Howl Your Appellations

A Way to Start

BOEN OPEOR

Its has been two weeks since I woke up from my fever dreams and found myself in an equally fever-dream-like reality.Everything still feels like a part of a dream somehow, like a part of me is still, still, having a hard time aligning with the current me. It has been two weeks; I am not in my own little part of the world anymore, there are more people around me that seem to think my health and safety are of their interest, it makes me extremely anxious and, deep down, grateful. It has been two weeks since I lost my leg to the forest; I lost my ring. It has been two weeks and I feel like I’ve forgotten something very important.

It’s raining fairly lightly, the forest sings the song of the clouds and whispers the hums of the sea winds.There’s a certain calmness to its voice that tricks you into thinking that, the coast is clear: nothing can hurt you now. We all know this tranquility is sadly as fleeting as a whisper. I have been bed-ridden (for the most part) for what feels like an eternity but now, the pack says I’m ready to leave the infirmary. Of course, I am extremely happy about this, I finally get to expand the new world I was thrown into, but I’m also scared. I’ve practiced using a crutch (only one because the other one was stolen apparently), and I feel that I’ve gotten the hang of it. Sometimes I forget that I had lost a leg and leave the bed only to be painfully reminded that I’m asymmetrical now. The mental warfare arises immediately afterwards; the thoughts of things never being the same again and how I’m supposed to live on after the fact. I never really prepared myself for major inconveniences or changes, everything about this whole thing was never supposed to happen. Nevertheless, I’m sure I will survive somehow. This sinking feeling of me having forgotten something really important stops me from thinking I’m better off as the forest’s fertilizer.

“I have to keep my heads up!” I say with a clenched fist and determination, “Today is a good day.’’ Breathe in, breathe out.This..man, I’m really nervous. I secretly prepared a little something for everyone too… I hope they like it. Even if this cold breeze tells me otherwise. I should stretch out and exercise my body for a bit! Yeah!I’m sure my body will be a tad bit surprised that I’m walking long lengths again. I’ll go to bed pretending I didn’t wake up excited and exhausted from thinking about things too much.

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“Boen!---What the f**k?! Why are you covered in sweat!” Reese screams in terror. I heard her coming in late as I was finishing up and couldn’t wipe my sweat after my last one leg squat. I pretend that I just woke up but she wasn’t convinced. I didn’t feel like telling her what I was actually doing, it’s nice to see her little Were parts give her emotions away. Her tail and ears perk up and move in worried sways. Sorry Reese but you are adorable to me right now.

“Ugh. Fine, you just woke up. Now get up! You know what today is!” she declares, poking my forehead with her pointy index finger. “Thursday, the 4th?” I reply jokingly.She pushes her index finger hard on my forehead and asked again. I was meaning to joke around some more but her untrimmed fingernail started to hurt my forehead skin so I had to digress, “Agh!! Today’s the day I see the whole Train!” I reply, she removes her finger while I made a sigh of relief. With a grin she announces, “Yeah. But it’s also Boen’s Recovery Day! Congratulations on not being dead!” She twirls and jumps while also exclaiming “Yippee! Woohoo! Wow!” throwing confetti from out of the inside of her mystery poncho. I’ve never seen her wear this one before, it has a beautiful aquamarine color and the inside is layered with fluff as if she’s wearing a whole petticoat over her shoulders. She pulls a piece of folded paper from one of the fabric layers.

“Here. It’s the itinerary for today! We might not follow the order completely but all we’re gonna do is in that there itinerary.” She wobbles to and fro using her feet as if she’s a rocking chair, probably an indication that she’s eager for me to unfold the paper and read the first agenda:

“Today’s the day!

Timeline:

8:30 A.M. Breakfast in Bed with Nikki!”

