Remembering
1355 Words
Kaitlyn
They say secrets rot you from the inside out.
I believe them now.
The glowing script on my arm still burns behind the cloth I’ve wrapped around it, hidden beneath my long sleeves. My wolf knows it’s there. She paces behind my ribs, twitchy and uneasy, ears always up, always listening.
It’s the next morning, and I can’t stop fidgeting during drills.
Reed complains that I’ve been dodging too smoothly, like I have eyes in the back of my head. He’s not wrong. Every time someone so much as twitches, I flinch. My skin’s too tight. My thoughts, too loud.
We’re practicing evasive maneuvers when it happens.
My leg sweeps under my partner, taking him down in one clean move. Everyone pauses. Not because it was impressive—though it was—but because I didn’t move like someone guessing.
I moved like someone remembering.
Exactly like the dream I had.
Only that wasn't a dream. it was a memory. One they tried so hard to hide.
Jax is across the mat, mid-spar with Kael. But his gaze cuts to me instantly, as if he felt the shift from twenty feet away.
I break eye contact. Fast.
Captain Renna is walking past with a clipboard. She glances at me and pauses. Just for a second. Her expression doesn’t change, but I feel it in the air—she saw it too.
After training, Jax corners me near the water troughs.
“You’re hiding something.”
I turn, throat dry. “Everyone is.”
His jaw tics. “But you—you’re terrified. Of what?”
The answer balances on the tip of my tongue. I almost say it.
Then I feel the words on my arm burn again. Faint. Not glowing. But there.
A reminder.
I look down. “It’s nothing.”
“Kai.”
My head snaps up.
There’s no suspicion in his eyes this time.
There’s pain.
“I want to trust you,” he says softly. “But I need something back.”
“I’m trying.”
His lips press into a thin line. “Try harder.”
He leaves me standing there, soaked in guilt.
I skip lunch.
Instead, I sneak to the back of the main building and try Yuna’s number again.
Still no answer.
I crouch against the stone wall, hands in my hair, panic building behind my ribs.
It’s not just that she isn’t answering.
It’s that she wouldn’t just disappear. Not unless.... ..
No. I don’t even let myself finish that thought.
I text her again anyway
/Please call me. Please/
When I lift my arm, I see the faint pattern on my skin shift again. Like the letters are rearranging beneath the surface, waiting for their next order.
A countdown.
A warning.
A leash.
I shiver.
I can’t stay here much longer. I need a plan.
But I don’t know where to start.
That night, I don’t sleep.
Jax doesn’t either, apparently.
He’s lying on his bunk, staring at the ceiling. I pretend not to notice, but I feel his gaze shift toward me every few minutes.
Eventually, I hear him speak.
“If you’re planning to run again, at least tell me.”
I sit up. “What?”
“You heard me.”
My breath hitches.
“I’m not—”
“You are,” he says gently. “I can feel it.”
Silence.
The moonlight slices across the room in cold silver lines. Everything feels still. Fragile.
“Why?” he asks. “Why won’t you let me in?”
Because if I do, I’ll never be able to lie again.
I grip the edge of my blanket.
“Because it’s not just my secret,” I whisper.
He nods slowly. Accepting that. Even if it hurts.
“You’re scared,” he says.
“Yes.”
“I still want to help you.”
I don’t answer. I can’t.
The next day is worse.
Everyone notices.
Reed makes a joke about me dying inside. Kael offers me half a protein bar with the quietest, most sincere concern I’ve ever seen in a man who barely speaks.
Even Renna eyes me across the yard during combat drills, expression unreadable.
When training ends, I don’t wait.
I walk straight to the Captain’s office and knock.
She opens the door herself.
Her eyes scan me once, quick as a blade. “You decided to talk?”
I step in. My hands shake. “I need help.”
She motions to the chair across from her desk. “Sit.”
I do.
Then the words start spilling.
Not everything.
but enough.
“My name’s not Kai,” I say. “It’s Kaitlyn. I disguised myself to escape an arranged marriage. My parents… they’ve found me. They used a bloodbind and they're threatening someone close to me.”
Renna’s face doesn’t change, but something in the air thickens. She leans forward, elbows on her desk.
“Who are your parents?”
I hesitate.
“They’re not alphas,” I say. “They’re worse. Old blood. The kind that thinks control is love. They trained me in secret, raised me like I was theirs. But I think... I don’t even think I was ever theirs by blood.”
Renna leans back. “And this Yuna?”
“My best friend. Practically my sister.”
“Where is she?”
“Still in their pack.”
Renna exhales slowly. “And you want to go back for her.”
“I want to get her out.”
She nods, slow and deliberate. “And your plan was to sneak out into a hostile territory and do that alone?”
“I didn’t say it was a good plan.”
She almost smiles. Almost. Then sobers. “You’re lucky I’m the one who found you. Anyone else would’ve tossed you out or turned you in.”
I nod.
“There’s going to be consequences,” she says. “But I’m not letting you run off and get yourself killed. We’ll make a plan. A safe one. You don’t move without me.”
Relief floods me so hard I almost cry.
“Thank you.”
Renna stands. “Go. Rest. Keep your head down. And for goddess’ sake.... tell that boy something before he bursts.”
I blink. “What?”
She smirks. “You think I don’t know about you and Jax?”
“I—there’s no ‘me and Jax’.”
She laughs. “Kid, I might be old, but I’m not blind. Go.”
I stumble out of her office, ears hot, heart lighter.
I have help now.
But I still haven’t told Jax everything.
And that guilt claws at me harder than anything else.
That night, as I lie awake again, I finally sit up.
“Jax?” I whisper.
He’s already awake. “Yeah?”
I climb down from the bunk and sit on the edge of his bed.
“I’m sorry.”
He blinks, surprised.
“For lying. For hiding.”
He shifts to sit up, too. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I mean… I don’t know what you’re hiding. But I can tell it’s heavy.”
I look at him. “It is.”
“I want to help carry it.”
My throat tightens. “You already are.”
We sit like that for a while. Not touching. Just breathing in the same space. Hearts heavy and loud.
Then he whispers, “When you’re ready… tell me.”
I nod.
Then something strange happens.
A heat blooms in my arm. Again. But not pain this time.
Entirely different. Roaring just beneath the skin.
I gasp, clutching my sleeve.
“Kai?” Jax asks, eyes wide.
My vision blurs for a second—flashes of stone halls, silver chains, Yuna’s face screaming... then gone.
I snap back, breathless.
Jax grabs my shoulders. “What just happened?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I think they’re calling me again.”
“They?”
I stare into his eyes. “My parents.”
And this time?
They won’t stop.
- Writer
