Taste of Poison

Kabanata 13

Stalked

Days passed yet I can't still get Azar out of my head. I meditated to calm my nerves for the past days. Hindi rin nagparamdam si Azar at ganoon din ako sa kaniya. Ilang texts din ang natanggap ko mula kina Mallory at sa iba pang kaibigan. I just told them I'm fine and be safe.

Ngayon ay nakahilata pa rin ako sa kama at nakaharap sa laptop kausap si Audrey at Yves. They were still shocked about the existence of vampires but then...

"Magpapakagat na rin ako! May kilala ka ba, Emory? Pasalin kamo ng dugo," si Audrey iyon na malaki ang ngiti.

"Gusto mong mamatay?" Yves fired back.

Inipit ko ang buhok na tumakas sa likod ng aking tenga.

"Mas mabuti na 'yong suhestiyon mo, Yves... Kesa ang maging bampira," gatong ko.

Tumawa si Yves sa sinabi ko. "May tama ka, Emo! Gusto kong mamatay bilang tao at hindi demonyo!"

"Ako ang kamatayan mo, Yves," inayos niya ang unan sa kaniyang hita. "So, vampires are infected? Sabi sa balita ay ganoon daw. They even mentioned cure so, I'm hoping na curable nga iyon."

"Sana nga... ayoko naman na matabunan ang kagwapuhan ko," it was Yves.

"How sure are you na gwapo sila? Try to search vampires and see how they looked like. Parang pinagpatong-patong ang ngipin nila! Double sa thirty-two permanent teeth ng isang tao. Not white pa like they didn't brush their teeth throughout the years," si Audrey na umakto pang nasusuka.

I think of Azar's face. His teeth are clean and white, pantay rin iyon. Mukhang alagang-alaga. Sobrang malayo iyon sa sinabi ni Audrey. Umiling ako at inalis siya sa aking isipan.

"Tapos tulo laway pa!" humagalpak si Yves.

Natatawa akong umiling. The call went like teasing-to-serious, then back to teasing.

"Don't go out at night if you two still want to see the sunrise," I reminded before ending the call.

Agad kong naramdaman ang katahimikan sa silid ko. The back of my legs was on the side of my bed as I roamed my eyes around my room. The vintage interior design relaxed me. Despite not staying here, Mama Astrid keeps our rooms clean and neat. Nanatili ako sa pwesto ilang minuto bago ako tumayo para maligo. Then I fixed myself.

I wore a spaghetti peach romper before I went down. Kaharap ng hagdan ay ang lanai. I saw Mama Astrid there drinking wine but she's not alone. May kausap siyang babae na nakatalikod sa akin.

"Maayos naman po kami ni Simeon..." I heard.

She must be Lia, Simeon's fiancée. Lumipad ang tingin sa akin ni Mama.

"You're here, maupo ka rito," aniya.

Bumaling sa akin ang babae. She's wearing jeans and hanging blouse. I faked a smile at ganoon din siya.

Lumapit ako sa kanila at umupo sa bakanteng upuan. Sa gitna ng mesa ay may bote ng wine, may nakita akong pahabang box doon. My mother loves wine. Dala siguro iyon ni Lia.

"Lia brought me wine, taste it."

I looked at Mama Astrid and shook my head. Bumuntong-hininga siya.

"I'll go ahead na po, Tita. May pupuntahan pa po ako..." paalam ni Lia.

"Ihahatid na kita," Mama Astrid stood and accompanied her.

Naiwan ako mag-isa. Azar entered my mind again. I expected it, but I can't hide my shocked and fear. After confirming his being, I immediately went out of his car, not letting him talk. I left with a question that has something to do with his blood.

Isa pa, ibig sabihin ay tapos na rin ang arrangement namin. There will be no Azar for the following days, months, or maybe... years. Inaasahan ko naman na hindi magtatagal ang kung anuman ang meron kami, kaya no hard feelings. The important thing is, I learned the truth earlier.

The earlier, the better.

There will be times that I'll miss him. His presence... everything about him but it's okay. He became part of me for a short period of time, so I think it's normal to miss him. He was a good friend, he let me felt things I never felt before and I owe it all to him. Pero hanggang doon lang iyon. The rest is hatred...

I brushed my hair with my fingers. Naabutan ako ni Mama Astrid na ganoon.

Bumalik siya sa pwesto niya kanina.

"Problem?" Nagsalin siya ng wine sa kaniyang baso.

"It's still early, Mama. Wine agad iniinom mo," sita ko.

