The Drowned Fear No Sea

4

Cael could clearly hear him moving about on his bed — dragging blankets over himself, claiming to be cold. One of them, without asking, he shoved out the window — for Cael. Then he kept tossing and turning for nearly an hour; the horrors he’d lived through wouldn’t let him sleep. A couple of times he called out softly, but Cael deliberately didn’t answer — the sooner he quieted down, the better. Cael only allowed himself to relax when he finally heard his steady, deep breathing.

The little goat Ray had fallen asleep at last. His little goat.

Cael furiously threw the blanket onto the floor. Not his! He needed to f**k more often so he wouldn’t get attached to everyone who crossed his path.

A strangled sound escaped his throat as he collapsed on top of the blanket. He was trembling — and not from the damn medicine. The signs of imprinting were unmistakable, and that terrified Cael down to his gut. He hadn’t lied when he said Ray smelled like prey to him — he’d just chosen a word that would scare him.

He smelled so good Cael could have torn apart anyone who so much as breathed near him. He wanted to guard him, to protect him like the most precious treasure. To lick him from head to toe — and, of course, to mate. But that last part would mean injury or even death for Ray, so Cael kept his distance. He promised himself he’d see a doctor in the upper city and have his hormones checked. Imprinting on a beta was impossible — so the problem had to be him.

Rolling onto his back, he silently asked the indifferent stars: why, and when the hell did my life fall completely apart?

Cael believed that alphas were meant to defend the country. Betas could handle business and build a peaceful nation — but alphas belonged on the battlefield. It was nearly impossible for an alpha to find fulfillment in civilian life, or so thought the young fool, raised on war stories and old propaganda reels. He had joined the army against the wishes of both parents, who were convinced they knew better how he should live.

His parents no longer lived together, but they still spoke — and on one thing they’d always agreed: no war. Zen grimaced, shoving away memories of their endless shouting matches. As if what they did was any better. He had called his father a criminal but couldn’t bring himself to insult his mother. He’d left home straight onto a train, which carried him eagerly to the first circle of hell.

Cael turned on his side, wondering where his parents were now. He hadn’t heard from his father in years. His mother was somewhere in high international offices, fighting for humanitarian aid and refugee quotas — doing her best for their country. And he was here… doing what he could. Cael hadn’t spoken to her since that day, but now he would. He’d shove some bigshot toward a red phone and call his mom.

He rolled onto his back again, searching the stars for any emotion — mockery, pity, approval. But the stars didn’t care. “We see the light of stars that died long ago,” a line from an old astronomy textbook floated up in his mind, and Zen tried to guess which of those shining dots was already dead.

He would call his mother and ask her to take Ray in. He’d tell her about the strange reaction, something close to imprinting, and she would understand. Ray would be safe with her, and Cael could finally sort himself out. He bit the inside of his cheek — think, don’t fall apart.

What if he refuses? Cael asked himself. Refuses what — to leave this hellhole? It sounded absurd, yet the doubt scratched unpleasantly at his thoughts.

Too bad he isn’t an omega…

Cael drew a deep breath. Even from here, he could smell him perfectly. Omegas didn’t smell like that — with them, Zen never lost control.

Too bad he isn’t an omega. The scent of omegas had always disgusted Cael. Good thing he isn’t one, he corrected bitterly — or else he’d never have known what it felt like to lose his mind over someone he barely knew. Just a few hours, and he was already soft enough to think of calling his mother.

Too bad he isn’t an omega. Cael closed his eyes and let himself sink into the fantasy. In it, Ray wanted him and could take him. He’d bite him, sealing the imprint. He’d let Cael mark him, claim him…

Cael consciously plunged into the dream, headfirst — which only made it worse when reality hit him: Ray. Was. Not. An. Omega.

And Cael had seen what happened to betas who crossed an alpha in rut. Someday he’d lose control. And when he came to… The picture in his mind was so horrific that he couldn’t hold back a groan.

“Zen?” Ray’s voice was anxious; his scent trembled with worry too. “You alive in there?”

Of course he was worried. If Cael died, what would become of him?

“Alive,” Zen chuckled without moving. “You’ll let me in?” he added without thinking.

The only reply was tense silence — and the sharp tang of fear.

“Say the password,” Ray suddenly demanded, nervous.

“What password?” Cael blinked in confusion, pushing himself up on one elbow.

“You know… what did the wolf say when he came to the seven little goats?” His voice shook, jumping with unease.

Cael burst out laughing and fell onto his back.

“Oh, I’d give you some milk, little goat,” he managed between fits of laughter, “but choking on c*m isn’t the best way to die, believe me.”

“You say that like you’ve got liters of it,” Ray snorted.

Zen grinned, though Ray couldn’t see it. “Liters or not…” he said, stepping toward the window.

