The Sinful Bond

Obsessed

Once again after his desperate begging, I give in to his needy whimpering. And he falls asleep in my lap like a purring kitten. I feel I have him dangerously wrapped around my little finger already.

Once the speed wears off I drift to a place that’s not really sleep but not really awake either, I spend most nights there. I still feel the weight of James, the ticking of the clock, the dripping faucet.

Flashes of my childhood pop into frame, this is why nobody can love me, and I can’t love them. The scars on my belly burn as if I’m right there, reliving the moment. I hear my child version of myself screaming, begging for her to stop.

No, f**k that. Never again, never again will I be the one begging. That’s why I have to break them, make them beg and plead like I’m a necessity similar to oxygen.

I already have James drooling at the thought of me, I’ve already sucked him in. It won’t be long before I ruin him as well. My pretty Jamesy Boy.

Eventually I faded out into a deep slumber and didn’t wake until I felt James covering my nakedness with a blanket and turning my shower on.

I wrap myself in the blanket and head to the window for a smoke, loosing myself in the smog that floods the city.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” I hear. “I was going to make breakfast if you’re hungry.” He says, running his fingers through is perfect locks and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Mmm.” Is all I managed to reply. Today is gonna be a down day. The days where I struggle to talk or move. Paralyzed and paranoid. Doctors call it Manic episodes, me I call it hell.

I stay sitting at my bay window, chain smoking as James makes his way through my kitchen. I feel his eyes burning holes through me but I don’t even have the strength to lift my eyes to his.

“Molly, here take this.” He says with a furrowed brow. Worry spreads across his face like a heat wave.

“Thanks, you can leave.” I state, putting the plate down and curling up into a ball on the couch.

I avoid looking into his eyes because I can feel the hurt and disappointment in them. Instead of arguing he does what he’s told, closing the creeking door behind him.

Dread of the days to come flood through me like wild rapids, my body feels so heavy I could sink to the bottom and drown.

I rot in that spot on the couch for what feels like eternity, phone calls and text messages flooding in until my phone eventually dies, there was a few knocks on the door over the course of days but I haven’t opened it. I can’t, the only thing I can do is breathe.

The sound of scraping metal fills my apartment but I can’t seem to find the strength to find it. I feel a small breeze flow through the window as I slides open but I still can’t lift my head.

“Molly? What’s going on? I’ve been trying to reach you for days.” James’s soft, gentle voice is almost a whimper, I can hear the lump in his throat rising. “Molly?! What’s wrong baby?”

I can’t answer. I’m screaming in my head but in this lethargic state nothing comes out.

I feel a tear slide out of the corner of my eye as James scoops me into his arms and carries me into the bathroom, rocking me as he fills the clawfoot tub with water.

“Baby please, talk to me. What did I do?” He actually thinks this is his fault. Or maybe it’s deeper than that.

He lowers my naked body into the water, caressing every part of me from my shoulders to my feet. Covering me with soap and cleaning days of grime, it’s embarrassing really.

“What can I do? I’ll do whatever you want.” He pleads.

Tingles rush through me and heat spreads, just the thought of him begging makes my body react. I manage to release a low groan when his fingers brush the inside of my thigh.

“Can I touch you? It’s been to long since I got to feel you.”

My groan has managed to turn into a moan when he pushes his hand against my middle. Excitement rushes through my veins, I’m dying for it.

Moving his hand in a circular motion slow and steady before sliding in as deep as he can. A gasp leaves his perfect lips as he finds the perfect rhythm.

I feel my body coming back from the depths of hell into the present, my toes curl and legs start to shake.

Picking up his pace, he leans into my ear and whispers “Please, come for me.”

I’m a goner. White and black dots form in my vision, my body convulses releasing my personal demon that attaches to me every chance it gets.

“James what are you doing here?” The words come out before I can even think.

“Wha? Well I couldn’t reach you and I was worried.”

“So you thought you’d just break into my apartment and finger f**k me in the bathtub and that would fix everything?” I see the pain behind his pretty green eyes with each word.

“I just thought,” I cut him off before he finishes,

“Get out.” I demand, refusing to look him in the eye. And he leaves, tail tucked between his legs.

I sit and soak for hours, turning up the temperature of the water trying to burn away my sins. It’s daylight when I finally get out, I have class today, I’m gonna need a pick me up.

I throw on some baggy, light gray sweatpants and a cropped tee. f**k a bra today. I throw my hair into a messy bun and throw on a pair of sunglasses, because I can’t bear to face myself in the mirror.

I do a quick bump and I’m out the door. The sun has managed to penetrate the deep smog and heat the streets. By the time I reach class I feel the coke sweating itself out of me.

I find a seat in the back row away from the other chattering students and wait. I’m ready for this seminar to be over and I can retreat to my humble abode. I’m not feeling particularly peoplely today.

As Mr. West walks in I catch a glance of a tall drink of water behind him, shaking his wavy locks and shoving his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

No, there’s no way. I would have noticed him here before, our eyes lock intensely for a moment before I break contact and look straight ahead.

I heard nothing Mr. West said throughout class because my ears have been ringing since I locked eyes with my precious Jamesy Boy. I rush out as soon as it ends to try to escape him, but he catches up.

“Molly wait!” He hollers.

“What are you doing? Stalking me?” I ask picking up my pace.

“I moved my classes around to see you.”

“Well I didn’t ask to see you.” I say.

“Why are you doing this?” He asks, grabbing my wrist. I shove him off with my free hand,

“Why are you so f*****g obsessed with me? f**k off James.” I yell.

“Molly please.” He begs, and I’m instantly wet.