crossfire || cardan greenbriar

five

a/n: just to make this a bit clear, Anastasia is a closeted bisexual.

I lay on my back, hardly able to get any sleep at all. Yesterday's events replaying nonstop in my mind. How could I be so stupid, to hold a knife at the prince of Elfhame's throat? Am I trying to get myself killed? Not to mention his father, who is the king, and his brother, who is soon to be king were both there as well, just downstairs.

My head starts aching, too many reflections subduing my attention span. Ever since I lost my memory, the further I go into contemplation about something, the more painful it gets, the more frustrating and the more irritating.

There are benefits to not knowing who you were, whether you were good, awful, damaged, optimistic, you just never know. And so you let your mind wander, looking for hints or clues. It's like commencing a sequel to a nonexistent tale. Like completing a story you never began. Like reading a book backward.

But then there's not knowing who you loved, who you hated, who you cared for, who hurt you, and most importantly, who saved you. I lost all this knowledge. Even though some people might assume it a boon, skipping all the yore, shirking all the suffering, and everything that's ever inflicted havoc and darkness. But eventually, the havoc and darkness catch up to your good doings, and shortly you find yourself in a ditch with all the harm you've ever induced.

But I don't want that. I want my memories back, and the only indication I've found out about myself was a letter, composed by someone...I have no idea who it is.

Then there's this festival tomorrow. At King Eldred's palace, where everyone will be there. Cardan, Balekin, Dain, Nicasia, Locke, Valerian, and so many other faeries and non-human things. Who would want nothing more but to ravage everything I've ever had. I never asked for any of this, feeling so unwanted and shunned is not what I want. I would go back to the mortal world, dwell there forever, but I have no idea what I'd done there. What if I'm a fugitive? That's why I ran away and turned out here. Or maybe I intended to come here all along. I know nothing.

Speaking of Cardan, he won't lay off. He won't rest until I learn to shut my mouth until I'm begging him to quit taunting and tormenting me until I'm on my knees for him, that's what he wants. He wants dominance over someone that's never known control, or imprisonment. Someday, they'll regret treating us the way they did, somehow.

I often ponder what it would be like to be thought of as an equal. A Faerie, just like them, where then, no one would disparage me for being a mortal. No one would regale me as though I am nothing but a miserable aspect, born only to die all over again.

I never took into deliberation, who my parents could possibly be, or were. Did I even have any parents, I could've been an orphan, I mean god knows.

~~~~~⚔️~~~~~

"Should I wear this?" I ask Jude, holding up a black dress that exposes my back and shoulders, and right beneath my chest and above my waist is transparent silk that hangs loosely around my stomach and my back, the dress extends to my ankles. "Or this?" I hold out a sage green dress that extends beneath my knees with an inch or two, it's shoulder straps are loose and fall off but I'm guessing that's the way it should be.

"I like the first one, it's...you. It's just you."

"Alright then, I'm trusting your decision on this." I retort, rolling my eyes, as she gives me a curious look.

"Where did you and Cardan run off to yesterday, huh?" she points out, as my eyes quickly widen.

"It was nothing, just a— a meaningless act of kindness," I hesitantly respond as she chuckles at my anxiousness.

"Sure, Anastasia. I believe you, no qualm. At all," she reacts, sarcasm evident in her tone.

"This one is quite pretty," I say, attempting to change the subject and hanging the other in the closet again.

"I figured you'd pick that one," she smiles.

"When's the party again?" I ask her, pulling out a plain, black corset from the drawer.

"It's tonight, I'm not sure when exactly, but Madoc says we have to go early because he has things to attend to, I suppose"

I unleash an extended sigh, while I lay my apparel on the mattress, "How early?"

"Like," she wavers, examining the alarm timepiece on my bedside, "Like one hour from now early."

"That's not good. No, not good. I need to start getting ready, if it's one hour from now," I blurt out, rapidly moving items from one place to another.

"Anastasia, calm down. We have enough time, besides, you'll be too drunk to pay attention to how you look," she reassures.

I shake my head, "I'm not planning on getting drunk, Jude."

She looks at me in disbelief, "Do you even remember what happened last time you said that?"

"No," I slowly counter, "Just don't tell me. Spare me the embarrassment, please."

"Just get dressed, I'll be in my room doing the same, call my name if you need anything," she kisses me on my cheek, as she walks out of the room with a soft smile on her face, I slightly blush at the warm show of affection but I quickly go back to readying myself,

Shutting the door after her, I let out a frustrated sigh. I glance at the dress on the bed then back at the mirror, wondering if I'll ever make an impression, on anyone. It doesn't matter what I wear, nor how I look anymore, they all care about pointy ears and skin tones of all different colors. Yet, perhaps I'll meet someone different, eventually.

I unzip my nightdress and hold the dress in both my hands, admiring its beautiful black color while imagining what it would look like on someone like me. After being done wasting time, I put the dress on, surprised by how perfectly it fit me, the way it exposed my stomach, and the way the cuts at the bottom of the dress exposed my legs from top to bottom, it all gave the impression that I was someone, important.

I put on a pair of black heels so that it's not too hard for me to move without tripping, they'll hurt but it'll be worth it, I hope. I also wear the rowan berry necklace just in case anything happens at all, being cautious is never a disadvantage, at least that's what Madoc says.

I don't bother with styling my hair, it's going to get all messed eventually, or at some point of the day, and I'd rather not go through all that pain now.

"Jude!" I call out, "I think I'm ready now!"

"Coming!" she responds.

I hear her footsteps trail towards my room, while I stand there, gawking at myself in the mirror, unsure of how I look.

Walking in, she halts, either surprised by how good I look, or regretting her decision of coming into my room at all.

Blinking multiple times, she reaches for my shoulders, turning me around to face her, "You look incredible," she says with a bright smile on her face, "I mean really— Wow!"

"It's really you who looks beautiful, that dress is gorgeous on you, and it really looks great on you," I say, admiring the sapphire blue dress she is wearing, it's laced and embedded with multiple gems. It's gold at the neck collar and the straps, it makes her walnut-colored eyes stand out. She also wears a rowan berry necklace around her neck and a golden bracelet on her arm. She looks, fascinating.

"Well now, let's not waste any more time," she says, the corner of her mouth twisting, she begins to say something that I know I probably won't like, "Don't want to be late for your prince charming do you?"

"Jude," I whine at her retort.

"I'm kidding! I'm joking, you're not his type anyway,"

"Oh I'm everyone's type, he's just not mine," I boasted sarcastically, as she chuckled, we both get downstairs and they're already waiting for us at the doors.

