Chapter Nine
1292 Words
S H A Y
"Shay, stop." Sasha pushed me off her before I could even go further than pecking her lips.
I didn't understand what the hell was going on in her mind. Earlier, I heard her have a wet dream about me and the next second, she pushes me like she just found out that I was a devil spawn. She looked down on me like she was scared, her eyes widening and her mouth slightly gaping.
"Shannon we can't do this." She whispered.
I looked away in embarrassment and disappointment. "Sorry." I muttered.
Even though I wasn't facing her, I could almost see her gulp.
"It's not like what you think."
"Then what is it, Sasha?" I snapped.
"We'll hurt Katie. Hudson. We can't be selfish."
"Why didn't you think about that before you cheated on me?" I whispered angrily.
A tear fell on her cheek and she wiped it with the back of her arm. "I'm sorry. For everything I did. I know I shouldn't have done that. But I'm not like you, okay? I didn't feel what it was like being with a guy. You got to experiment. I didn't. I was seventeen when we secretly started dating, the only guys I kissed are from the set. When Hudson came to me, I was flattered. He said he can make me feel what you can't give to me so I gave in. I thought it was just right but deep down I know I belong to you. The day of the dinner, the day you caught us, it was supposed to be the last time. But you walked in and you were so mad and I got super scared." She sobbed. "When you kicked me out, Hudson was there. He loved me when I couldn't even do it for myself. I-I-"
"Why are you telling me this now, when it's all too late?" I whispered.
"I could say the same thing, Shan. I love you, I do. But we can't do this. Not anymore. I wish I could just go back in time and fall back into your arms and be unafraid. But we can't. There's too much at stake." She huffed. "Katie will love you. She'll be there for you. I know it. Besides, I only know how to hurt people. It's time for you to forget your shitty ex-wife, okay? Be with someone who could make you feel your worth." She reached out and tucked a strand of hair in my ear. She caressed my cheek and I held it in place, stroking her soft hand.
Her beautiful face looked broken and hurt, and seeing her like that made me feel pain. So I clasped my eyes shut and let the tears fall down. I knew what she did was wrong but I also made a wrong move. I never did let her explain. So I shouldn't have been shocked when I woke up a few months later with the divorce papers on a panda fridge magnet.
"Do you love him?" I choked.
"He's happy with me." She whispered.
I chuckled through tears. "That's completely irrelevant."
"He knows how to make me stay. Besides, it's too late. He said on the phone that he already picked out a date."
I looked at her in disbelief, staring into her cerulean blue eyes with a thousand questions. "S-so you'll marry him? Just like that?"
She gulped. "You don't need me."
"Maybe I don't. But my heart does. My heart aches whenever I know I couldn't touch you."
"What good will it bring? I relieve your pain but what about your girlfriend's pain?"
"She'll understa-"
She gritted her teeth. "The girls will think I'll go all Ali D on you and use you, then dump you again."
"That's not t-"
"And me. I know I'll hurt you. You have to move on."
I sobbed. "Why can't we just fix things?"
"Some things aren't supposed to be fixed. Some things are better off left broken. Some things aren't as strong the others and when it breaks, you have to remove it before it starts breaking others." She stares into my eyes.
I break the contact and look away. Seeing her was pure pain and no amount of pain killers can ease it. We're broken beyond mend, but maybe she was right. I need to move on.
"Can I kiss you again?" I whispered.
She smiled sadly and weakly nodded her head.
I leaned in and planted my lips on hers, feeling her warmth and love. I pulled away and hugged her.
For the first time in history, a communication was established through silence and sobs. Because I know that when we both laid down on our places, we knew that our love for each other still exists.
***
S A S H A
"So, how's your love life?" A squeaky voice had asked me.
I wasn't really in the mood to be talking about it but I gave a fake smile and showed her my ring finger. You'll know she was a fake friend if she grabbed it and gushed but Marzia is genuine. She sadly smiled and nodded, as if understanding my situation.
"What about Shannon?" She asked with a hint of her Italian accent.
"She has a girlfriend." I shrugged, acting like it wasn't a big deal.
"What's her name?"
"Katie."
"Oh. Have you talked about it?"
"Yeah...So how's Felix?"
She rolled her eyes but smiled. "Still Felix with a hint of Pewds. One time, he got the whole kitchen messed up because of this weird milk soda. And I sometimes wake up to his shrieking and shouting." She chuckled.
I giggled. "Typical Felix."
Just as Avery stirred awake, the door swung open and revealed Shan and Felix with some Dunkin' Donuts takeout. They laughed at some joke and just by hearing her laugh again warms my heart. I really want to be with her again, but Bitchface may actually be the one for her and the kids. I can't get her hurt again.
Avery was now sitting up and yawning, stretching his short arms. Ashley was still curled up beside him, unconsciously hitting his arm lightly. He glared at his sister and pouted. Shan and Felix laughed at them and she handed a Boston creme to Avery who mumbled a "thanks, Mom" in response.
Shan walked up to me and Marzia and gave both of us a cup. When she was giving me mine, her eyes went a shade darker, but they quickly brightened when she saw Marzia. She smiled at the girl beside me, wiggling her eyebrows. Marzia reached out for her and they hugged, chuckling as they said their greetings.
"Lost in wonderland?" A mischievous masculine voice asked.
"If wonderland is now a person, then yes." I murmured and tried covering it up by laughing. "So when's the wedding?"
He looked at me questioningly but shrugged it off. "We're not ready for that, Sasha." He smiled.
"What do you mean? You live in the same house, you have two pugs and you work together. You just have to pop the question." I said, sipping my coffee.
"You think she'll say yes?"
"Are you kidding me? Of course, she'll say yes." I rolled my eyes.
He huffed. "I'll think about it."
I turned my attention back to Shan and Marzia. They were sitting on the chairs propped up beside Avery's bed and animatedly catching up. "So Aves, when will you be able to go home?" Marzia asked my son.
"In a day. The doctor said that I still have some tests." He shrugged.
"Is that so? Do you want to go get some ice cream when you do?"
He nodded happily. "Sure."
Ice cream sounds good.
- Writer
