Heart's Gift

Struggle Within

The voice was two-toned, a strangely sweet melody, male entwined with female. A flame flickered to life, revealing the owner of such a lovely sound.

I was stunned. She looked…like me? Except… The body kept changing. So fluidly, woman to man, man to woman, a mirage in the water. The face was the only thing that stayed the same. The same blonde hair only cleaned and once again cropped short. Same cheekbones, same jawline… Everything was the same. Except the eyes. Where my eyes were jade, the eyes looking back at me were black, shimmering with malice. Eric’s eyes- No,  Sun God’s eyes.

“Did you really think you could hide in here away from me?” Sun God asked. That voice was so soothing; I felt myself relaxing. “Idiot.”

I furrowed my brow, glaring. “You’re always in my thoughts these days.” I countered.

He chuckled darkly, coming closer, His boots echoing on the darkness-enveloped floor. “Yes, your thoughts. But I’m not just a thought Aila.” He was walking around me, his long black coat trailing behind him like a regal cape. “I’m your fear, your strength, your courage, your desire. I am everything that is you. You just haven’t realized it yet. I have been here all along, waiting in the darkest part of your mind to awaken at just that right moment.”

He was in front of me again, the ball of flame in his hand flickering  brighter until he tossed it into the air, encompassing us in a circle of light. I could feel rather than hear the shadow creatures, the demons, just outside the circle. I felt as if I were being sized up for dinner. Meanwhile, Sun God was still circling me, that vicious smile I so loathed on Eric’s face blessing his lips.

“How is that possible?” I asked quietly, backing away as he advanced on me again. “How can you be in me and in Eric?”

He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “You really are an i***t, aren’t you?” He touched his cheek, tapping his finger against it. “I’ll fix that once you give over. You won’t just be powerful with me in control.”

“Control? I thought you wanted me dead!” I blurted. I stopped walking as something cold touched my back. I looked to find I had reached the edge of the circle of light.

Sun God raised an eyebrow. “Dead, Aila? If I had wanted you dead, I would have done it already. I’ve had ample opportunity.”

He was right. My first night, when I woke up on the ship… He could have killed me. The carriage ride to the castle… Any time at all. What was it he said? With him in control… He wanted me. He was bored of Eric. My god. I really was an i***t. This whole time… All the torture, all the degrading… He was conditioning me. Grooming me. Was I how he wanted me now?

“I can hear what you’re thinking, you know. We are, after all, inside your head at this very moment.” He chuckled darkly and stepped as close to me as he could without touching me, his hand hovering over my cheek. I flinched. “Oh, don’t worry. You’re not ready yet. But you will be soon.” He leaned closer, his lips, my lips, a mere hair’s width from mine. “You won’t even know it’s happening until we’re already one.”

“Get away from me.” I hissed, shivering with disgust. The voice that had been so soothing was putting me on edge, now that I knew what was coming. “I don’t really do self-love. Especially this kind.” I reached up and touched his chest, trying to push him back. He wouldn’t move, not even a little. I felt as if I were pushing against a steel wall. He was so f*****g strong.

He chuckled, his breath tickling my cheeks. “Perhaps this is more to your liking?” I watched as his face shifted, taking on once again the appearance of Eric. The eyes were still all wrong. “Come now, Aila. A kiss for your lover, past and future. That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”

“Get away from me!” I shouted. A slight burst of light erupted from me, pushing him back several steps. It hurt. I doubled over, panting, sweat forming on my brow. “You can’t have me!”

“You have no choice, Aila.” His said in a sing-song voice, as if my outburst had been nothing to him.

I was done. I was tired. No more running, no more fear. Done. I was just angry. “Why me!? Why me, mother fucker!?” I screamed, glaring up at him through my hair.

He laughed. Just laughed and applauded. “There’s the fire! I truly see it now. All that fury you’ve been quashing for so long finally coming to surface.” His laugh died to a chuckled and he stepped closer to me again, this time grabbing my arms firmly. “Everything you have ever loved has been taken from you. Your chances at happiness stolen from you.” His voice dropped to a whisper, and pity laced his words. “You’ve given up all hope, tried to end it all. Even that moment was stolen. You wanted to die, and yet you’re still here. And the tortured cry of your soul reached me. And in you, in your loss, your struggle, I have seen a strength unlike any. With it, Aila, you and I can do great things. We can reap your reward, your revenge on anything and everyone that has ever stood in your way to true happiness. I can give you everything.”