There’s a cute little doodle next to the exclamation point that I assume is me. No one among the pack has hair as curly as mine. Hmm, so I’ll be eating breakfast with Nikki for today. I look up at Reese and she smiles. “At first, it was supposed to be only Cain and I who’ll give you insights but in the end we decided that everyone should welcome you in their own little way. I’m looking forward to your enjoyment!” and with that, she bows and throws confetti one last time. She storms towards the door; audibly from the hallway, her voice screams “Go!Go!” and pushes Nikki (clearly annoyed) into view carrying a tray of heaven-smelling breakfast meals. She pushes her until they reached the threshold. “Reese, just go already. If I drop this tray, I’ll make you lick the floor until there isn’t anything left to lick.” Nikki says in a tired and no-nonsense tone. Reese stops and slowly lowers her hands away from Nikki’s back. She silently backs away, gives me a little thumbs up, and leaves.

Finally, Nikki sighs and looks at me. Every time she looks at me I feel like I need to take a long cleansing shower; it’s like she can smell insecurities from miles away. I smell like sweat and additional ones seem to pop up just to torment me. The mother-like Nikki with a not-so-conservative fashion sense (she’s wearing a tan short dress featuring  a bright argyle pattern, and a rib knit square neck collar and hem) smiles at me and places the tray on my lap. “Guh, sorry if I seem distant today or…most of the time. All I got are excuses. But today I’d like to get to know you more. Happy to have me?” she asks, taking two bowls out of the tray and placing the one with garlic toast with small,edible,white flowers on her lap and a bowl of soup on the night stand. I take a slice of bread from my portion of breakfast and proposed a toast, a toast with toast haha. We put our toasts together and happily took a delicious bite. 

Today’s breakfast is just what I’d usually have: two sunny eggs, a flowery garlic bread, some unknown candy-shaped fruit that tastes like a banana, “Silk brim” soup; it’s apparently derived from the  a tree called a Silkbrim with an outer-layering that resembles silk, (it’s from the Inner Market), and melon juice. Having eaten them so many times still doesn’t feel enough. I get lost in the flavors every time. Nikki only started a conversation when we’re almost finished eating.

“I know it’s been tough for you.” She says, “To be honest, I wasn’t on board with bringing an outsider inside The Train but Imus insisted anyway. You’re someone our Alpha tried to protect and I respect that. But it’ll take a while for me to be completely comfortable with you.Sorry.” She lowers her head as a bow. I took a glance of the crown of her head and looked at the empty glass on my hands. “You know, I’m used to people not liking me. I’ve accepted that almost no one will like me the way that I want them to. Still, you took care of me, along with everyone else, like or not, I’m eternally grateful.”

She lifts her head as if believing that she would never lift it again. I smile at her. She sways her head and smiles back.

I was told that she was the person who watched me the most when I was still unconscious, now I understand why. I guess she just couldn’t trust me even when I’m visibly comatose. One might assume that she’s just insincere, but I believe she’s just being careful. The distance between the two of us, I don’t mind at all.

Bathing in mutual understanding, we found a new sort of comfort towards in each other. Nikki collects the bowls and tray, then proceeds to leave.  “That was a good start” I whisper to myself as I watched her leave, and then--realized, “Ah wait! Wait! Nikki, I have something to give you!”

“Hmm? Me?” she stops and turns her head towards me. “Yes! I made one for everyone, here, this one’s for you.” I gave her a simple, cyclamen pink bracelet. Not long ago, Cain gave me knitting materials when she found out that I crochet, I made everyone little bracelets after that.

“You don’t have to wear it~it’s just a little gift.” Her footsteps made no sound as she approached me. “Thanks.” She says and proceeds to the door, “I hope you enjoy the rest of the tour.” her voice lets out and, finally, she’s left the room. Faintly, I could hear her have a short conversation with someone who sounded like Imus. He’s hasn’t been around the Train much since their alpha disappeared but I can recognize his voice or, more-like , his silent but intimidating, as if like a giant looming planet, tone. They seem to talk about something serious. I could only make out a gist of their conversation, “it’s watching carefully” amid their murmurs. I wonder if I should be concerned about that.