Tumawa lang siya, hindi pinansin ang sinabi ko.

"I know you're bothered by something. You can tell me, I'm your mother..."

Binaling ko sa aking kamay ang atensiyon ko. She is but... it feels a bit awkward to tell her my problems. I mean, I'm not a teenager anymore. Kaya nga ako bumukod sa kaniya dahil doon. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay kaya ko ng mag-isa. That I can solve whatever problems I may have encountered.

But maybe... no matter how old I am, even my hair turn grey, and even when I can't walk properly, she'll always be here because she's my mother.

A mother whom I'll always need, forever.

I stared at her softly.

"I met someone who happened to be a vampire. I enjoyed being with him, Ma. He's the kind of friend everyone would ask for, but he's a vampire..." tipid kong sinabi.

Uminom siya sa kaniyang baso ng wine bago ito nilapag sa mesa. She leaned on the chair, crossed her legs and put her hands on it.

"I knew how you loathed vampires... everyone in our family knows that, too. It's not questionable, especially to what happened to him."

My heart pounded. Namilog ang mga mata ko.

"You knew?"

She nodded. "I thought of any possible reasons on why you joined, I figured it was because of his death. Eight ka pa lang noong nag-aral ka ng pagpana. Then when you turned twelve, you asked me to train you to hunt vampires, that was one week after you saw him getting killed by a vampire."

At young age, I already know the meaning behind the word love. It was him, my childhood friend whom I promised my life with. I was young but, I meant it. Sigurado akong hindi magbabago ang tingin ko sa kaniya kahit na tumanda na kami pero hindi ko iyon napatunayan. He was gone for long years... love is still there but it wasn't the same as before.

It's just amazing how pain slowly kills love.

"I want to help you ease that hatred, Emory," she took a deep sighed.

"Year 1984, a group of scientists found the virus. One of them found a dead body which had been hidden for one hundred years, it was infected. Kumuha sila ng blood sample mula sa patay, iyon ang ginamit nila para gawin ang naturang virus... the VBT. Umalis ang isa sa kanila bago pa man tuluyan iyon magawa... at 'yong isa ay may sakit, cancer."

I listened to her story. This is what I've been missing for my whole life. Answers.

"Then that sick person was experimented... it was successful, iyong dalawa pang natira ay sinubukan din nila ang virus sa sarili nila, and 'till now, they're alive. That sick person was forced, ayaw niyang mabuhay ulit bilang bampira pero wala siyang nagawa. And when the other two planned to released the virus to the public, he ran with the virus and sabotaged their lab so there was nothing left. The two discovered that the virus was contagious by transmitting their blood to humans, kaya iyon ang ginawa nila."

I bit the inside of my lip. Everything made sense now. The virus was created by humans... Scientists and became a vampire. I wonder if they're happy because vampires— their kinds are starting to dominate humans. Or if they were not happy being a human before.

Why do they need to make something that would ruin us?

Some were really blinded by their power. They think they're superior if they have it.

"Hawak ng taong 'yon ang virus," sabi ko.

Mama Astrid nodded. "Yes... But I think he's the goody kind of vampire, Emory," she leaned on. Inabot niya ang kamay ko. "Not all vampires are bad. Kahit sa uri nila, may puti at itim. Sa tao, mayroon din."

Naalala ko ang sinabi ni Azar.

Umiling ako sabay bawi ng kamay. "The fact still remains, they kill."

She smiled faintly. "Humans created them, who's at fault? Mga tao rin lang naman ang dahilan ng pagbagsak natin."

"They should've killed those scientists who made the virus, Mama. Or maybe find a cure if there is! Hindi kailangan pumatay!" medyo tumaas ang boses ko.

Saglit na pumikit si Mama. "Hindi mo alam ang sinasabi mo..."

"May alam po ako. Bampira ang pumatay sa kaniya, kay Lolo Gaspare! At sa kay Lola! Bampira ang dahilan lahat ng hinanakit ko, Ma..."

Parang agos ng tubig na nagsibalikan sa akin ang mga alaalang pilit kong kinakalimutan. I remember myself crying silently while hiding behind the huge tree, meters away was a vampire killing my friend. Mama Astrid's mother... Lolo Gaspare, I lost them all because of then. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga pangyayaring iyon na nakita mismo ng mga mata ko.

Paano ko iyon makakalimutan? Gayong sa bawat pagpikit ko ay iyon ang nakikita ko.