“You want my soul.” I said bluntly. “That’s what this is. A deal with the devil sort of thing.”

He smirked. “In a sense. I wouldn’t just have your soul, however. You would be mine. All of you. Body, mind, soul.”

“You would possess me like you do Eric.”

A sleek, black brow rose curiously. “For you, no.” He pulled me gently away from the edge of the circle into the center of the light. He grabbed my hand and gripped my waist, posing us for a dance. “For you, I would take whatever form you desire. I don’t have to possess someone to be seen. I just choose to inhabit special individuals to accumulate more power.”

A light melody began to echo around us, and he led me in a slow waltz. Our eyes were locked, mine still narrowed in a glare, his a loving caress. I felt as my body was enveloped in something soft, and my hair swept back from my face and off my neck. Shimmering jewels caught my eye as they manifested around my wrists and fingers. I chose to ignore the silent bribe. Instead, I just danced with him.

“You said my soul cried to you.” I wanted to know everything about his plan. I needed to know… “And that brought you to me?”

“After you lost your husband and baby, yes.” He sighed heavily. “I watched you after that. I entered your mind while you dreamed and saw all your nightmares, all your memories. I saw what she had done to you.” He pulled me closer, resting his cheek against my hair. “My heart became yours.”

“What she had done to me?” I whispered. I knew who he meant.

“You were a gift from the goddess to your mother. That much she told you.” He pulled me even closer, our bodies now pressed together as we swayed in a circle. “What she failed to mention, was how every gift from a god comes with a curse. Your mother’s happiness is why you can’t have any.”

I smirked solemnly and laid my head against his arm as he released my hand to caress my neck. So, I was cursed. She had left that part out. Did it really matter anymore? I pushed her out. I closed my eyes and inhaled the masculine scent I had become so familiar with, so fearful of, so…devoted to. I remembered the scent from before Draumur.

“What happens to Eric?” I asked firmly.

We stilled, and he went quiet.

“He’ll die, won’t he? Just another part of my life to be reduced to ashes, this time by your hand.” I looked up into his eyes and found something besides malice there. Pity. Real pity. I pushed him back from me. “I won’t have any part of this. Not if it means he’ll die.”

“He’ll die either way. Accept my offer and I’ll make it painless.” That stupid, f*****g grin was back. “Refuse, go back to him, to your life now, and he’ll probably die very painfully. Most likely where you’ll see. And then what? Try to kill yourself again?”

“You have a very odd way of making a deal.” I turned from him and began walking toward the edge of the light, no longer caring what was out there. We were in my head after all. What’s the worst that could happen?

Before my foot could touch the shadows, he was behind me, embracing me, whispering in my ear. “Come now, Aila. Would it be so bad? Consort to an all-powerful god? Having me at your beck and call, doing whatever your heart desires? All that power, all this love, at your say.” His hands were roaming over me, caressing lightly. His lips were trailing kisses along my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. Against my will, my body responded, aching for more. “You can’t deny it, can you? You want it, don’t you?”

“I want nothing from you. You’ve tortured me. You’ve degraded me. You’ve cast me as a lowly creature, no better than a toy for you.” I turned in his arms and grabbed his face, digging my nails into his skin until he bled, relishing the pain it brought to his expression. “You’ve been conditioning me to be this horrible person, someone hardened beyond hope with no care left for anything or anyone.” I clenched my nails harder, digging deeper. “You want me to break, to fawn over you, to do as you bid without question, nothing but a slave. I would have no power in this deal. All you want is my Heart’s Gift.” I spoke through my teeth, grinding my jaw as I stabbed him with my only weapons.

He grabbed my wrists and wrenched my nails from his skin, slicing deeper as he did so. Blood fell in rivulets down his face, and anger flared in his eyes. “I will have you one way or another. You can’t stop it.”

I smiled, and leaned up, my lips so close to his, barely brushing. “Watch me.”

I kicked him in the groin. God or not, it would still hurt. As he released me and doubled over in pain, I ran. Finally, I broke through the circle of light, the darkness instantaneous. Not even a glow which should have been a few steps away. I heard the demons, growling and snarling, but not attacking. Perhaps their master decided not to sic them on me. Then again…

“Oh, shut up already!” I shouted.

