LOVE IN LIMBO

CHAPTER FIVE - DEATH IS THE SOLUTION

LYRA'S POV

What's actually happening to me, I know Mason is alive somewhere, I can feel him but it's been a year now and he still didn't come back for me. Have I been in love with myself all along because if he loved me like I thought, why then did he leave and didn't look back?

I can't take it anymore, I can't leave like this. I love Mason so much and his absence and neglect is driving me crazy and the fact that no one is willing to look for him or even believe me when I say he is alive is driving me crazy in more ways than I can even count... I can't continue to leave my life like this, I can't take it anymore. I want to die, I want to kill myself because death is the solution.

" Lyra please get up from the floor, you have this huge room to yourself but you only utilize that corner. This is not right Lyra, you don't eat or step out of your room, you have not been doing anything productive for a year now... Look let's assume that I want to believe that Mason is okay and he is somewhere out there, do you think he will be happy to see what you have become in his absence?" Maggie my best friend asked and I seriously don't care about her opinion at this point, I don't care if I am wasting away because all I want right now is to end my misery and die.

I'm not even upset with Maggie because when Mason first disappeared, she went everywhere with me trying to find him but along the line, she gave up and I don't blame her... Hanging on to the hopes of finding Mason soon and failing each time was so frustrating and depressing and I understand that it hurts her but I can't do this anymore, I am tired and frustrated and I can't stand the way my mom, my brother and even the way Maggie looks at me any more.

I can't stand their sorry, sympathetic look and most especially when they look at me like I am insane, I can't stand being here without the love of my life anymore... Mom and Rowan are not here and there is no better time to have a peaceful death than today.

" I'm tired Maggie, I am tired of hoping that Mason will come back for me and I am tired of seeing the sorry look on your face, I am tired of all the pity and whispers, I'm so tired of a life without Mason." I said truthfully because I need to escape all these pain and torture, the last one year has been nothing short of the worst year of my life, I can't even look at the vanity because I am scared of what I might see.

" What does that mean?" Maggie asked worriedly but that's exactly the type of look I don't want to see again.

" Nothing, it means nothing." I lied because there is no way I am telling her about my plans when I know that she will do everything possible to stop me and I don't want to be stopped because I am physically and emotionally exhausted.

" Okay but can you please get up from the ground and come and have breakfast." She offered but I am not hungry but I need her off my back so I can do what I want, which is to die.

" I am not really hungry but okay." I said and then she helped me up from the ground and then I followed her to the living room.

I sat down on the couch while Maggie went to get my breakfast, she came back with a plate of pancakes, eggs and bacon with a glass of orange juice... Everything looks good but I don't really want to eat.

" What will you like to watch?" Maggie asked as she got comfortable on the couch next to me.

" Anything you pick is fine." I said plainly while playing around with my food and then she picked out a movie.

I ate a little while watching the movie with her but by the time I got tired of the food, I looked towards Maggie and I am so pleased to see that she's fast asleep... Maggie has always been bad at watching movies right from when we were young.

I put the food on the coffee table carefully and I tiptoed out of the living room to the basement to find a rope which was very easy. I tiptoed out of the house to the backyard and I tried to make a noose on the tree at my backyard and after so many tries, I eventually got it right.

" I should probably say my last prayer." I said to myself but nothing is coming to my mind.

I know what I am doing is not right but I am saving every one the stress, they are all tired of me and I don't blame them because I am also tired of myself... Mason is gone and since I can't accept it, I guess the best thing to do is to join him.

" It's time." I said out loud but to myself since there is no one here as I climbed on the stool so that I can reach the noose...

I put the noose around my neck, closed my eyes but for some unknown reasons, I hesitated for a while and I wondered briefly if I really want to do this but as briefly as the doubt came, it disappeared and I am convinced that this is the right thing to do for everyone including myself.

" I know you, Lyra right?" I instantly opened my eyes and I am face to face with my Mason but it's too late because just as he was talking, I kicked the stool away and now I can't breathe.

" Mas... Mason?" I managed to say but before I could figure out how to stop myself from dying or think of something to say, my vision went blur and I passed out.