Choosing August

Chapter 1

Where I live isn’t exactly the country, but it isn’t quite the city either.

Talon Lake is an interesting place. It has enough money that people consider it desirable—a cool community, a nice place to settle down—but it isn’t so wealthy that everyone feels untouchable or elite. There are expensive neighborhoods, prep schools, private clubs, and families whose names seem to matter more than they should. At the same time, there are still ordinary people trying to make rent, working two jobs, and figuring out what they’re supposed to do with their lives.

I attended one of the college prep academies.

Technically, most of the students there were already college age, including me. I was eighteen, going on nineteen, and unlike many of the people around me, I was doing it almost entirely on my own.

I had little to no family. At least, none I could depend on.

Luckily, I had earned a scholarship. Without it, there was no chance I would have been able to attend the academy. Even with the scholarship, surviving wasn’t easy. I had to keep my grades up, manage my expenses, and make sure I didn’t do anything that might jeopardize the one real opportunity I had been given.

My studies should have been my only focus.

They weren’t.

Talon Lake was big enough that you could meet new people regularly, but small enough that you still seemed to know everyone—or at least know someone who knew them. It was a strange balance. You could disappear into a crowd for a while, but never completely. Eventually, somebody recognized you.

So there I was, trying to build a future for myself, while three different men constantly occupied my thoughts.

Oh, and I’m gay.

That was probably important to mention.

I hadn’t officially come out, although I wasn’t sure who I would even come out to. Like I said, I had little to no family. There were people who treated me somewhat like family, or at least claimed to look out for me, but I wasn’t convinced any of them would react well.

Most of the gay people they knew—or thought they knew—were the kind they saw on television. Rainbow flags. Drag shows. Loud political arguments. Every stereotype bundled together into one person.

I wasn’t against any of that. It simply wasn’t me.

Then again, I wasn’t entirely sure what being gay was supposed to mean for me. I didn’t have anyone to show me. No older brother, cousin, or trusted adult who could explain how any of it worked. I was figuring it out alone, mostly through mistakes, secrets, and feelings I rarely admitted out loud.

That brought me back to the three men.

First, there was Calvin.

I called him Cal.

Cal had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, and I had carried a crush on him for almost as long. Eventually, I managed to kill it. Or bury it deeply enough that it no longer controlled me.

He was dating a girl now.

We would get to her later.

Even with the girlfriend, I mattered to him. He checked in on me. His family had become something close to my own, although I tried not to rely on them too heavily. I had my own life, and Cal had his. He had his major, his interests, his plans, and now his relationship.

Lately, we hadn’t been as close.

That didn’t make him a bad person. Cal was a good guy. One of the best people I knew, honestly. I had no idea where I would be without him.

I only wished I didn’t feel as though I were slowly losing him.

Then there was Bryson.

Bryson had been my best friend too, though whatever existed between us now had become much harder to define.

He was one of the only people who officially knew I was gay.

That was because I was, technically, his secret boyfriend.

At least, I thought that was what we were.

Bryson refused to go public with our relationship. He promised he would eventually, usually when we were alone and he could hold me close without worrying about who might see. He said he needed time. He said people wouldn’t understand. He said things would change once he figured out how to handle everything.

Lately, however, he felt a million miles away.

That might have had something to do with his girlfriend.

She wasn’t a secret.

I was.

Bryson could lead her around campus, sit beside her at events, laugh with her in public, and let everyone assume they knew exactly what they were to each other. Meanwhile, I waited for whatever private moments he was willing to give me.

He told me he loved me.

He said I made him feel things no one else could. He claimed his relationship with her was about appearances, expectations, and protecting the life everyone expected him to have.

Watching them together still hurt.

It hurt every single time.

But I got him privately.

Shouldn’t that have been enough?

Then there was Titus.

I wasn’t entirely certain Titus knew I existed.

He was unobtainable. Straight as anyone could possibly be. Talon Lake’s sand volleyball king, or close enough to it. I was fairly sure he had gone to state three times. He might have even won during his senior year. I could never remember the exact details, mostly because I made a point not to learn too much.

Following his life too closely would have been dangerous.

The last thing I needed was to become obsessed with someone like Titus.

He was beautiful. Perfect, almost. Quiet in a way that made him seem even more unapproachable. He didn’t seek attention, which somehow made everyone notice him more.

He never saw me.

But I saw him.

There was something naturally magnetic about Titus. He didn’t have to flirt or show off. He could simply enter a room, and my breath disappeared.

I was drawn to him in a way I couldn’t explain.

That was exactly why I avoided him.

We didn’t run in the same circles. He had more money than I did, although that wasn’t unusual at the academy. He had friends I barely knew and a life I had no place in.

Cal and Bryson were attractive too. All three of them were beautiful in completely different ways.

Titus was something else.

He was the fantasy—the impossible person I could admire from a distance because nothing would ever happen between us. There was a certain safety in that. Titus couldn’t break my heart if he never knew he had it.

So that was my situation.

I had a best friend I feared I was losing.

I had another best friend who had become my secret lover, even though being with him hurt me almost every day.

And then I had the fantasy.

Some life, huh?

God, sometimes I wished I were straight.