: “Will habits make my life dull? I don’t want to

pigeonhole myself into a lifestyle I don’t enjoy. Doesn’t so much routine take

away the vibrancy and spontaneity of life?” Hardly. Such questions set up a false

dichotomy. They make you think that you have to choose between building

habits and attaining freedom. In reality, the two complement each other.

Habits do not restrict freedom. They create it. In fact, the people who don’t

have their habits handled are often the ones with the least amount of freedom.

Without good financial habits, you will always be struggling for the next dollar.

Without good health habits, you will always seem to be short on energy. Without

good learning habits, you will always feel like you’re behind the curve. If you’re

always being forced to make decisions about simple tasks—when should I work

out, where do I go to write, when do I pay the bills—then you have less time for

freedom. It’s only by making the fundamentals of life easier that you can create

the mental space needed for free thinking and creativity.

Conversely, when you have your habits dialed in and the basics of life are

handled and done, your mind is free to focus on new challenges and master the

next set of problems. Building habits in the present allows you to do more of

what you want in the future.

no longer a need to analyze every angle of a situation. Your brain skips the

process of trial and error and creates a mental rule: if this, then that. These

cognitive scripts can be followed automatically whenever the situation is

appropriate. Now, whenever you feel stressed, you get the itch to run. As soon as

you walk in the door from work, you grab the video game controller. A choice

that once required effort is now automatic. A habit has been created.

Habits are mental shortcuts learned from experience. In a sense, a habit is just

a memory of the steps you previously followed to solve a problem in the past.

Whenever the conditions are right, you can draw on this memory and

automatically apply the same solution. The primary reason the brain remembers

the past is to better predict what will work in the future.

Habit formation is incredibly useful because the conscious mind is the

bottleneck of the brain. It can only pay attention to one problem at a time. As a

result, your brain is always working to preserve your conscious attention for

whatever task is most essential. Whenever possible, the conscious mind likes to

pawn off tasks to the nonconscious mind to do automatically. This is precisely

what happens when a habit is formed. Habits reduce cognitive load and free up

mental capacity, so you can allocate your attention to other tasks.

Despite their efficiency, some people still wonder about the benefits of habits.

The argument goes like this: “Will habits make my life dull? I don’t want to

pigeonhole myself into a lifestyle I don’t enjoy. Doesn’t so much routine take

away the vibrancy and spontaneity of life?” Hardly. Such questions set up a false

dichotomy. They make you think that you have to choose between building

habits and attaining freedom. In reality, the two complement each other.

Habits do not restrict freedom. They create it. In fact, the people who don’t

have their habits handled are often the ones with the least amount of freedom.

Without good financial habits, you will always be struggling for the next dollar.

Without good health habits, you will always seem to be short on energy. Without

good learning habits, you will always feel like you’re behind the curve. If you’re

always being forced to make decisions about simple tasks—when should I work

out, where do I go to write, when do I pay the bills—then you have less time for

freedom. It’s only by making the fundamentals of life easier that you can create

the mental space needed for free thinking and creativity.

Conversely, when you have your habits dialed in and the basics of life are

handled and done, your mind is free to focus on new challenges and master the

next set of problems. Building habits in the present allows you to do more of

what you want in the future.

THE SCIENCE OF HOW HABITS WORK

The process of building a habit can be divided into four simple steps: cue,

craving, response, and reward.* Breaking it down into these fundamental parts

can help us understand what a habit is, how it works, and how to improve it.

FIGURE 5: All habits proceed through four stages in the same order: cue, craving, response, and reward.

This four-step pattern is the backbone of every habit, and your brain runs

through these steps in the same order each time.

First, there is the cue. The cue triggers your brain to initiate a behavior. It is a

bit of information that predicts a reward. Our prehistoric ancestors were paying

attention to cues that signaled the location of primary rewards like food, water,

and s*x. Today, we spend most of our time learning cues that predict secondary

rewards like money and fame, power and status, praise and approval, love and

friendship, or a sense of personal satisfaction. (Of course, these pursuits also

indirectly improve our odds of survival and reproduction, which is the deeper

motive behind everything we do.)

Your mind is continuously analyzing your internal and external environment

for hints of where rewards are located. Because the cue is the first indication that

we’re close to a reward, it naturally leads to a craving.

Cravings are the second step, and they are the motivational force behind every

habit. Without some level of motivation or desire—without craving a change—

we have no reason to act. What you crave is not the habit itself but the change in

state it delivers. You do not crave smoking a cigarette, you crave the feeling of

relief it provides. You are not motivated by brushing your teeth but rather by the

feeling of a clean mouth. You do not want to turn on the television, you want to

be entertained. Every craving is linked to a desire to change your internal state.

This is an important point that we will discuss in detail later.

Cravings differ from person to person. In theory, any piece of information

could trigger a craving, but in practice, people are not motivated by the same

cues. For a gambler, the sound of slot machines can be a potent trigger thatsparks an intense wave of desire. For someone who rarely gambles, the jingles

and chimes of the casino are just background noise. Cues are meaningless until

they are interpreted. The thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the observer are

what transform a cue into a craving.

The third step is the response. The response is the actual habit you perform,

which can take the form of a thought or an action. Whether a response occurs

depends on how motivated you are and how much friction is associated with the

behavior. If a particular action requires more physical or mental effort than you

are willing to expend, then you won’t do it. Your response also depends on your

ability. It sounds simple, but a habit can occur only if you are capable of doing

it. If you want to dunk a basketball but can’t jump high enough to reach the

hoop, well, you’re out of luck.

Finally, the response delivers a reward. Rewards are the end goal of every

habit. The cue is about noticing the reward. The craving is about wanting the

reward. The response is about obtaining the reward. We chase rewards because

they serve two purposes: (1) they satisfy us and (2) they teach us.

The first purpose of rewards is to satisfy your craving. Yes, rewards provide

benefits on their own. Food and water deliver the energy you need to survive.

Getting a promotion brings more money and respect. Getting in shape improves

your health and your dating prospects. But the more immediate benefit is that

rewards satisfy your craving to eat or to gain status or to win approval. At least

for a moment, rewards deliver contentment and relief from craving.

Second, rewards teach us which actions are worth remembering in the future.

Your brain is a reward detector. As you go about your life, your sensory nervous

system is continuously monitoring which actions satisfy your desires and deliver

pleasure. Feelings of pleasure and disappointment are part of the feedback

mechanism that helps your brain distinguish useful actions from useless ones.

Rewards close the feedback loop and complete the habit cycle.

If a behavior is insufficient in any of the four stages, it will not become a

habit. Eliminate the cue and your habit will never start. Reduce the craving and

you won’t experience enough motivation to act. Make the behavior difficult and

you won’t be able to do it. And if the reward fails to satisfy your desire, then

you’ll have no reason to do it again in the future. Without the first three steps, a

behavior will not occur. Without all four, a behavior will not be repeated.

To be continued in part 5