Chapter 17
1194 Words
“Well, there it is,” I said. “My problems.”
I rubbed at my face.
“Children are starving in Africa, and I’m sitting here crying about boys. I shouldn’t have told you any of this.”
“No,” Titus said. “You needed to talk to someone.”
“Of all people, it had to be you.”
His expression tightened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m sorry. You’re just…intense.”
“Intense?”
“You can be fun, I guess, but I’ve only ever known you from a distance. You always seem like you have everything together. Like you shouldn’t care about this kind of crap.” I gestured vaguely between us. “You have volleyball. You have your life. You have friends. You’re nice, but you aren’t exactly approachable in this way.”
Titus made a face.
“I’m not trying to offend you.”
“You’re doing a really bad job.”
“I realize that.”
“You know me from a distance?” he asked. “You notice me? You’ve analyzed me enough to decide who I am?”
“It’s kind of difficult not to notice you, Titus.”
Crap.
I was unintentionally hitting on him now.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
Of course he focused on that part.
“You walk into a room, and people notice. You have that image. That look.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
His mouth curved slightly.
“So you think I’m hot?”
“I really don’t need my life becoming any more complicated than it already is, Titus.”
“It’s fine if you do.”
“I am not sitting here while you comfort me on my bed in your underwear and telling you that you’re hot.”
“You basically just did.”
He chuckled.
I looked away. “What is my life?”
“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about that.”
“Good.”
“And yes,” he continued, “I realize I give off this whole don’t mess with me, I’m mysterious and have everything together thing.”
“You do.”
“My life isn’t perfect either, Augie.”
I looked at him.
“We don’t have to get into my problems tonight,” he said. “Just understand there are things happening with me too.”
I nodded. “Okay. Golden boy isn’t so golden.”
“I didn’t say that.”
I laughed, even as fresh tears gathered in my eyes from the strange mixture of humiliation, exhaustion, and relief.
Titus watched me for a moment before asking, “So what are you going to do about Bryson?”
“I’m going to do something.”
“You should.”
“I realize that.”
“Have you told Cal anything?”
“No.”
“He knows Bryson upset you.”
“He doesn’t understand why, and I can’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
“Because Cal can’t know I’m gay.”
“Why?”
“He wouldn’t understand.”
“I think he might understand more than you expect.”
“You didn’t hear the way he talked about those lesbian women.”
“He sounded ignorant, not hateful.”
“That’s easy to say when it isn’t your friendship at risk.”
Titus considered that.
“Do you have feelings for Cal?”
I looked down.
“I used to.”
“That wasn’t exactly an answer.”
“I still kind of do,” I admitted. “But I’ve spent most of my life trying to kill those feelings.”
“Why?”
“Because the kind of guys I’m attracted to aren’t attracted to me.”
“Bryson is attracted to you.”
“I’m not even sure about that anymore. Sometimes I think he only uses me.”
“Yes, he does,” Titus said.
I glanced at him.
“But I still think something real exists there,” he continued. “He’s just too much of a coward to embrace it.”
I didn’t answer.
Instead, I found myself looking at Titus.
His curly hair still looked perfect despite the long night. His chest was perfect too. Everything about him seemed designed to remind me that some people moved through the world differently than I did.
He had always looked so intense. So untouchable.
The kind of person whose world would never overlap with mine.
Yet there he was.
Half naked on my bed, listening to me talk about my secret boyfriend.
Heat spread across my face.
I looked away.
“What?” Titus asked.
“I can’t believe you’re here.”
“Why?”
“I never thought someone like you would notice me.”
“Someone like me?”
“You know what I mean.”
“I’m not some god.”
I looked at him.
Then I looked away again.
Titus’s eyebrows rose.
“You think I’m a god?”
“Not literally.”
“Wait.” His smile grew. “Have you been crushing on me from a distance?”
“Let’s not open doors we can’t close.”
“It’s okay if you have. A lot of people do.”
I stared at him.
“Wow.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Golden boy has an ego too.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“Fine, Titus. Yes. I think you’re extremely attractive.”
His smile remained.
“And now,” I continued, “this is your cue to get off my bed, put your clothes back on, and leave.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“Titus.”
“And I’m not putting my clothes back on.”
I shook my head.
“There’s nothing wrong with you being attracted to me,” he said.
“Everything is already complicated. I don’t need anything else.”
“What’s complicated about this?”
I looked at him incredulously.
“You think I’m hot,” he continued. “Okay. And I want to know you better because I think you deserve someone in your corner while you’re going through this.”
“Don’t do that.”
“I’m doing it anyway.”
“It’s dangerous.”
“I don’t care.”
Titus placed an arm around my shoulders.
His body was warm and strong against mine. He wasn’t pulling me into an embrace or trying to make the moment romantic. It felt more like something one friend might do for another.
That didn’t make it any easier for me.
“I don’t have any self-control,” I said.
He looked amused. “What, are you going to jump my bones?”
“No.”
“Good to know.”
“I’m going to struggle to tell the difference between friendship and a crush.”
“Then I’ll be honest with you.”
“About what?”
“Everything.”
His arm stayed around me.
“But I think I’m going to help you.”
I looked at him. “What?”
Titus smiled.
“I have an idea.”
- Writer