"I understand where you're coming from... But I know, it would subside soon. Your hatred would subside soon..." her voice was hopeful.

"I hope not, Mama..." sinabi ko.

Tipid siyang ngumiti. "Why don't you go out and shop? Isang linggo ka ng hindi lumalabas," pag-iiba niya sa usapan.

"Are you seeing someone? Pupunta ba siya rito ngayon?"

Namilog ang mga mata niya at napaubo pa siya roon. Naging kulay kamatis din ang kaniyang pisngi. Mas lalo akong nagduda. Mama Astrid is still young and looking so fresh. Mukha siyang hindi nanganak ng dalawa.

She was about to open her mouth when the telephone rang. Agad siyang tumayo at umalis para sagutin iyon.

I sighed heavily and tilted my head on the side to looked at the garden. Green. It reminds me of Azar's place. I closed my eyes emphatically. I wonder what he has been up to. Nakahanap na kaya siya ng pamalit ko. Iyong hindi galit sa katulad niya para wala siyang problema.

Muli akong bumuntong-hininga. Naalala ko ang lahat ng sinabi ko sa kaniya.

Was he hurt when I told him that vampires were monster? I was blinded by my anger. Blinded by this excruciating pain that caused me to bleed.

Minulat ko ang mga mata nang marinig ang yabag ni Mama Astrid palapit. I turned my head to face her.

"Aalis na muna ako, call me if something happen," she kissed my cheek.

Tumango ako at hinatid siya ng tingin paalis. Nang mawala siya sa paningin ko ay doon ko pinakawalan ang pinipigilan kong luha. I raised my legs on the chair and hugged my knees. I buried my face and cried silently.

I want to get drunk so I could express the horrible feeling I've been carrying on my back for the past years.

I finally had the courage to go out with friends and Mallory after weeks. Umaga nang lumabas kami para mag-unwind. It has been a month since I went out. Para akong nag-quarantine dahil hindi talaga ako lumabas. I just spent those days learning how to cook and bake, and crocheting.

Pinikit ko ang mga mata habang ninanamnam ang masahe sa aking likuran.

"I heard something. Acting President pala si Kuya Aamon sa Men's Company!" it was Mallory.

"Talaga? Iyong hot niyong pinsan?" si Audrey.

Dinilat ko ang aking isang mata. The two were busy using their cellphones, may nagmamasahe rin sa kanila. Muli akong pumikit.

Men's Company. I think I heard it before.

"I saw him last week with Alaric and his friend, may pinag-usapan yata na importante. So, I asked him kung bakit naroon si Kuya Aamon and boom! That's when I learned that my cold cousin is working in MC," nahimigan ko ang ngiti sa boses ni Mallory.

I feel sleepy. Parang gusto kong umidlip ngunit nagsalita ulit sila. Ngayon ay sa akin na pinatama.

"What happened to you? Isang buwan kang physical absent, ah!" tukoy sa akin ni Audrey.

I opened my eyes. Nakahilira kaming tatlo at ang ulo nilang dalawa ay nakalingon sa direksiyon ko.

"Nag-isip lang..." sagot ko.

Sabay silang umismid.

"Lalaki ba?" Mallory squints her eyes.

Bumaling sa kaniya si Audrey. "Nag-isip lang lalaki na agad?"

"Siyempre! Hindi 'yon kailanman nangyari, ah. Kilala mo naman si Emory! Hindi niya pinapanindigan ang pagiging emo pero, nag-emote ng isang buwan."

Ngumuso ako.

I figured everything out for a month. I took a rest... away from negativity and I realized being enraged would lead me to nothing but a heart attack. After learning the history of vampires, or why did they become one, I became aware of what my words and actions may have caused them... or him.

They're right. Not all vampires are bad.

Some didn't want to become one, maybe they hated themselves, too, for turning into a vampire against their will but, they can't do anything but continue to live with it. I became cognizant of human, too. I came to realized that aside from vampires and other animals, humans are one of the worst types of creature in the world.

I still hate them same as before, pero natanggap ko na. Siguro noon ko pa natanggap ang pagkawala ng mga mahal ko sa buhay, hindi ko lang maamin sa sarili ko.

Dahil gusto kong may masisi sa nangyari bukod sa sarili ko.

Matapos naming magpa-spa, kumain kami sa isang Italian restaurant. Tinawagan namin si Yves gaya ng sinabi niya. Hindi niya kami sinamahan kanina dahil girls thing daw.