We were in my head, after all.

Silence. No more snarling, growling demons. No Sun God, no Moon Goddess. Just me alone in my mind. And I felt… at peace. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“You can’t get away from me, Aila. I’ll have you, whether you want me or not. You belong to me.”

“f**k off already!”

“No!” He was there, suddenly, in my face. The fury in his eyes, made them glow red and his teeth had become fangs. His features were so distorted, taking on that of a twisted, foul creature. I stumbled back from him in shock. “I will have what I want!”

“It’s a dream. It’s all a dream. When I wake, everything will be as it was, and you won’t be here!” I shouted hard, my voice straining, my throat turning raw.

I covered my face with my arms as he swooped forward. Clawed hands ripped at whatever finery he had clothed me in during our dance, and I screamed as those claws pierced the flesh of my chest. His hand was inside me, digging, drawing out sounds of torment I never knew a human could make. I felt as he gripped my heart, felt it tear from my body, saw the menacing glow that encased it as he withdrew it.

But I wasn’t dying. The pain was more intense than anything I had ever felt. I was trembling hard, unable to control my muscles as they twitched and spasmed in the shock of it all. But I wasn’t dying.

His face reformed into Eric’s, but the clawed hand around my heart stayed the same. Blood was still oozing from the scratches caused by my nails, some dripping into his fanged grin. He held my heart up and squeezed. I gasped in pain, unable to scream anymore.

“Do you see, Aila? Do you see how it glows for me? How twisted you have become? And you never even realized it. Murdering ones only friends can have that effect. ” His tongue snaked out as he brought my heart closer to his lips, and he licked it, slowly, sensually, groaning with pleasure.

A sensation other than pain, undeniably pleasure, ripped through me. What the f**k was he doing to me?

“You see how I can make it hurt one moment, then feel so good in just another instant? Deny me and it will be nothing but pain. But give in…” He licked my heart again, and the pleasure sliced through me, evoking a gasp. “Oh, I can make you feel things you’ve never dreamed of.”

He lowered my heart back into my body, the wounds mending themselves in an instant. He hovered over me, his head tilted slightly, his eyes half shielded. Slowly, he lowered his body to mine, pinning me between him and the darkness.

I just lay there, tired and aching. Though aching from what I wasn’t sure. It was all mixed. His influence, I assumed. He just watched my face.

“Leave me alone.” I whispered. “Just get out of my head.”

A muscle in his cheek twitched. “There is only one thing you have to do in order for me to claim you. And believe me, you’ll do it.” He glanced at my lips. “I’ll leave you for now. But not without a kiss.”

A moment passed before he moved again, gauging my reaction to his request. I didn’t move. Slowly, his lips touched mine, gently. It was a soft, chaste kiss, and lasted barely a couple of seconds. Then he was gone. I blinked into the darkness.

I felt nothing. No fear, no desire, no anger. Just nothing. I sighed heavily and sat up.

I guess I would have to kill him. And this time, I would succeed.

I shot awake, unaware at first of where I was. Slowly, my vision focused, and I found I was still in the glade in the faerie realm. I was alone. Katlyn was gone. The goddess and her faerie folk had vanished. I didn't care. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my eyes to the sunlight streaming down on me. Everything looked different from before. Everything was so dull. Was I back in the mortal realm? I looked down at myself to find my wounds from escaping the mausoleum had been bandaged, I was bathed, and my filthy shift had been changed out for a white gown of feathers and silk.

Well that wouldn’t do.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. As I released the breath, I opened my eyes. The dress was still silk and feathers, but now it was black, with purple gems inlaid in silver at the breast and shoulders where the lace straps dipped. In my hand was a mask, a raven, with another purple gem at the forehead.

I smiled. I could feel the power in me, stronger than ever, no longer ebbing from doubt. I knew what I had to do. I raised my arm, tattooed with the great wolf Fenrir, and summoned him to me. Through the portal he stepped proudly, lowering so I might climb on his back. Without instruction he turned toward the castle, and began running. The wind in my hair felt wonderful and I inhaled the fresh air with vigor.

It might have been the last time I was able to do so. I knew what I had to do.

I might die. I would most likely die. But that bastard was coming with me.