Savage Pride

23

Z never forgets his anger, no matter how many times I try to reach out. One week later. One month. One year. I’ve lost my friend forever, and though I don’t cry about it anymore, the loss of his friendship is like a broken bone that won’t heal. Reminders of him are everywhere, stirring up a dull ache when I let myself remember how much fun we used to have. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I’d simply played Halo with them instead of fussing. But it’s pointless to think about because I did fuss, and nothing has been the same since. OceanofPDF.com “Mind if I join you?” Gia pokes her head out the door to where I’m sitting on the back porch. “Not at all. In fact, there’s something I wanted to tell you about.” “How intriguing. I’m all ears.” She sits on the bench next to me with her knees angled toward me. “I was talking with Nevio after the funeral today, and he implied that somehow Zeno was responsible for him being sent to boarding school. Do you know anything about that?” I’d been thinking about what he’d said all afternoon and about Zeno’s comments as well. “No, but I wasn’t ever as close to them as you were. Zeno had already graduated and moved out when Nevio went away. How could he have been responsible?” “I’m not sure. I could have sworn I was told he left because of grades, but he said it had nothing to do with that. He didn’t say anything more, and I wasn’t going to push him while we were standing at his father’s graveside.” “Of course, not. I’m surprised he even mentioned it.” “He was upset about not being closer with his father. Says he blames Zeno.” Gia sighs into the night air. “Those guys were always competitive, and Z was Silvano’s mini-me. I could imagine that was hard on Nevio. He and his dad butted heads all the time—Silvano never could understand Nevio’s laid-back temperament. Look at their positions in the family. Z has advanced faster, and Nevio probably feels like he lives in his brother’s shadow. I can’t imagine my father being my boss and knowing he refused to promote me above an entry-level position while my brother was poised to take over.” “Very true. Though, that doesn’t exactly explain how Zeno could be responsible for Nevio being sent to boarding school. I don’t know what happened, but I hate that something obviously came between them.” Between all of us. “Maybe when the time is right, you can ask one of them.” “We’ll see. It’s a conversation that needs to take place in person, and I’m not here very often. Who knows what kind of mood they’ll be in over the next couple of days.” “Speaking of moods, you never did tell me what you and Z talked about after lunch. He sure seemed upset.” My shoulders sag. “I lost my temper and made some accusations. He said words of his own. It wasn’t particularly pretty.” “Oh, Isa. I’m sorry.” Her delicate hand comes to rest on my forearm, and I appreciate her understanding. Unfortunately, her empathy connects with the emotions I’ve been battling to keep suppressed and enables them to push to the surface. My chin quivers, and tears pool in my eyes. “It’s just been a crazy couple of days, and I wasn’t prepared.” The words are spoken on a breath because my voice has abandoned me. Spending time with Zeno after only the briefest of encounters for years is an emotional landmine. To learn he’s pushed Nevio away as well makes me want to rage at him even more. Then there’s my family. The issues beneath my parents’ roof are so vast I want to run back to the city to hide from the oppressive weight of it all. Gia and her hopeless longing. Livia’s inability to consider anyone but herself. And now, my parents’ marriage was little more than a sham. Coming home has been so disheartening that I’m already dreading future visits. I’ll still come back, but the thought is daunting, and I hate that. I want to look forward to spending time with my family. Gia scoots closer and pulls me into a hug. “Don’t cry, Isa. Everything will work out, I promise.” She’s using her most comforting mom voice, and it’s almost enough for me to believe her. I desperately want to believe her. “I’m okay, just tired.” I squeeze the last of the tears from my eyes before pulling away and wiping the moisture from my cheeks. “Thanks, G. You always find a way to make me feel better.” “I’m glad because I can’t stand to see you cry.” I smile reassuringly. “Such a softy.” “Guilty. Now, if you’re okay, I’m going to head to bed. You coming?” “Let me text Grace, and I’ll be up.” She’d reached out hours ago, but I’d been too distracted to reply. “Sounds good.” Gia kisses my forehead and disappears inside. The woods are dark, but the kitchen light casts a soft glow on the patchy grass beyond the back porch. Most of the other lights in the house are off. Mom and Dad went to bed an hour ago, and Livia has yet to come home from wherever she disappeared to. After checking my phone, I respond to Grace’s message asking about the day without going into detail about Nevio’s comments or my encounter with Z or my father’s revelations. Those are conversations better had in person, but I’m not sure I even want to do that. Partly because I fear giving voice to my worries will make them all more real. Other parts simply feel too personal. Maybe once I sort things out in my head and figure out how I feel about it all, I can share, but until then, the things I learned today will stay with me. I stand and stretch, my body tight from sitting on the hard bench for so long, then quietly make my way inside. As soon as I shut the back door, I hear whispered voices coming from the living room. I strain my ears and realize there’s only one voice—my mother—and she’s talking frantically to someone on the phone. Unable to help myself, I silently move closer until I can make out her end of the conversation. “I told you, I’ll get the rest … No, you don’t need to do that … but … I’m not being difficult, I swear … Okay … A week? … There’s no way … Please, Aldo … Aldo?” She’s quiet for several counts before her fist pounds the sofa, and she hisses a string of curses.