~~~~~⚔️~~~~~

We arrive at the palace, I'm mesmerized by the beauty of it. I've never been here, nor seen what it looks like before, and nothing could've driven me to expect such elegance.

Hand in hand, Jude and I walk inside, while Madoc, Oriana, Taryn, Vivi, and Oak follow. As soon as I walk inside, I see prince Cardan wearing clothes of which look very similar to yesterday.

"Look at that brat," Jude whispers. I subtly nod my head in agreement as I admire the large gates of the castle.

King Eldred walks in, wearing extremely expensive and elegant clothes, words would fail to describe their beauty. He smiled, and greeted both Oriana and Madoc, very kindly. This place is beautiful, yes, but that doesn't mean I wanna be here any longer.

My eyes were peering around before they met Cardan's golden-ringed pupils, We were a fair distance away from each other, but he was staring, he knew it provoked me and so he did it.

His eyes trailed down my body, almost like he was scanning me, I felt uncomfortable and weird. My skin feels heated, being in the same room as him surely has a greater impact than being suffocated.

"Anastasia," Jude whispers, "Cardan's staring at you, I mean seriously."

"You think I didn't notice?" I grit my teeth, "I need some air."

I attempt to walk back outside, but Oriana catches me leaving, and grips my arms, "Where do you think you're going?" she queries.

"I need—" letting out a defeated sigh, I pause, "Nowhere."

"Good, now go stand beside Jude," she demands, her pink eyes boring into mine.

I scoff, walking over to Jude again. "What's taking them so long?" I complained fretfully.

"I'm not sure, but Madoc's talking to the High King about something," she responds.

"Alright," the King finally cuts through the awkward silence, "Welcome to the palace of Elfhame, the guests will be here soon, just follow me outside, where the yard is."

We all bow, following the king outside, as he led us to a beautiful yard, there were multiple tables spread around, each of them had drinks, food, and many other types of Elfhame fares.

I marveled at the charm of the trees, flowers, bushes, designs, everything was amazingly planted.

"Madoc and I will be upstairs with the King for quite a while, don't cause any trouble while we're gone. You understand?" Oriana announces, making me question the reason they'd be gone.

I cross my arms over my stomach, "Then why are we here?"

"Don't be rude!" she leans over to meet my ears, "Just do as I say, Anastasia"

With that, she takes Madoc's hand and leaves with the king.

"This is ridiculous," I groan, as I sit down on the chair behind me. "I need a drink."

Vivienne and Taryn are chatting about whatever, while Jude and I sat at the well-decorated tables.

"I thought you said you won't drink at all?" Jude taunts, sitting on the chair across mine.

