Taol's Compendium of Nent

Chapter 12: Lost In Thought (Novus)

This will be my last entry log on Novus. I think I’ll keep this log relatively short mainly because of the fact that there is little to be said now. I’ve already explained the clear need to rush now that I am currently on a battle against time now that I have more knowledge of the situation than I did before, and it is also worth mentioning that it has been two years since I left Flos’ capital to begin my expedition…

Two years. Where has the time gone…?

I still can’t believe time went by that quickly. If I weren’t part of this whole campaign, two years would go buy really, really slowly. But that wasn’t the case, and now it felt like all that time had just vanished in the snap of a finger.

What if I am unable to finish this expedition on time? What if I reach a point where it is too late for me? I can’t disappoint the Exploration Team, I can’t disappoint my family, I can’t disappoint Tirza…

I can’t disappoint myself…

I didn’t want to go so far just to meet an inevitable end…an end which I am not keen on meeting, either…but that foreboding prediction had set me off into a state of pure paranoia – something which I had never felt before up until recently. Every time when I’m alone and by myself, I can feel my own heart rapidly beating, as if it’s being fueled by my own discomfort in response to the recent light of events.

I wonder if the queen has broken the news about my state to the other rulers in Nent – will they expect my arrival? How would I be received? So far, my two experiences with those in power always had an aura of fear in them – Lord Bell for his distress, while the queen was greatly stressed out with her involvement with her researchers.

It seemed like as if I was doomed to be a magnet for danger since day one – but I suppose that would mean I am making the jobs of other Exploration Team members a whole lot easier while I am dealing the dangers of this journey head on.

Now that I think about it, I wonder how the other adventurers are faring – I wonder if they’ve learned about everything that has been going on with me lately, considering how I’ve now found myself in a rather dire state of circumstances.

At this point, I don’t know how I should feel anymore – I left my village filled with a great deal of hope, excitement and anticipation. Now here I am, feeling absolutely distressed and unsure of what lies ahead of me.

I guess that’s just how life is sometimes, but I can’t help but feel this is too harsh for someone like myself – why did it have to be me, of all people? Why did lightning decide to strike me even when I didn’t do anything to deserve it?

I…I don’t know anymore.

I don’t think I even bother anymore.

End Entry Log 12.

“A terra ad sidera explorabimus. Quod calcare possumus, revelabimus. Sicut illic est vocatio casus, casus est qui nos servabit in via nostra.”