"Sorry, I'm late..." aniya bago umupo sa bakanteng upuan.

"It's not bago," Audrey rolled her eyes.

We chuckled and ordered food.

"It's better late than never," Yves fired back.

"So, how was your quaran-think?" Baling sa akin ni Audrey.

Humalukipkip ako. "Napag-isip-isip kong hindi na masama..."

"Ang alin?" Sabay nilang tanong.

"Hindi na masama kung may lalaki ako," I laughed slightly.

Sabay ulit silang umingos.

"Isang buwan mong pinag-isipan 'yan? Dapat noon pa!" Si Mallory.

Humalakhak ako. "Noong nakaraang buwan ko lang naisipan, e..." biro ko pa.

Dumating ang in-oder namin ilang minuto lang. We continued to talk while eating. They shared what I've missed for one month.

"Isang buwan mahigit na nakasara ang A Club. Dati ay binubuksan iyon tuwing umaga pero ngayon ay sarado na talaga! Sabi ni Brandon ay kapag hindi na raw delikado, saka ulit bubuksan," kuwento ni Mallory.

Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "So, hindi natigil pagba-bar hopping niyo?"

Nakangisi siyang umiling. "Hindi! Tuwing gabi lang naman delikado, may umaga at hapon pa para magsaya," sabay tawa niya. "Pero wala na ulit nabalitaan na namatay dahil sa bampira. Kung mayroon man ay iba ang dahilan."

Tumango-tango ako habang inikot-ikot sa tinidor ang pasta.

"Pero dapat ay mabahala pa rin tayo. Hindi natin alam kung kailan ulit," sinabi ko at sinubo ang pasta.

"Sana nga ay may gamot na madiskubre," ani Audrey.

I hope so, too. Hindi puwedeng buong buhay silang ganoon. Hindi iyon maaari dahil baka sa susunod pang taon, dumami sila nang dumami at iyon ang nakakatakot. Baka maging mundo nila ang mundo namin... na naging mundo nila noon.

Matapos kumain ay kaniya-kaniya kaming sakay sa sasakyan, maliban kina Yves at Audrey. Alaric picked Mallory and they were already gone in my sight yet I'm stuck inside my car, thinking. I remember what Mallory told me about A Club. And I wonder if she knows that Azar is a vampire.

I licked my lips before getting my phone from my bag. Hindi pa rin burado ang kaniyang numero sa akin. It's not that I'm expecting...

It has been a month and a week since I last saw Azar. I think I owe him an apology for all the shits I spit about him. Pero ayoko naman na ako ang gumawa ng first move!

I bit my lower lip. Ngayon ay alam ko na ang pakiramdam ni Mallory tuwing nakikita ko siyang nagdadalawang isip na i-message si Alaric.

Dang it! How do I make a decision when I can't even decide whether to message him or not? I wouldn't be like this if he treated me bad. I wouldn't be like this if I didn't feel like I lose him a month ago. Losing a good friend who made me felt good is indeed a loss.

Nilingon ko ang cellphone nang tumunog ito. My eyes widen when I saw his name on the screen. I sat straight and fixed my hair before getting my phone back.

Isang malalim na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ko bago ito binuksan.

Azar:

How's your life?

I gulped before typing a reply.

Ako:

Good, yours?

I blinked twice after hitting the send button. Agad akong nakatanggap ng tugon.

Azar:

Same.

I received another message.

Azar:

We ain't lying, are we?

Then another one...

Azar:

Are you free tomorrow? I wanna see you...

Muli akong lumunok. Ilang segundo ko iyon tinitigan bago magtipa ng tugon.

Ako:

No. I'm expensive every day.

I chuckled at my own reply.

Azar:

Willing to pay... ten digits.

I shook my head, smiling. Nang mapagtanto iyon ay kumurap-kurap ako at tumikhim. Tinago ko ang ngiti na gustong kumawala.

Ako:

A billion just to see me?

Sent.

Azar:

Why not? I think you're precious... especially when you smile.

Muntikan ko ng mabitawan ang cellphone sa nabasa. Teka... nakikita ba niya ako?! No, no... Umiling ako nang makita ang pamilyar na sasakyan na dumaan sa gilid ng akin. Sinundan ko iyon ng tingin. Palabas ito sa parking lot pero bigla na lamang tumigil.

Tumunog ang cellphone ko. Kaagad ko iyon tsinek.

Azar:

Let's go to my house, shall we?

After that, the car moved again and left.

Napasandal ako sa upuan. Was he stalking me?!