Something To Live For

Mind Wars

Cynthia sat in the backyard, sobbing quietly. Scarlett, in her crib, stared at her as she suckled at her pacifier.

"Don't look at me that way" Cynthia said, as she pulled Scarlett out of her crib and cradled her in her arms.

She had come to love this family like her very own, even more. Scarlett was her very own child. She had been nursing her since birth. Why then did Phil have to marry Binta? She asked herself.

She had been telling herself all this while that what she felt for Phil was nothing more than pity. Why then was she feeling like she had lost something very precious?

There was no denying it anymore. She had come to feel more than pity towards Phil. She had started loving him. No, it seems she already loves him so much now. And Phil, the way he looked at her, had the eyes of someone in love. She had seen it in his eyes, the way he spoke to her, the things he did for her. They all reflected his love for her. They were a silent confession of his love for her.

But, if all these were true, if she were in fact right, why then did he choose to marry Binta?

As she continued crying and asking herself “Why?” over and over again, she failed to take notice of Phil, who was standing directly behind her the whole time.

He reached out to touch, no comfort her, but suspended his arms in mid-air. His heart was pained. He languished in self- torment and pain. Was he even worthy of comforting her? He asked himself. How was he even going to do that? He knew her tears were somewhat related to him and the incident that had just taken place. But, why exactly was she crying this much? Did she feel betrayed? Or was it because of how Binta spoke to her? Perhaps it was because the news was broken to her in such a way. Or could it be that she bore the same feelings for him as he does her?

He froze at the thought of Cynthia being in love with him too, his hands still halfway across Cynthia’s shoulders.

Finally making up his mind and winning the battle that was going on in his head, he drew the crying Cynthia and Scarlett into his arms. Not knowing what to say or what to tell her, he resorted to patting her back gently as a way of offering her comfort, till her sobs died down.

They stood like that, lost in thoughts and the warmth of their embrace, until Scarlett’s cry brought them out of their reveries.

Meanwhile, Binta stood and watched from the window. Was she making a terrible mistake by letting Cynthia stay behind? She didn’t think so.

“These two clearly have some chemistry between them. What if Phil somehow finds a way to get rid of me to be with her? What if he begins to cheat on me with her? No way!”

She was never going to let that happen. She was going to quickly do something. She immediately devised a plan to destroy whatever relationship that was beginning to brew between Phil and Cynthia.

Walking back into the house, Phil was met by a fuming Binta. She dragged him by the elbow and led him into the room, leaving Cynthia shocked.

Of course, there was no need for her to be shocked. These two were going to be married. Therefore, Binta had every right to be angry at her for getting so close to her soon-to-be husband. She could only pray that Binta wouldn’t change her mind and kick her out of the house. She wouldn’t be able to bear it. The thought of being separated from Scarlett pricked her heart and she shed a lonely tear.

Meanwhile, inside the room, Binta berated Phil for getting so close to Cynthia. She threatened and warned him to never try that again.

“How dare you try to get intimate with another woman in front of me?” she hollered. “Don’t you ever try that again or else… You know very well what I’m capable of” she said before walking out of the room, leaving Phil speechless.

Phil stood there in silence. He was in a fix. He knew he loved Cynthia and she loved him as well. But he couldn’t. No! He wouldn’t try to build any kind of relationship with Cynthia because of Binta. Not because he was scared of Binta, but because he was scared of what she could do. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Most of all, Cynthia. He didn’t want to hurt her in any way at all. If avoiding her would help keep her safe, then that’s just what he’d do. Making up his mind, he walked out of the room.

Cynthia was still standing by the door when Binta walked out. Without even turning to look at her, she left the house. Cynthia watched Binta walk out angrily, her eyes following her out. Turning back to look at the door, she saw Phil slumped at the doorway. She walked towards him and stretched out her hand to help him up but instead, he took her hand, dragged her down and pulled her to himself, pressing his lips on hers and kissing her passionately.

She was shocked at the sudden change of positions but started responding to his kisses in no time. Opening up her mouths and allowing him to delve deeper, their tongues danced about, playing tag with each other. He pressed her to him, freeing her hands so they could roam, while his own hands moved up and down her back. Slowly, his hands wound their way to under her dress. He traced his fingers along her thighs causing her to sigh in anticipation. They moved further up, causing her to hold her breathe without realizing. Then suddenly, he withdrew his hands. Her pushed her away gently to look at her face. She blushed slightly all the while looking down.

She quickly got up, dusted herself and ran out without looking back. Her mind was in a haze. Her entire body quivered. She couldn’t allow things to go further than this though she desperately wanted him to continue. She loved his touch, his kiss, his embrace. She wanted more. She wanted to be his and his alone. But she couldn’t afford it. Her fate was cruel because she couldn’t love her man the way she wanted to. And now, he’s getting married to another. She wondered why he needed to marry Binta. Couldn’t he just call off the wedding? Perhaps he has a candid reason for staying with her.

She let her tears flow advice random thoughts ran through her mind. She remained at the door post till sunset before turning back into the house. She found Phil and Scarlett in the living room, with Phil trying his best to feed her. She watched him struggle before she moved to help him out. She sat besides him, took Scarlett into her arms and took the bottle from him. When she was done feeding Scarlett, she handed her back to Phil and went into her room.

**************

A few hours later, Phil walked into her room. It was already dark outside. He had clearly managed to put Scarlett back to sleep. She had just stepped out of the bathroom and was tying a towel across her chest when he knocked and came in without waiting for a reply. She knew he was worried beacishe had skipped dinner and had not spoken to him since.

Phil had contemplated how he’d face Cynthia after what he had done. He was worried she was avoiding him and that was why she skipped her meal. He stood at the door before summoning the courage to knock. Bracing himself and squaring his shoulders, he knocked on her door but immediately regretted doing so.

“She could have slept already and that would have been the reason she didn’t come out. But what if something bad really happened to her?” He pushed the door open in alarm, deciding to act on his second line of thought. Bursting into the room with the look of worry clearly etched on his face, he caught Cynthia off guard. She stumbled a little and nearly fell but he was quick to catch her in time.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he held her shoulders, trying to balance her, all the while looking worriedly at her.

“Yes” she managed to reply, her eyes focused on the ground.

Not satisfied with her short reply, his eyes searched her face for any signs of pains or discomfort and when he noticed she wouldn’t look at him, he proceeded to let his eyes fall lower than that. Immediately, the worried look on his face was replaced with one of awe and adoration. He let husband eyes trail from her chest, her bare arms to her beautiful and spotless laps. He couldn’t take hi so wyes off her. She was like a goddess at that moment. Absolutely beautiful and astonishing. He wanted to take her in his arms right there and then. He wanted to kiss her like he did before. No!! He had come to apologize. He wouldn’t be taken over by his desires again.

He stepped back and was about leaving when Cynthia caught him by his arm. She walked towards him and planted a wet kiss on his lips. Startled, his eyes flew wide open but then he held her too and deepened the kiss.