What He Wants

Heat Hazing and Heartbeats

Kaitlyn

Orientation starts at 0600.

It’s still dark when the Academy’s alarm bells ring out like a chorus of banshees. I nearly fall off the top bunk, flailing like a spider caught in a sink. Jax doesn’t even flinch. He just grunts, rolls out of bed in boxer shorts, and starts getting dressed like it’s any normal day.

He’s shirtless again.

He shouldn’t be allowed to be shirtless.

Not when I’m pretending to be a guy and trying to keep my hormones in check.

I yank my eyes away and throw on the uniform—a grey T-shirt, dark cargo pants, and combat boots. It hangs a little too loose, which is probably a good thing. I double-check that my chest binding is tight, even if it makes breathing harder than it already is.

Jax glances over. "You good? You look like you’re about to faint."

I give a shaky thumbs up. "Totally. Just excited."

He smirks and heads out the door. I follow.

Outside, the courtyard is packed with trainees in identical uniforms. There are easily two hundred of us standing in organized lines as the instructors bark orders from a raised platform.

"Welcome to Crescent Hill," a woman with a voice like gravel booms. She paces in front of us, eyes like daggers. "I’m Captain Renna. For the next six months, I will be your worst nightmare and your only salvation."

Yup. Hell it is.

She runs through rules, curfews, expectations, and consequences. Jax stands beside me like a statue, arms folded behind his back, posture military-straight. His scent wafts off him again and I fight the instinct to lean closer.

Mate.

But I can’t say a word. I’m not Kaitlyn. I’m Kai.

And Kai is just another wolf in the pack.

After the speeches, we’re split into groups and assigned drills. Mine is combat basics. We’re taken to a dirt clearing where mats have been laid out. Captain Renna assigns partners.

I end up facing off against a guy built like a tree trunk with a scowl to match.

"Kai Rivers, right?" he grunts. "Let’s see what you’ve got."

Spoiler: not much.

The moment the match starts, he lunges. I sidestep, barely. He grabs me by the arm, tries to throw me, and nearly dislocates my shoulder. I recover just in time to land a decent jab to his ribs.

He blinks. "Not bad."

I manage to stay on my feet through the round, but every muscle in my body is already screaming. When it ends, I collapse beside a tree, gulping air.

Jax walks over, a towel slung around his neck. "You alright?"

"Peachy," I wheeze.

He tosses me a bottle of water. I catch it, barely.

"You hit hard," he says, nodding to the guy I sparred with. "Didn’t think you had it in you."

I shrug. "Guess I have a lot of pent-up rage."

He chuckles. It’s deep and low and makes my stomach flutter.

The day blurs. Training. Lectures. Obstacle courses. By dinner, I’m dragging my feet, my arms feel like jelly, and my hair is plastered to my forehead.

Jax seems completely unaffected.

Of course he does.

In the mess hall, I sit with him and a few others from our dorm floor. One guy—Reed—smells like burnt coffee and sarcasm. He’s lean and wiry, with a smirk that never leaves his face.

"So," Reed says, pointing his fork at me. "You from shadow moon, huh? That’s rough territory. My cousin’s pack was there."

I nod slowly. "Yeah. It’s… different."

"What happened with your parents, why'd they send you here?"

I freeze.

I know Its not his fault, he has no idea. then why the h*ll do I feel so angry.

Jax shifts beside me.

"Back off, Reed," he warns.

Reed raises his hands. "Just making conversation. Don’t bite my head off."

But it’s too late. My heart is pounding. It feels so soffucating all of a sudden.I excuse myself and leave the table.

Outside, the night is cool. Stars scatter across the sky like tiny holes poked in a black veil. I sit on the stone steps and try to breathe.

This is harder than I thought. Lying. Pretending. Constantly on edge.

"Hey."

Jax again.

He sits beside me, arms resting on his knees.

"You okay?"

I nod. Lie.

He studies me for a second. "You don’t talk much."

"I prefer to listen."

"Smart."

We sit in silence. A comfortable one.

Then he speaks again. "You ever feel like… you’re supposed to be someone else?"

My heart skips. I glance at him.

He’s staring up at the sky.

"Like the world sees one thing, but inside you’re different. And if anyone knew, they’d never look at you the same again."

I swallow. "Yeah. I do." you have no idea how right you are right.

He doesn’t press. Just nods.

Later, back in the room, I’m brushing my teeth when Jax pulls off his shirt and drops into bed. I catch a glimpse of a tattoo over his shoulder blade. A wolf’s head encircled in fire.

He catches me looking.

"Family crest," he says. "Symbol of our bloodline.

I blink. "it looks cool"

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. "it does?."

I climb into the top bunk, heartbeat erratic.

" yeah. I've always wanted to get a tattoo but I was afraid it would my make people avoid me more. it was already hard enough to make friends in the first place looking as ugly as I am."

Sigh.

Me and my big mouth.

"is that what you think? "

He sounds surprised.

" what I think doesn't matter when the truth is staring me in the face every reflection."

" you have a very different perspective I guess." he mumbles but I hear it.

what does he mean by that?

I want to tell him everything. But I can’t.

Not yet.

So I lay there, staring at the ceiling, listening to his breathing below me.

And I pray to the Moon Goddess I survive this lie long enough to find my truth.