When She Cries

A Beautiful Wondrous Disaster

I found a friend in Tristan. He had been my companion all throughout my tour here in Palawan. A trip I took to be alone, to think, to reflect upon what I had with Gino. It was supposed to be a retreat, a moment of silence, a time to be away with the toxic situation. It was supposed to be the trip that will help me decide the fate of my relationship, of my marriage. But then I met Tristan, things shifted. I enjoyed his company, for once I get to be with someone who knows nothing of my baggage. A fresh start, to be with someone who doesn' judge me of my past. I simply enjoyed our conversations, I felt light, and my baggage was temporarily lifted with him doing it unintentionally. He sees me as someone broken but never bothered to ask the reason why. For once I had felt valued, appreciated for what I truly am, and not because of how my mistake defines me. In just a matter of days, it may be a little too exaggerated, but Tristan has been my confidante. The person who saved me from sinking in my own depressive state.

It was our last night in the city, Tristan and I decided to hang out in a bar near our hotel. It was known to be the pub for the broken-hearted. They had a freedom wall, where customers can write anything, or express themselves. They have poetry night like anyone can share or simply express themselves in an open mic. I find it so unique, not a typical pub where you hear lively loud music, the bar played mellow sad songs. It was trending online, and I decided to spend my last night in that pub. It might give me the answers I am looking for or can talk sense in my crowded thoughts.

We find our seats and ordered a drink. I enjoyed the spoken poetry, mostly about teenage love, or unrequited love. Some are of gratitude or the feeling of being in love. But comes one man who dedicated his poetry to his woman.

Spoken Poetry in the background, the man started to speak:

" You are an answered prayer, I met you on the time I was so desperate to be with someone. I admit I dated a lot of girls before you, but it's you who I felt my world stopped, where I can hear bells ringing. It is you who made me realize, that true love exists." He then went down the stage to approach his woman and began to kneel. " I'm not your ideal man, I'm not perfect, I have my own share of flaws, but thank you for loving me. Thank you for believing in me, despite my mistakes. Now it's my time to give you the love you deserve, let me take care of you, be my only woman. Will you marry me?"

The crowd was applauding, cheering. I see myself smiling, but I can't seem to control my tears. It started to fall one by one. I remembered the time Gino proposed to me over the mountains. How the feelings were surreal, images of how happy I am on that day. Perfect images of a happy couple painted right before my eyes but shattered in just one snapped. I was on a fantasy state, then reality slaps me right on the face. Gino and I did not fulfill our vows, we gave up so easily. We let emotions got in the way, dictate how we are supposed to react. We failed as a couple. Then thoughts of failing as a wife, I failed him. I decided to run away, instead of facing him. Tears continued to fall. I do not know if it's me who is talking or the alcohol is talking.

Tristan went near me, he gave me a hug to calm me down. But I continued to cry, " I had only one mistake, but I learned from that mistake. I admit it's my fault, but I had already suffered enough from his hands, I just let his mistake slipped. I did not bother to ask him about that f*****g lipstick on the shirt. I gained weight, a lot of weight because I find comfort in food. We lived in the same house, but he didn't notice how alone I am. He didn't even bother to ask me, he complains a lot. About going abroad, about everything. I'm just tired, so tired. I lost my passion for anything because of him, but I never get an apology. He is basically blaming me for everything, is that even fair? "

" Calm down Bella. Some people may see you by your mistakes. They simply got stuck on that day that you made that mistake. For them, it's something that defines you. He may felt betrayed, it might really hard for him to let go. But what's important Bella is, you don't have to be like them. You don't have to prove your worth, or worst try to gain them back. You have to move on and wait for time to heal the wounds. If you can't heal them, then let them be. They will soon realize what they lost. You did your best, you gave your all, and that's what matters. Regain your old self Bella, you can't please everyone. " Tristan said.

I slowly calm myself down, " Can I ask you something? "

" Sure, ask me anything. " He replied

" Am I ugly? I know I'm fat. But can you tell me why you approached me that night? " I leaned on him, waiting for some answers.

He looked me in the eyes, " I was sitting across your table that night, I was looking at you and asking myself why such a pretty face has these sad eyes. I can sense that you are alone, lonely, and maybe needed a companion. I approached, and ask if I can sit beside you right? wanted to start a conversation, but I chose to give you space. On that night, I can't stop thinking about you. I can't seem to let go of those eyes who needed saving. That's why I was so happy when I knew that you were also on that tour. You are so special Bella, I chose not to ask the reason why, because I wanted you to remember the happy moments on the tour and not the reason why you are alone on this tour. "

I felt I had more alcohol intake than my normal dosage, things started to whirl, and I can't see him that clearly. I just started laughing like a crazy fool. We definitely enjoyed our last night in Palawan. We sing, danced, and just like two drunk people who care less about those people around us. It feels good to let loose, and not be afraid of being judge. To have Tristan around in this huge baggage of emotions, made me feel so safe.

It was already dawn when we decided to go back to the hotel. He accompanied me back to my room. " So here we are. " I smiled at him, I was staring at his face like a child who wanted a kiss and a hug. He was staring back at me. Then he leaned closer and started to kiss me.

I did not hold back, I kissed him back. He pushed me and slowly closed the door behind him. He carried me, my legs were intertwined in his hips and slowly undressed me. He threw me on the bed, while he takes his clothes off and started kissing me on the neck. I can feel his gentle lips kissing me from the neck, going downwards. It felt so good, It felt so right, I was like making love for the first time.

I woke up in Tristan's arm. He cuddled me all night long, and I felt safe and secure. I felt happy. Never did it cross my mind that I am married. It never felt so wrong. It's like something inside me has awakened, it felt like I was alive. I stared at him sleeping, I can't help but smile. I felt happy at the same time sad, that this will be the last time that I'll be seeing him. In a matter of hours, he will be on his flight to Manila, while I'm on my flight back to Cebu. It might be in just a short period of time, but what's important is that I'm happy.

" Goodmorning Beautiful. " He smiled back and hugged me so tight. " I'm gonna miss you. "

Everything was packed, I'm ready to leave this wonderful city. My temporarily so-called safe haven. The van that will be picking us up will be here soon. We need to be in the lobby before it arrived.

Tristan and I agreed that what happened in the city stays in the city. We might not know what happens next, we may have mix emotions, feeling of not wanting to leave or maybe extend a few more days. But we have our own lives to face, I need to talk things out with Gino. Everything that I had realized throughout this trip. In just one week, a lot of things had happened, fate took its unexpected turn.

I arrived at the airport an hour before my flight. While waiting, I decided to check my social media. I received a lot of messages from my friends. They had been asking me about the trip, so one by one I replied to their messages. But I never received any messages from Gino. I made my own assumptions, maybe he just gave me the space I asked for.

I decided to call him, but his phone was unavailable. I tried asking my friends about him if there's any chance that he decided to contact them and ask about me. My friends gave me vague answers, others changed the topic, refused to answer me directly. I began to felt fear, thinking of what may happen.

" Passengers bound to Cebu on Flight CEB0625, your aircraft has arrived. prepare for boarding. " heard the announcement.

I better get going then. Unsure of what might happen with me and Gino, but I am sure excited to know what life has in store for me this time. " A well-recommended city, I was captivated by its wonders. I'm gonna miss you Palawan, this is Bella signing off, Cebu Here I come. " I put away my camera and started to prepare for boarding.