Shattered Ice

What lies beneath

*Caleb*

I’m falling, helpless to stop it, unable to scream. It’s dark and the air is thick, suffocating. A huge figure looms over me, pressing down, its shadow swallowing the light. I try to scream again, but my voice is lost in the weight of it, the pressure pinning me to the ground. Just when I think it’s going to crush me entirely, I jerk awake.

Sunlight slices through the curtains, stabbing my eyes. My head feels like it’s been used as a punching bag, and a wave of nausea rolls through me. I groan, the sound muffled and distant, as I blink against the harsh brightness.

What happened?

I sit up, wincing as the memories come crashing back… laughter, loud music, and the burning sting of whiskey. My stomach churns in protest, and I stumble out of bed, gripping the edge of the nightstand to steady myself.

A shower. That’s what I need.

I wash away the remnants of the night, along with the sweat from the nightmare, letting the water cascade over me until it’s scalding. The steam wraps around me like a comforter, but it can’t erase the gnawing guilt festering in my gut. I messed up. Again.

Once I’m clean, at least physically, I throw on some comfortable clothes, my body still feeling fragile and worn. I shuffle into the living room, the sunlight pouring in through the windows. But instead of the quiet solitude I expect, I find Ginnie curled up on the couch, her chest rising and falling rhythmically as she sleeps. Butterscotch rolled up next to her legs.

My heart stutters at the sight. She looks so peaceful, hair spilling over the cushions, one arm dangling off the edge. But that peace feels like a stark contrast to the tempest inside me. I wish I could recapture that moment of joy I felt when she smiled at me on the beach yesterday morning. But right now I remember how disappointment radiated off her last night, and I know I’ve let her down.

I take a moment to watch her, the way her lashes flutter slightly even in sleep, and I’m struck by how much I care about her opinion of me. It’s a raw and painful truth, one I am not used to, instead I have sought validation in all the wrong places.

I know she feels like I ghosted her. Like I pushed her aside for a night of mindless partying. But it wasn’t like that… not really. But how Can I explain? I can’t tell her that I heard her… that her words got to me.

I decide to let her sleep a little longer, but my resolve breaks when she stirs. Her brow furrows, and for a split second, I see a flicker of anger flash across her features before she settles back into slumber. I might as well get it over with.

“Ginnie,” I whisper, but my voice is rough, the remnants of last night’s debauchery still clinging to me. I step closer, stealing myself. “Wake up.”

She shifts again, finally blinking awake, and when our eyes meet, I brace myself for the onslaught of disappointment I know is coming.

“Caleb.” Her voice is thick with sleep but laced with an edge. I can feel the tension in the air, like static before a storm. “You’re awake… And you look almost alive.”

“Yeah,” I reply, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly. “Sorry about last night. I…”

“Save it.” She cuts me off, her tone sharp and unyielding. “You ghosted me. You were supposed to come over, but you just disappeared to go party like it was no big deal.”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“Didn’t mean to? You think I’m just going to accept that? Then you called and… I was worried, Caleb. I thought something had happened to you.” Her eyes blaze as she scratches Butterscotch behind the ears, and I take a step back, the words choking in my throat.

“I didn’t think…” I start, but the words slip away.

“No, you didn’t think. You never do.” She stands up, arms crossed tightly over her chest, a wall built high between us. “You just… went and acted like an idiot.”

I swallow hard, the weight of her disappointment slamming into me like a freight train. “I know I messed up. I’m sorry, Ginnie. I’m really sorry.”

She shakes her head, her expression softening for just a moment before hardening again. “Sorry doesn’t fix this. You need to start thinking about the people you affect with your actions. You need to stop ruining you career.”

“I’m trying,” I say, desperation creeping into my voice. “I really am.”

“Trying isn’t enough when you keep making the same mistakes.” Her voice trembles, and I can see the fight in her waning. “You can’t keep doing this, Caleb.”

I step forward, my heart pounding in my chest. “I know I am nothing but a savage right, a lost cause.”

She holds my gaze, and for a moment, the world around us fades. All I can see is the fear in her eyes, the uncertainty, and it shatters something deep within me. “What are you talking about Caleb? Sure you f****d up, and not for the first time, but that’s a harsh way to see yourself.”

“It’s what everyone is thinking, isn’t it, Ginnie? I know I’m a mess,.” I say shaking my head. “But I want to stay, and I want to play, after all it is the only thing I am good at.”

She searches my face, and I can see the war raging within her. She is unsure if I am worth it..

“I will do my best to make sure you are not traded,” she finally says, her voice barely above a whisper. “Just… don’t make me regret it.”

“I won’t,” I promise, right now it doesn’t matter what she thinks of me. I can’t afford to mess this up again.