Chapter 17
1096 Words
I couldn't sleep and the cabin was quiet. The only sounds were the fire crackling and the soft, even breathing of the two people I watched over.
I looked at Ava’s chest moving up and down while her face looked calm in sleep. Leon was a small ball under the blankets, deep in his dreams.
The snow storm was over. Outside the window, the world was covered in snow though. The air was still and you could almost hear the silence itself. I pulled on my heavy coat and boots. I had to be careful to lock the door tightly behind me because I don't want anything to happen to these two while I'm not here.
I walked away from the warmth of the cabin and into the shadows of the trees. My boots made sounds in the snow.
I knew exactly where to go. My feet walked a path I hadn’t used in years, but my heart remembered every single step. I held a small flashlight.
Then I saw it. The old oak tree much bigger now, its branches heavy with snow. My heart felt a sudden, tight squeeze. Our tree.
I moved closer and wiped snow from a spot on the rough bark. There, carved into the wood a long time ago, were our names:
Luca + Clara. Forever.
The word “forever” made my eyes burn with tears. I sank down into the snow, leaning against the tree trunk. This was the place where we used to sit and dream about our future.
I took a deep, shaky breath. The cold air felt sharp in my lungs.
"Hey, Clara," I whispered. My voice was rough in the silence. "It's me."
I reached out and touched her name, tracing the letters with my gloved finger.
"I miss you. So much. You should see Leon. He's not a baby anymore. He's this amazing, funny, kind little man. Sometimes I look at him and I see so much of you, in his smile, in the way his eyes shine when he’s excited. It honestly takes my breath away. And I think, did I really raise him? Because he is so good, and he’s all you."
A single tear slid down my cheek. It was cold. I didn't wipe it away.
"I am so sorry," I choked out. These words I held inside for so long finally broke loose. "I am so sorry you never got to hold him. To smell his hair. To hear him call you 'Mama.' It's unfair."
I lowered my head. The next part was the hardest thing to say. It felt like a giant weight.
"And I'm sorry... because you are not the first thing I think about when I wake up anymore." Telling her felt like a terrible mistake, like I was betraying her. "For many years, it was only you. Your face was my morning sun. But now it's Ava. It's always about Ava now. And it feels wrong. It feels like I'm forgetting you. Like I'm leaving you behind."
The tree stayed silent. It was a patient, steady presence in the dark.
"But I can't be sad forever, my love. It has been six years. Six long years. And our son, he needs a father who is really here, not a ghost. He needs me to be present. He talks about you. He asks for a mother. And I... I get angry. I snap at him. I hate that I do that because it's not his fault. He just wants what every child wants."
I looked up at the stars through the branches. I wanted a sign that she was listening.
"I need to heal. I have to. For him. I need to learn how to think of you with a smile, not just with this heavy, crushing pain in my chest. I have to let myself be happy again. But, Clara... I would never, ever forget you. You are the love of my life. You are Leon’s mother. That will never change. I will always, always love you. Rest well, my love. You are so loved and you will never be forgotten."
I sat there for a few more minutes. A small, quiet sense of peace settled over me. It was a good start.
Finally, I pushed myself up. My legs felt stiff and cold. I touched the carved names one last time, a silent goodbye, and walked back toward the cabin.
The walk back felt lighter. The world seemed a little warmer now.
I opened the cabin door as quietly as I could, stepping inside and shaking off the snow. The fire was still warm, lighting the room with warm, dancing shadows.
Ava was still asleep with Leon’s head on her chest. Both their faces looked calm and peaceful. They looked perfect. A family I suddenly realized I wanted so badly.
My heart did a strange, painful flip.
I knew this was only for a short time. A beautiful, stolen moment. In a couple of days, the roads will be clear, and she will leave.
It will be just me and Leon again. Just the two of us against the world, like always.
But as I watched them sleep, a new, scary truth settled in my heart.
I don't want her to leave.
It was more than just s****l attraction and lust between us. It was the way she made Leon laugh. The way she is and yhe sad, lonely person I saw hiding behind her confident, beautiful face. A girl who has never known what it felt like to be loved completely, without needing anything back.
I wanted to be the one to show her that. I wanted to teach her to feel loved. I wanted to know everything about her.
But how could I ask her to stay? How could I offer her a life with a man who was still learning to let go of his past? A man with a child? She is beautiful, rich, sexy, free. She could have any man she wanted.
Why would she ever choose this? Choose us?
I stood in the shadows, watching the two most important people in my world sleep. I felt my heart splitting in two. It was caught between the love for Clara, which I would always keep safe, and my future with Ava, which I was now desperately afraid to want.
- Writer
