Howl Your Appellations

It was a Mistake

BOEN OPEOR

It all doesn’t make sense. What the heck happened that would make her do this to me? Well one thing that was predictable about her is that she never tells me the specifics and... maybe she never will. Something tells me that if I don’t do as she says, I’ll lose everything. The sky slowly darkens and forms clouds that start to let go of captive rain, seemingly aware of its worst and perfect timing. The rain mingles with the tears on my cheeks. I lifted myself up and instantly felt a stinging pain on my wrists. The bruises she inflicted throb and the discoloration gravely unsettles me. Purple always seemed like a nasty color. This is her reminder I think, whether she intended to or not. I limply trudge my way back to my cabin, dirt on my dress and mud on my hands. I just took a bath too.

The moment I entered, the house instantly turned gloomy, all the lights felt blaring and the brightness felt like an assault. I could get mad but there’s so much to be mad about and it’s just an excuse to resort back to old habits. I try to wipe my still flowing tears with my wrists but they sting. Do I remember how to treat a bruise? Her grip was so strong her whole hand left a purple impression around the skin of my arm. I don’t want anyone seeing or hearing about this, I have to take care of it as quickly as possible. If anyone finds out, I’ll be forced to go back to Holo. Sana gave me so little time to prepare that I can’t think straight! Calm down me, calm down me. Treat your bruises first.

I climbed up the foyer and had almost forgotten what I was doing. There’s still so much I haven’t untethered, and Soft is still out of trace. 

“What the f**k. I can’t just leave!!...No, no, no no. I’m not leaving but what do I do?...”

Let’s think about my bruises first let’s see, where are my cold compresses? I pace through the kitchen slowly. I’m not really sure if I brought cold compresses but I remember seeing two while I was looking around on the first day. I opened a lot of shelves then. The compresses were on the shelf under the kitchen sink, on grey and one blue. I put ice in them and proceeded to heal myself on the kitchen counter. I feel like one of those balancing performers minus the fact that I look stupid. I’ll do fifteen minutes on both sides of my arm. I can think of what to do while I wait.

Lissana clearly wants me to go away so I think I just need to do that. If she can tell where I am because of my moon ring, I’ll have to leave it in its box. I don’t know how to feel about it at the moment anyway. I cherished it for such a long time. But where will I go? I can’t stay at Isa’s, she’ll ask too many questions, and I don’t know where Beanie lives. I know a couple of people in the city but I can’t trust them enough, hotels are going to ask for my name too. I want to stay rather close so I can come back as soon as possible. Where do I go? 

This was when a sudden image entered my head. I don’t know if it’s just my panicking brain or a sign but maybe I should go back to where I found the wolf girl, Reese. Maybe I was meant to meet her and not Lissana. That it was a mistake to trust Sana in the first place. I know she thinks she’s doing this for my own good but I can’t trust her enough, she’s too indecisive, it’s like she’s only a puppet of the forest, not able to decide on a stance...or maybe she chose the forest over me? That’s mostly likely the answer. I don’t know how grave the situation is, which makes me so pissed off at Sana right now, if she could have told me instead of being so scared I would have...sigh. It’s no use, if this is how she is then I’d rather not involve myself with her anymore. I don’t care if she marked me or whatever she said she did. I’m done.

She needs me to leave so all I need to do is leave, right? She didn’t tell me to leave the city or the forest...she just told me to leave...Aaaagghhhhh!!! Be specific for once you entire i***t!

I flipped my arms and placed the cold compresses on the bruises on my  forearm. One thing’s for sure, she was serious enough to hurt me. I can’t just wait for the moment she decides to trash the house. I bet she’s still around here, she won’t be able to know if I left otherwise. Alright! Now to carefully plan out what I’m going to do.

I finished up with my bruises and applied a little bit of aloe vera cream on it. I’ll have to cover it so it won’t get worse. I’m not the clumsiest person but the forest has branches and rocks, it's better to be prepared. I took the black brown long fingerless gloves I crocheted for fun a long time ago and used it to cover my bruises. I intended to give it away since I didn’t like the color I used but the little ribbons I shoddily plastered made me digress. I’m a sucker for tiny ribbons, obviously.

I prepared my Hemp Lunar patchwork rucksack since it’s the most durable pack I have. I put a few clean clothes, water bottles, a lighter, a strong flashlight, and two bags of trail mix in it. I charged everything I needed to charge and queued a few massages just in case I take too long. I microwaved dinner for myself while untangling what I can of the rest of the fea parts. I really want to untangle more of them but I don’t have the time right now. I’ll come back, definitely.

Wasn’t going to leave without making sure that Soft’s alive so I prepared dinner for her and looked for her everywhere I can. I don’t normally go up the second floor for reasons other than to find a few books to read in the reading room. And since the rooms up there are locked.  Soft manages to enter them through the decorative wall holes situated near the ceiling. I call her name while carrying around her food bowl with her favorite meal.

“Soft! You don’t have to show yourself! All I need is a meow so I know that you’re still here! Please baby~!” I pleaded. I waited in front of every door for a reply and then, I heard it. Soft meows loudly behind the main bedroom, my grandpa’s bedroom.

“Soft?! How did you get in there? There are no wall windows, how, why? Sigh. Okay. I’ll be off for a bit okay? I’ll leave your food here. I’ll be sure to come back in a day or two. The dispenser will be responsible for your food for now, okay?” She meows as if she understands the situation. She’s a smart cat, if anything bad happens I’m sure she’ll find some way to survive with the tricks she learned when she was a stray.

I left her food bowl in front of the bedroom door. The bright white wood stains my eyes, making me blink them with a hard close. The door can be disorienting. It’s white is a different kind of white, it’s almost like it’s made of light, of course this is a bit of an exaggeration but the door and the room doesn’t feel like it should be opened or seen. Cats are gifted by the elements I suppose, that’s why they’re allowed to do all sorts of crazy things, like entering an impossible room for example.

I check everything and make sure that I have what I need. I decided to take my baton too just in case I need to defend myself. I’m not sure how durable it is since I just bought it for the pretty design, it’s more of a wand than a baton, if you base things on looks.

“CLANG!!!” I bashed the baton against one of the columns of the cabin. It made dust fall from the ceiling but the baton is still perfectly intact. My impulse buying finally justified and proved to be helpful for once. Before I read the book or when I learned about the Weres, I acted as if it would be so easy to just up and leave for the city when it gets too dangerous and while that is the best course of action, I don’t think it’s  that simple anymore. I may have learned too much and now that I know about the faes and what my grandpa did, I can’t just leave. If what Beanie said was true, that the forest would protect me, then I have nothing to worry about.

I take one last survey of the living room, the conversation pit full of precious wood. I decided to take the one Soft brought me with me. I covered it with a small towel and placed it safely inside my pack. I think it’s one of the special ones, but that’s just what my gut says. I take off wearing my black metallic mid-calf boots and set off to find Reese.