Ray didn’t hide. He was sitting with his chin propped on the window frame. Cael leaned close until his nose nearly brushed his. He noticed how Ray’s pupils widened, how his breath quickened — then he pulled back, a crooked smile playing on his lips.

“Ever seen an alpha’s c**k, little goat?” Zen asked crudely on purpose. But Ray only laughed.

“Seen it, seen it,” he giggled, ducking away. “And I’ve seen beta porn too. The actresses seemed to like it…”

Cael suddenly felt a wave of anger. He’d seen that porn too, but he understood what it really meant: first, beta partners had to be carefully prepared for such s*x; and second, the alpha actors weren’t in rut. Did he really think this was something to joke about?

“Did that porn show you how a jaw dislocates from a knot swelling in your mouth?” Cael’s voice was rough; he barely stopped himself from punching the flimsy wall. “Or how teeth get knocked out trying to pull the knot free? Or how they snap a neck to shove the whole thing down a throat? Did you see that, Ray?”

Ray was silent. Cael strained his hearing — he must be crying. But Ray’s voice came back dry and flat:

“Those betas made a bet — that they’d impale Jess on eight c***s. Three in front, three behind, two in her mouth.”

He paused. When he spoke again, his voice rang with rage.

“They made me watch. I saw when one couldn’t fit in from behind.” His voice went flat again. “Then he took a knife and forced the blade between their bodies.”

“Enough!” Zen roared. He already knew what Ray was about to say — he’d seen the body. But Ray kept talking, stubbornly, stepping away from the window.

“He cut her wider, Cael. So he could fit. Two holes became one.”

Cael heard the latch slide, the lock click. Ray stepped away from the door and lay down on the bed, speaking in a quiet, even tone — he knew Zen could hear him clearly.

“She didn’t feel pain anymore. About ten minutes earlier, the two f*****g her mouth had finished. One of them squeezed her throat. I saw the moment she suffocated. They didn’t. They kept f*****g the corpse.”

Ray went silent. And Cael, who cursed himself three times over for starting that conversation, took a deep breath and pushed open the door. Damn hormones — raging, demanding he comfort, protect. But there was one good thing — instincts said you couldn’t hurt your pair. If he didn’t want s*x, Cael would endure.

He stepped into the cabin confidently; even surrounded by his scent, he could control himself now. Ray lay on the bed, nose to the wall.

“How’s this going to go?” he asked quietly, without turning.

Cael flinched — did he really think he’d come here to f**k him? Rage started bubbling again.

“Not like that,” he wanted to say cruelly, but the words wouldn’t come.

“You’ll lie still. Keep the shocker ready. I’ll lie next to you for a minute. Then I’ll get up and leave. Got it, little goat?”

Ray looked over his shoulder, frowned, then nodded and turned away again.

Cael held his breath and approached the bed. He lay down beside him, not touching, and exhaled slowly. Then inhaled — not air, but him, his scent, diluted and maddening. A growl rose from Cael’s chest on its own.

Ray tensed but didn’t reach for the shocker.

“Talk to me!” Zen growled, digging his nails into his palms.

“I just need another minute!”

“What do I smell like to you?” Ray asked quickly, as if braced for it.

Cael inhaled again. He was getting used to it, bit by bit.

“You know, betas hate trench warfare,” he blurted and grimaced. Too much, and way too old a story — but he couldn’t stop now. “For me, though, the trench was the most comfortable place. Especially when no one else was around.”

Inhale. Exhale. He was rambling, but he couldn’t stop.

“Among earthen walls, under the open sky, the dawn felt like a miracle. Sometimes, in spring, a thunderstorm came with it.”

Inhale, exhale, full chest. Cael closed his eyes, remembering.

“There’s this moment before the storm, when everything around starts to smell desperate. The grass, the trees, even the soil. Everything freezes before the first distant thunder. Then there’s that smell of ozone. And finally, the last note… when the rain begins, the first heavy drops pressing the dust down…”

Cael suddenly felt like an i***t. Why had he told him all that?

“I smell like dust?” Ray’s teasing tone made him want to bang his head against something. No point answering. A beta wouldn’t understand anyway.

“Sorry,” Ray murmured, not turning but pressing closer, his back against Cael’s chest. “No one’s ever told me anything like that. Sorry.”

Cael inhaled, exhaled. Braver now, he nuzzled the top of Ray’s head gently.

“Forget it. Half-beast nonsense,” he muttered bitterly, not meaning it.

“You smell nice,” Ray said softly. “Stay a bit longer. Let me smell you now.”

He reached back, found Cael’s hand, and placed it on his thigh.

Cael froze. Just a little longer. He could hold on. Just a bit more… He closed his eyes, tried to focus — but the world slipped out from under him, and he fell into sleep like into a well.