"Well, I guess I changed my mind," I say, picking up the bottle of red wine behind me, and pouring myself a glass.

"Besides, I won't miss out on royal wine," I joshed, raising my hand, which carries the expensive glass of Elfhame and Faerie wine.

"I could use a drink as well," she sighs, picking up a glass and pouring herself a small portion of wine.

"What's up with this seriously lame music?" I complain, whipping another cup of this addicting wine.

"I don't kn—"

"—I'm gonna go find Cardan, I'll be back." I interrupt her, as she sits quietly, savoring her wine.

I get up, and scout the area, looking for Cardan, but I couldn't find him, I find myself inside the palace, stumbling around, completely lost in this maze-like castle. The place is huge, and it feels as though I'm reeling in circles. I find a staircase that leads upstairs, and I take it.

"Cardan?" I call out in a low voice, hoping Oriana isn't able to sense that I'm up here.

I feel my consciousness slowly slip out of me, my body feels light, and I no longer am aware of what I'm doing. It must be the wine, It's Faerie wine, meaning it's not made for humans therefore any mortal who drinks even one glass of this will be helplessly drunk, and I drank three glasses of it...I think.

I stumble and rest my back against the door behind me, suddenly I hear the door click and I find myself falling into someone's arm. They smell like wine, more wine, rosemary, and mint. I immediately recognize the scent, pushing myself off of the person, and fixing my posture, turning around to face him.

"What the," I breathe, as I attempt to take in the sight of his cold hard body. He wears a button-up shirt, that isn't even buttoned, exposing his chest and, everything with it. He wears a pair of sweatpants which I didn't even know existed here in Elfhame.

He looks me up and down, his gaze stopping when it reached my eyes. "What do you want?" he asks coldly, as I dig deep into my drunken mind, trying to remember why I came up here in the first place.

"Are you drunk?" he rests his arm on the door frame, awaiting an answer.

"No..." I lie, looking up at him.

"Oh, yeah right. Music." I recall, looking back up at him, as he stares at me, confusion written all over his face.

"Hm?"

"I need you to play music,"

"I'm not going to play music for you," he says, his brows slightly furrowing.

"You're so daft," I grip his arm tightly, forcing him downstairs, "I don't want you to play music yourself, I want you to play it on...something."

"You're so pathetic," he sighs, pulling his arms away from me and following me down the long, spiraled staircase.

I ignore whatever he said and continue downstairs, as soon as we get there people have already started arriving and the place was growing more crowded by the minute.

He leaves, to play music, I'm not sure what type of music they play here in Elfhame, but I sure do hope it's not the classical type, not that I have anything against classic music.

Moments later, I hear the sound of upbeat music playing, as I go over to Jude.

I grab another glass of wine, and Jude stops me from drinking it, "I think that's enough drinking for you, my dear Anastasia."

"Oh, come on," I say, sitting down to catch a breath,

"Sorry not sorry, it's my job as a good friend to stop you from making mistakes you will regret," she says, handing me a glass of water.

"I'm not thirsty," I say, pulling her up and dragging her to the middle of the garden where everyone is dancing.

As we walk, I catch Cardan's eye, he's sitting there, a bottle of wine in his hands, his wine-stained lips look soft and plump. Beside him are Locke, and Nicasia, they had just arrived, I scoff at the sight of them as I continue dancing in front of Jude, my body feeling every beat of the music.

"Move your hips a little, Jude," I say with a soft laugh that was overwhelmed by the music, "Here, like this."

I place one hand on each side of her waist, as she places hers on my shoulders.

"You know, I'm not drunk enough for this," she says, slowly moving to the beat of the music.

"Who cares, in a couple of hours this will probably be forgotten, so enjoy the rest of it while it lasts," I say as I look around in case anyone's staring, and to my surprise someone is staring.

"Cardan's staring," I sigh, I lift my hands off her waist and take her hands.

"Well then, if he's gonna treat this like a show," she says, letting her hair down. "Let's give him one."

"Shall we?" I smile, looking straight into her brown eyes, and she nods, sending back the same smile.

We dance for nearly the entire day and night, it was the most fun I've had in a while, and being with able to enjoy it Jude made it a whole lot better. I couldn't keep track of Cardan since I was too drunk to even keep track of myself, however, he vanished after a while but Nicasia and the rest were still there.

Jude fell asleep on the table downstairs so I left her there, there were no signs of Oriana or Madoc. I asked one of the guards to take me to the main bathroom and he did, as soon as I walked in, I pushed through the door and fell to my knees, everything I put into my mouth wasn't being digested but actually pushed back up into my mouth.

Last thing I remember is puking everything I put into my mouth, then passing out on the bathroom floor.